Forgotten Daze
by Speaker
Summary: Cloud's early days in Shinra. Chapter 12: The SOLDIER exams are finally here! Some light is finally shed on quite a few different secrets. Language warning, Yaoi. UPDATE: Links to FD's new home No longer updated here
1. Chapter 1

Forgotten Daze  
FF7 fanfiction  
  
  
-------------------------------------------------------------  
  
  
It had been too long. Too long since he had seen his home, his house, his mother. The only friendly face in the entire town, yet he still missed it all. Despite the pain he knew would never leave his memories, each and every blow dealt to him still stinging in recognition, despite the self-loathing that boiled within him at the sheer thought of how things had been ... he missed it. He had left misery only to face it once more. He had never been too young to be unable to grasp such existential suffering, but only realized once he had another dream crushed that all pain in the world was universal, simply reorganized and placed back in a new situation, a new dilemma in life that would inevitably end the same.   
  
It was depressing, yes, but to be able to accept such facts was something he took as a blessing. Ignorance may have been bliss, but it was only through another sorrowful understanding that he realized he had long since past that point when such things could be blurred and distorted in his own mind.   
  
So no matter what he did, no matter where he went, things would always be the same. Whether he was home, being degraded constantly by the other children, unable to help anyone, let alone the one person he wanted to, letting that man take every once of his frustration out on such a defenseless child who didn't even bother to retaliate ... It was all the same. Adversity would face him everywhere, it didn't seem to matter what his plans for his own life were, the miserable hands of fate were around every corner, waiting just to make sure they could keep their grip on their pitiful little puppet.   
  
And apparently, at least from what the boy gathered from the tirade his instructor had gone off on in front of him, doing his best to rip him to shreds in front of his peers, anything to break him down further in order to be built up again in correct fashion, those very hands now wept in their sadistic glory, gleeful in their ability to watch as his dreams fleeted further and further away.   
  
It was almost ironic, how the man could think he was doing so well to destroy the boy's confidence, as he had already arrived at such a point, already a shell of a human being, a miserable entity trapped between being too young and weak to save even himself, and being too hardened by life to wish for his ill spent childhood back.   
  
He wanted something, anything really, just something solid and reliable. Which, he assumed, were why his memories had reminded him of the home he had left so eagerly. Even if he could think of nothing worse than having to face his past again, the allure of something so familiar and so sturdy in his life was more than welcome.   
  
"Strife!" He could feel the spit against his face as the instructor yelled his name, most obviously not for the first time. Cloud blinked slightly, the images fading away into his memories once again as he focused on the man in front of him. "I said, what is it that you want, boy?"   
  
The other candidates watched the blond recruit from the corner's of their eyes, unable to turn their head from their perfect attention. Cloud stood as straight as he could, already far beyond broken by the rigorous training. To be asked such a direct question from their instructor was truly a holy thing; it was rare for the battle-hardened man to so much as single a student out, let alone recall their name. Cloud felt a mix of emotions as the color drained from his face, only to be replaced by the onslaught of blood filling his cheeks. He had been daydreaming, and had no idea where the critique against him had gone.   
  
There was no way to avoid it, Cloud realized solemnly, trying not to swallow the lump in his throat visibly, unable to stop thinking about the punishment for such disobedience would be. "What ... do you mean, Sir?"   
  
The instructor's face hardened, a thing the blond recruit hadn't thought possible, and the other few boys around him turned slightly, already too far involved in the personal attack their instructor had taken on the boy.   
  
"I /mean/," The man stepped forward, stooping slightly to look Cloud in the eyes. "What is it that you want out of this? Why do you bother to keep up with this training? What's your motivation to do this? Why, Strife, do you want to be a SOLDIER?"   
  
The man's voice had dropped in intensity, suddenly seeming as though the question actually held a vague importance to him. Cloud remained at attention, watching him with unflinching eyes. Such a stoic facade had helped him get to where he was, even if it did fail on occasion.   
  
"I want to be stronger, Sir."   
  
"Stronger?" The instructor stood back to his true height, looking down on the blond curiously. "Shit, boy, I've got /after shave/ stronger than you, /any/ sort of training would help, why are you so adamant to be a SOLDIER?"   
  
"I ... " The original answer had been drilled into his mind, repeated to himself over and over, well into the night as he lay in his barracks nursing his wounds. He wanted to be /stronger./ He /needed/ to be stronger. That was all there was to it. All that was going to be revealed, anyway, especially to the man who had single handedly made it his purpose in life to watch the boy suffer.   
  
"You /what?/" The man made no attempt to soften his words, knowing quite well that he bordered dangerously close on what could break the small, weak recruits that came with a single hope and dream, a lifetime of hardship behind them. "All you've managed to do so far is /fail/ all your trials, /flunk/ all your exams, and make a /mockery/ of all we try to teach here! You're not even physically /built/ right to withstand any sort of fight, what the /hell/ is it that drives you on?"   
  
"I ... want to be stronger, Sir."   
  
The instructor watched the boy's eyes for a moment, unblinking and unfaltering in the gaze back, long since practiced at hiding all tell-tale emotion, before shaking his head slightly and stepping back. Cloud had meant the answer as truthfully as anything else in his life, and for once his unspoken adversary seemed to understand.   
  
"All right, all of you get the hell out of here," The man motioned toward the group of boys, all releasing from attention, casting quick glances toward Cloud's unmoving figure. "Tomorrow's the big day, and I don't want any of you late. Attendance is mandatory, so don't fuck it up." He turned once more to Cloud, who remained in his spot. "I'm done with you too, boy. I expect to see you there tomorrow, but unless you spend the whole night training, I doubt I'll see you any time after."   
  
The instructor left, the echo of the closing metal door somehow amplified in Cloud's mind. He stood in his spot, his eyes blank as he watched the floor, his thoughts completely silenced. Tomorrow was the day. The boy recognized the bitter humor with slight remorse, unable to find any emotion with which to acknowledge it. The first of the cuts, quite possibly the last day of his training. All of it would be worthless in the end, all of the pain and the sweat and the constant pushing ... all of it was for nothing.   
  
  
--------------------------------   
  
  
"You're not going?"   
  
"Of course not," His friend's voice was as bland as usual, the boredom sliding off each word.   
  
"It wouldn't kill you, you know. It's not like half of them aren't here for you in the first place. Most of them will be gone tomorrow night anyway, you should at least give them one last thing to try and achieve."   
  
"They work hard enough just to get back at their instructors," the white haired man replied quietly, engrossed in the stack of files laid before him.   
  
"Why do you think they signed up in the first place? Just to have the shit kicked out of them on every possible level? They're here because of /you,/ don't act like you don't know it."   
  
"I'm not a goal in life, Zack," the man responded, organizing a pile of papers. Zack scowled from his position on the desk.   
  
"I didn't say you were," the black haired man mumbled, opening a bottom drawer on the desk with his foot. "You just don't always have to be so anti-social, especially to all those poor kids."   
  
"I'm not being anti-social," He replied, slamming the disturbed drawer closed and meeting his friend's glare. "I just have other things to do that are slightly more important."   
  
"What, kissing ass in Shinra headquarters? You do that more often than they have prelim cuts, I fail to see how it's more important."   
  
The man sighed abruptly, turning back to his friend. "Why exactly did you come here, just to see how far you could pester me?"   
  
Zack grinned from the desktop. "As if you even need to ask," he answered, arching his back playfully as he watched his friend turn away, rolling his bright mako eyes in contempt. The man walked to the opposite side of the room, setting his stack of papers down among the files neatly strewn about the office.   
  
"Why do you even bother to go?" He asked suddenly, turning to Zack with almost a hint of true emotion. The black haired SOLDIER shrugged, not quite finished grinning yet.   
  
"Probably something to do with the fact that Shinra's run by a bunch of idiot faces in suits. None of them know how to judge a good soldier, not even the Turks. They're all too caught up in themselves to really care about any of them." Zack shrugged again, pulling his legs to his chest. "Most of the time the kids are chosen on how well they've done in their first week here, the instructors have no idea how to tell if someone has hidden talent."   
  
"And you do?"   
  
Zack brushed the comment aside with one hand. "Well gee, Seph, don't give me /too/ much credit or anything."   
  
Sephiroth turned again, his friend's playful sarcasm all too commonplace. "You're really that interested in seeing all of them?"   
  
The black haired man looked to the closed window for a moment, giving the question true thought. "Yeah, I am. I was no different from any of them, you know? I know what they're going through."   
  
Sephiroth continued his work, seemingly unfazed, as a moment of vague understanding passed between the two. Zack may have been no different from the rest of the recruits, but the same couldn't be said for his white haired companion.   
  
Words, thankfully enough, held no real importance between the two men. Battle hardened and experienced, they were of an elite group, and their often uncanny understanding of each other was frequently viewed as the true reason behind their victories. Just /why/ they seemed that way was debatable, but most other members of Shinra had long since decided to leave such subjects alone. It was probably something inherent in the Mako, and if it wasn't, well, no one really wanted to make assumptions about anyone who wielded a seven foot long sword, or a three foot wide one for that matter.   
  
Zack sat still on the desk top, watching Sephiroth file through his reports intently. A hint of mischief began to brew behind his strong blue eyes as he gazed at his friend's back.   
  
"Whatever you're thinking," Sephiroth mumbled, "don't."   
  
"Jesus," Zack let his feet fall off the desk once more, his face downcast. "I don't know if it's worse that you're absolutely no fun, or that you're just plain creepy sometimes." Sephiroth made no attempt to reply, and Zack's scowl deepened. "Tight ass Shinra bitch," He mumbled, glaring away from his friend's back.   
  
Sephiroth finally sighed, turning to the other man with a glare as pure as anything, the intense mako eyes enough to freeze any man. Zack sat on his desk, legs straddling the corner, grinning up at the white haired SOLDIER. "Why exactly do you bother coming here--"   
  
"If all I'm going to do is try to get a rise out of you?" Zack's wide grin never faded. Sephiroth crossed his arms, watching his friend. "Well, I've come to the conclusion that you're good for just two things ... "   
  
"A target for your insubordinate banter and tasteless humor?"   
  
"That's one, yes," Zack's smile finally began to fade slightly into something much more devious as he watched the other man. "Do you want to know the other?"   
  
The look in Sephiroth's eyes failed to change from their slight disdain, but his head cocked slightly, already well aware of what the other man had been building up to. "No," He said quietly, letting his green eyes close slowly as he attempted to conceal what could very well have been mild amusement, "I'm fairly sure I know what you mean, and I resent being used for your own devices."   
  
"Like hell you do," Zack said quietly, his eyes still smoldering as he smiled something truly wicked to the other SOLDIER.   
  
Sephiroth shook his head, a failed attempt to feign his lack of interest, barely hiding a slightly bemused smile, the rare, human emotion enough to speak louder than anything he could have said.   
  
  
--------------------------------   
  
  
Failure. Cloud hadn't been brandished with the word too often in his short life, yet there was something about the word that resonated deep within him, as if it could sum up his entire existence, as if it would play an important role in his future.   
  
Such introspective twaddle was getting old, and Cloud let himself roll onto his side once again, staring at the large clock on the barracks wall. It was an hour before dawn of his final day in training, and the young blond had yet to drift off into any sort of slumber.   
  
A few of the other boys began to stir around him, most too anxious to stay asleep for too long. Unfortunately enough for Cloud, he couldn't say he understood how they felt. His anxiety was something wholly different, and while it had fueled most of the recruits on, all of them barely able to contain their excitement for the upcoming events, all it managed to do was bore a hole deeper into the blond, destroying everything around it until even the memories he used to comfort himself with blurred into obscurity.   
  
As long as he had accepted his fate, there were no means left to hurt him further. He would be cast aside in a few hours, by those he had poured himself out to in order to try and achieve what they wanted, no less. The rejection meant nothing to him anymore, he had long since understood it was inevitable. Apathy was truly a great thing.   
  
There was nothing that could help him any longer, nothing that Cloud believed in, anyway. He had been jaded far too long to believe he deserved any sort of miracle, even if it was the only thing that could save him.   
  
Cloud pulled his pillow out from under his head, pressing it down on the side of his face hard, in an attempt to silence the noise and the thoughts rushing about inside his head, and waited for the sun to rise and his day to begin.   
  
  
--------------------------------   
  
  
"I said, you're a miracle," He repeated, walking through the door. Zack watched him from behind, attempting to smooth down his tussled hair.   
  
"How so?"   
  
Sephiroth turned to him, his icy facade back in place. "You must be the first man in your position to keep up a positive outlook on life. Even after everything you've been through, and everything you've seen, your personality refuses to be destroyed."   
  
Zack grinned, the observation a very obvious, and very rare, compliment from the white haired man. "Gee, really? A miracle? See, I would have said I was just some marvelous wonder. A Shinra phenomenon. A SOLDIER marvel. A really god damned--"   
  
"Zack."   
  
"Hm?"   
  
"Goodbye."   
  
Zack grinned again, raising a hand to wave his friend off. He may have been going off little to no sleep, but there was something about the day ... The black haired soldier, however common it was to see bubbling over with enthusiasm, felt something ... well, /good/ about it. Zack spun around on his heel, turning away from the other SOLIDER, and began making his way to the training rooms.   
  
  
------------------------------------------------------------- 


	2. Chapter 2

Forgotten Daze   
FF7 fan fiction  
  
Chapter 2   
  
  
-------------------------------------------------------------   
  
  
There was no way to deny the slight feeling of superiority Zack felt as he stood in front of the young recruits. Wide eyed and impressionable, naive and determined; they all stood at attention, gazing upon the five SOLDIERs in complete awe, as they now gazed back.   
  
If there was more to life than idle hero worship, the black haired solider who stood with a massive grin on his face thought, then he hadn't found it. Of course it was probably selfish, but Zack just couldn't seem to get himself to care. He had worked /damn/ hard to get to where he was, if he wanted to relish in the limelight, he felt he was more than welcome.   
  
"Now," The bitter, hard-shelled instructor whom had personally made it his duty to tear down all of Zack's pride only a few years before, said, pacing the line between the SOLIDERs and the boys, "For many of you, this will be your final day here in Shinra. Some of you have worked hard, and will be rewarded. Others have treated it all as some game, and you'll be rewarded as well, the life lesson that I'll kick into your head as you hit the gravel outside the door face first more than enough compensation for your time here."   
  
God, Zack thought, watching the man stare down the young boys with unflinching eyes, how had he kept himself from simply /beating/ that old man when he had the chance?   
  
"As a little treat for you all, some of Shinra's best men have come here to see what you kids got. They're not being paid for this, they're all here off their own accord. You should all realize what a sacrifice they've made, just to see you little greenies on your last day here.   
  
"I want you all to think back over your few weeks here over the next few hours. We'll be deciding who stays and who goes while you all enjoy your little selves here at the expense of President Shinra. For the most part we've already decided who's moving on from here, but if some of you use your last few hours to your advantage, who knows, you may get us to change our minds."   
  
The instructor paused for a moment, looking out over the room of SOLDIER candidates. Some goodbye speech, Zack thought, although the man had never been good at doing much of anything apart from degrading insults. Finally the instructor sighed, waving a hand at them, brushing them away with a low murmur to signify that they were on their own for the final time. All at once the room erupted in voices, the recruits gathering around the five men, all brimming with excitement. The festivities had begun.   
  
Zack amused himself with a few of the boys, listening to their stories of accomplishment and woe, encouraging them with a few personal stories of his own about the instructor's punishments for him when he had first come to Shinra.   
  
Some of the boys seemed fitted for a higher position, others were far too eager to make it any further before the pressure of the system broke them. Of course, Zack had managed to survive the ordeal with his own personality still intact, but from what he could see of the energetic young boys, none of them had the vigor to keep up such a daunting task. After the fourth or fifth week of straight punishment for his insubordination, Zack had often thought of giving in. However, through circumstances that still eluded him, he had managed, and his unbreakable will ended up being the one thing that secured him his position as a SOLDIER.   
  
Still, he couldn't deny the talent he saw brooding inside a handful of young recruits; they were strong and intelligent, they knew what to do and they knew how to do it. Zack felt relatively complacent as he realized that Shinra would always manage to produce soldiers of immense quality.   
  
Zack continued to talk, examining the group as a whole. The strong leaders who would succeed, the strong leaders who's sense of self-satisfaction would be their demise, the followers who would become grateful men of Shinra, and the followers who would be crushed in the march upwards. Of course, there were many other types of recruits, but from what Zack had seen out of the corner of his eye, none were worse than the straggler, one of whom now stood silently apart from everyone else.   
  
Of course, there always had to be one. Zack watched him quietly, ignoring the far too eager recruit that had been gushing at his feet for the past few minutes. The blond soldier stood in the corner, his eyes adverted to the nearby wall, his gaze completely blank. Occasionally Shinra would pick up the random shy fighter, a young boy who couldn't stand to be so much as looked at, let alone talked to by another recruit. They would usually come around by prelims, and if they made it past it, would usually open up quite quickly. Zack had seen them all, but something about the way /this/ boy held himself seemed different.   
  
"When I heard about the opening I rushed right over, even though my mom said I couldn't, I was like, 'Well, I'll never know unless I try,' right? I mean, isn't that true? And my friend was going to come along, but he was like, 'No way, I'd never make it,' and I'm like, 'Come on, you have to try!' and he was like, 'Well, Maybe,' and I'm like, 'God, how many people do I have to try and encourage,' you know?"   
  
Zack looked down at the boy. "What?"   
  
"I ... " The recruits eyes widened, suddenly becoming aware of who he was talking to, and the slightly harsh, uncharacteristic tone that had appeared in his voice. "That's, I mean ... huh?"   
  
Zack turned from him once again, looking to the straggler in the corner. He hadn't moved. Probably hadn't blinked. He might not have even been breathing. Zack nearly sighed from remorse. To be young and anti-social, what a pity. All it would take was a simple little ice breaker, perhaps the boy just wasn't comfortable in this sort of situation. Once he realized it was more a sending off party than a harsh judgment from their peers, he'd join in with the rest of the group.   
  
"Mr. ... uh, Zack? Sir?"   
  
Zack turned once again, looking down on the still quite eager to gush young recruit. The boy looked back up to him, suddenly very aware that Zack's constant amusement had vanished. "Excuse me," He said, attempting to smile as he turned away from the boy.   
  
The straggler made no attempt to acknowledge anyone approaching him. Zack walked up to him, a wide grin already set. The boy continued to watch the wall, devoid of any signs of life. Just a simple ice breaker was all he needed.   
  
"Enjoying yourself?" Zack asked, stopping a few feet from the boy.   
  
The blond's gaze turned slowly to him, an expression of quiet annoyance hidden beneath his apathetic exterior. Zack's grin faded slightly as he watched, unsure of how the recruit would react. The boy said nothing.   
  
Zack watched, suddenly at a loss. "Why aren't you in with everyone else?" Zack looked back to the large group of boys, all ecstatic over their positions, crowding around the soldiers and practicing moves on each other. The blond remained silent. Zack watched, confusion taking him over. " ... Are you okay?"   
  
"I'm fine."   
  
"You're ... " Zack stood still, watching as the blond turned once again, staring off through the training room walls. Obviously he would need more than one ice breaker. Maybe something /else/ needed breaking. "Well what the hell are you doing here, then?" Zack couldn't help as his voice picked up intensity, however the boy stood unfazed. Zack put a hand to his head, suddenly flustered beyond words. "Do you not want to be training here? Come on, show me some of your moves. I bet you're one of those silent-but-deadly fighters, aren't you?" the black haired SOLDIER returned to his normal cheerful disposition, in hopes that the previous brush-off was merely a fluke. Zack ignored all thoughts that the boy looked as though he could be taken down in one hit.   
  
"No," The boy's voice was softer than he had expected. "It's fine."   
  
Zack stood to his full height, looking down on the blond's adverted gaze. Situations like this called for drastic measures, he thought, and /no-one/ brushed off the request of a SOLIDER first class. "Well, maybe it wasn't a kind offer."   
  
The boy turned slowly once more, his eyes still not meeting. "I'm sorry," He said quietly, staring to Zack's feet. "I just don't think it's ... I don't think it's worth it, Sir."   
  
"I'm /ordering/ you to, soldier, you /can't/ decline my friendly little invitation."   
  
The blond continued to watch the floor, before turning to the side once more. "Yes, Sir."   
  
Zack scowled to himself, not used to taking such assertive behavior. But then again, he had never been so easily brushed off by anyone, especially not a tiny little green recruit whom should have been overjoyed at being singled out by someone in the very position he was trying to attain.   
  
"Hey, Zack!" The voice of another SOLDIER called from across the room. "Come here a sec, I need you to show these guys something."   
  
The black haired man turned, scowling again. He turned back to the blond quickly. "Right. Excuse me for a second. Don't think I won't be back." Zack turned, all too positive that the blond wouldn't go anywhere.   
  
Being anti-social was one thing, but the boy acted as if he was being put out just being there. Why bother attempting to become a SOLDIER if he was going to spend his time alone, refusing to do anything to help himself along the way? He needed a lesson, and Zack was more than willing to be the one to teach it.   
  
  
--------------------------------   
  
  
Shit.   
  
Shit shit shit.   
  
One day, Cloud assured himself, he'd find whatever sadistic bastard it was that constantly pulled his strings. He'd find him and tie /him/ up, make /him/ dance to whatever little whim passed him by. And once he was done with him, he'd find whatever little prick it was that controlled karma, and find out why in the hell none of it was coming back.   
  
One day ... but, that was to say he would make it out of his last day in Shinra alive. Cloud closed his eyes, his arms crossed tight on his chest. He hadn't wanted attention. He thought he had made it quite obvious. By removing himself and distancing himself from everyone, by ignoring everyone that bothered to talk to him, by not even making /eye contact/ with anyone, that it was /quite/ obvious he did /not want attention./   
  
Of course, he hadn't expected that the one SOLIDER notorious for being overly friendly, continually happy, and an all around free-spirit would bother coming to the prelim cuts. Just his luck, though, right?   
  
"Hey,"   
  
Cloud felt a pair of eyes watching him, another recruit standing nearby.   
  
"Hey kid," he called again, moving closer. Cloud sighed internally, turning to face the boy, his attempt at distance already ruined. Of course Cloud knew who he was, the redheaded boy having already made it his duty to torture Cloud during training. Aiden watched him closely, a few others behind him. "What'd you do to get /his/ attention?"   
  
Cloud furrowed his brow slightly, not knowing how to answer. The recruit took another step forward.   
  
"Come on. You think we didn't see Zack talking to you?"   
  
The blond turned to the floor.   
  
"What, now you're too good to talk to me? Jesus."   
  
"I didn't say that ... " Cloud mumbled, looking off to the side. Aiden only scoffed, and a few of his companions stepped forward as well.   
  
"Yeah, you don't have to say it, you figure we all know. You won't talk to /anyone,/ you think you're better than us."   
  
Cloud suddenly looked up at the boy, meeting his eyes. Aiden stood still, his bitterness not fully peaked. "I don't think I'm better than anyone." The blond forced himself to say just that, and to keep the rest inside.   
  
"Bullshit."   
  
Anxiety began to wash over him, all his attempts to remain inconspicuous failed. Why do such actions mean such things? Cloud closed his eyes, turning away from the small group. He didn't think he was better than anyone, how he truly felt couldn't have been more opposite.   
  
"Hey, come /on,/ kid, don't ignore me!"   
  
"I didn't do anything," Cloud said softly. Aiden scoffed again.   
  
"Well what the hell is wrong with you, anyway? Jesus."   
  
"I'd hate to have whatever it is that's stuck up his ass," Another recruit said. A few others tittered.   
  
"Yeah, he just wants attention, anyway. My sister used to do the same thing, right before she started /cutting/ herself."   
  
"Fucking hell I /hate/ people like that,"   
  
"God, I know."   
  
"So is that what you do?" Aiden asked, the other recruits falling silent behind him. Cloud glared at him, unable and unwilling to find the words to argue. "People like you make me sick, you know that?"   
  
"I'm not doing anything," Cloud murmured, staring straight ahead. Aiden suddenly grabbed him by one shoulder, turning him until their eyes were even.   
  
"This is your last day here, kid," He said quietly, his followers unable to hear. "Why don't you save Lieutenant Zack the trouble and fight /me./"   
  
"I'm not fighting /anyone./"   
  
"The hell you are," Aiden clenched his teeth, digging his fingers into Cloud's shoulder. The blond sighed, closing his eyes. He could hear as the redhead's anger grew, Cloud's dismissal obviously sending him over the edge.   
  
All he wanted was to be /left alone./ He had failed SOLDIER, he had failed everyone at home, he had failed /himself./ Wasn't that enough for them?   
  
Aiden grabbed his other shoulder, pressing the boy up against the wall. "Why don't you ever fucking /talk?/" He growled, glaring at Cloud. "You need to understand what you're doing, and if I have to beat it into you, then so be it."   
  
"Hey!" A sharp voice yelled across the room. Cloud's adversaries turned quickly, scattering instantly as Zack rushed over. "What the hell are you doing?" Zack yelled, staring down at Aiden. "Jesus, get a life you little fucking insect."   
  
Of course. His savior. If the SOLDIER needed any more evidence that Cloud was weak, that he should never have even bothered coming to such a place, that it was pointless for him to take any sort of interest in him ...   
  
Aiden scowled, turning from Cloud and Zack and walking to his followers. Cloud began to wish he /had/ beaten him, at least then he'd be able to leave.   
  
"What the hell are you doing?" Zack repeated, this time glaring down at the small blond. Cloud looked up, letting his arms fall to his side and his body language break. Zack met his gaze with anger, and Cloud turned back to the ground. If only they'd let him go, everyone knew he wasn't going to make it, why bother keeping him around for so long? "Are you as incapable of standing up for yourself as you are of talking to others?"   
  
"No," Cloud suddenly felt all his embarrassment leave. He had come to terms with his position in life a good while ago, why should he suddenly let such trifles bother him? "I'm ... I'm used to it, Sir, it doesn't bother me."   
  
Zack stood silently, his expression hidden from Cloud's view. Finally the man sighed, and Cloud let out a relieved breath, the other man most obviously ready to leave him alone for good.   
  
"Jesus /Christ/" The SOLDIER growled, reaching out to Cloud and grasping him by his collar. Cloud's eyes shot up to meet the other man's, emotion suddenly rushing to him as he realized any anger directed to him from such a strong man was probably /not/ a good thing.   
  
"W-what are you--"   
  
Cloud's body was lifted from the floor, the other man's grip tight around his shirt. The blond hung in the air for a moment, watching the SOLDIER's icy blue eyes as he stared into him. Zack pushed his body back, suddenly carrying him to the door. Cloud's mind reeled as he looked to the other recruits around him, only some aware of what was happening to him. They watched in wonder as the strong metal doors were knocked open by Cloud's body, Zack shoving him through the doorway and into the hall.   
  
The building became silent as the doors shut behind them, Zack taking the lead, dragging Cloud behind him, his grip as tight as ever. Maybe it /was/ karma ... after all, he /had/ gotten out.   
  
  
--------------------------------   
  
  
Zack slammed open the door of an empty training room, walking inside and flipping on the dim florescent lights. The boy was still behind him, having been dragged along the entire time without a struggle. He was silent, and Zack could only feel his anger grow.   
  
"What's your name?" He asked, looking around the empty room. The boy was silent for a minute, the sounds of slightly labored breathing the only audible noise.   
  
"Strife, uh, Sir ... Cloud Strife."   
  
"Good," Zack nodded, looking to a nearby wall. At least he was smart enough to answer his questions. He picked Cloud up once more, the blond doing his best to hide any fear he might have felt. Zack closed his eyes, slightly unhappy that he had to resort to such a persona in order to teach the poor kid a lesson. With that, he threw the boy to the dark metal wall, Cloud bouncing off it with a sharp exhale and landing in a small, silent heap on the ground.   
  
"Well then," Zack said, smoothing out his shirt. "I guess we have all the time we need to spar now, don't we?"   
  
Cloud looked up to him, one arm rapped around his stomach as he attempted to win back his breath. His eyes held a hint of alarm, darting from the SOLDIER to the door behind him. Zack sighed, running a hand through his disheveled black hair.   
  
The room fell silent again as Zack began to adjust his gloves, devising a strategy to work for the blond recruit. Cloud remained still on the floor, watching the ground and letting his breathing even out once more.   
  
"So why didn't you stand up for yourself, back there?" Zack asked quietly, looking away from the boy. He heard Cloud shift slightly. "Are you not going to answer me?"   
  
The blond remained silent, and Zack felt as his anger boiled up once more. He didn't care how little the boy wanted to open up to anyone, it wasn't a matter of figuring him out any longer, if he refused to talk and let pathetic little rodents like the other recruits walk all over him, then he needed a god damned intervention, however violent.   
  
"Look here," Zack said, still turned away from Cloud. "I want to know why you're here. Why are you trying to become a SOLDIER if all you're going to do is take shit from everyone else, let them take full advantage of you, and decline an offer from one of the best SOLDIERs here to help train you?" There. The black haired man nearly smiled to himself, proud that he was able to get the question out so politely.   
  
The blond moved slightly. "I'm ... " His voice was barely audible, and Zack turned to face him. Cloud's head hung into his chest, his arms lying on his lap, palms up. "It doesn't bother me anymore ... Sir, what they do to me. I'm ... used to taking it."   
  
Zack looked down to him, unsure how to interpret the small self-explanation. "Stand up," He said finally, his hands on his hips. Cloud looked up to him, his eyes wide with confusion. At least, Zack realized, he had given up on his attempted apathy.   
  
" ... Sir?"   
  
"Stand up! And quit calling me Sir, it doesn't fit me. It's just Zack." Cloud's expression remained the same, and Zack sighed. "Stand /up,/ Strife."   
  
This time the boy complied, struggling onto his feet, his arms hanging to his side listlessly. Zack looked him over once more. There was no way he could hold his own in /any/ fight, asking him to spar was probably sentencing the boy to death.   
  
"You must work out," Zack said quietly, almost grinning. Cloud looked to him with slight distaste, his lack of muscle tone obviously apparent to him as well. So his attempt at help was lost on the boy along with his sense of humor. "So tell me, why are you here?"   
  
"Sir?"   
  
"Here, /here!/ You know, Shinra. Why are you training here?"   
  
Cloud watched Zack for a moment before letting his gaze fall back to the floor, the boy suddenly the very image of despair.   
  
"I just ... I wanted to become a SOLDIER, Sir."   
  
The two men stood in silence, broken only by Zack's abrupt sigh. There was more to the blond than that, his demeanor had only screamed it to him from across the room. Maybe it wasn't even that important, but Zack prided himself on having a certain second sense about some people, and there was something there that awoke a strong sense of compassion within him.   
  
There was something else there as well, Zack knew, he just couldn't decide upon it. Perhaps it was hidden talent, although the boy's lithe figure (well, maybe lithe was too elegant- the boy was bones, plain and simple,) suggested otherwise.   
  
"You /wanted/ to become one?"   
  
Cloud's eyes remained fixed on the ground, although Zack had seen the slight jolt as he realized his own mistake. The blond shrugged vaguely, turning to the side. "I know I didn't make it, I failed most everything we did."   
  
"Really?" Zack couldn't keep a distinct personality pinned down for himself, forgetting for a moment that he had meant to make himself intimidating. "Me too. Although when I think about it now, I'm fairly sure my instructor had it out for me since the beginning ... " Zack realized he had gone off into a personal tirade once again, instantly silencing himself and scowling to regain his previous persona. "You can't tell me that's the only reason you're here. You can't just want to be a SOLDIER, there has to be a reason why you'd want to become one."   
  
The blond fell silent (well, technically he had been silent for the majority of their acquaintanceship thus far, but he still had moments where he seemed to fall into an even more somber stance,) and Zack put a hand to his head, a low murmur barely audible even to himself.   
  
"I-I want to become stronger," He said softly, picking up on the other man's annoyance. Zack's hand left his forehead for a moment, hovering a few inches from his eyes as he watched Cloud.   
  
"Stronger?" He asked. He let his hand fall to his side, his nose crinkled in slight confusion. "Don't you think there are other ways to go about it instead of trying to become one of the most elite fighting soldiers in Shinra?" Cloud's expression was hidden, but Zack knew there wasn't one to see anyway. "What's so important about becoming stronger, anyway?"   
  
"Does it matter?" Cloud asked abruptly, slight emotion apparent for the first time in his voice. So it was a touchy subject.   
  
There was definitely something there, Zack thought, if only he could put a finger on--   
  
Oh, god.   
  
Cloud turned to face Zack, his own irritation over trying to be analyzed finally stronger than his desire to disappear. Zack knew the expression of horror that was now so apparent on him wouldn't be reassuring to the blond. Cloud's eyes narrowed slightly, watching Zack in question.   
  
" ... What?" the blond asked, still slightly intimidated by the other man. Zack forced the emotion away, breaking into a grin.   
  
"Nothing!" He said, far too lively. Cloud's expression didn't change, and Zack began to wonder how one mastered the you're-a-complete-idiot,-aren't-you? stare he was receiving. "Look," He said, trying to regain control of the situation. "I think I may understand your situation a little better than you'd think, so why don't you let me help you?"   
  
Apparently, Cloud had only come out of his shell long enough to appear indignant towards the personality that couldn't help but show through. The blond had turned away once more, reverting back to his former stance, his eyes clouded and his face blank.   
  
Zack sighed, again. "What do you have against help?"   
  
"Nothing, it's ... " Cloud shifted in his spot, appearing more uncomfortable than he had before. "Really, it's not ... it's not worth it, I'm fine."   
  
"You don't want to show me that you're weak?"   
  
Cloud's breath caught slightly, but Zack knew it was from something entirely different from embarrassment. Cloud turned to him, his eyes narrow and questioning. Zack smiled softly.   
  
"Honestly, I'm not out to gain anything, if that's what you're thinking. I really think I could help you, if you let me. I can't really sit by and watch some poor kid let everyone walk all over him and deny himself what he's been working so hard for, just because he's made himself so miserable."   
  
" ... I never said I was miserable." Cloud murmured softly.   
  
"So you're not?"   
  
The blond watched Zack intently, his own blue eyes still unreadable to the other man. If it was a matter of trust, than the boy had nothing to worry about. Zack knew it wasn't, though, it was much deeper than that, much harder to reach. He had done it before, though, and he knew he could do it again.   
  
The creak of a door opening jostled Zack out of his thoughts, and he turned to face a Shinra officer. Cloud repositioned himself against the wall, suddenly standing straight. The officer smiled slightly at Zack.   
  
"I'm sorry, Sir, but you're wanted elsewhere."   
  
Zack put a hand behind his head, a fake smile plastered to his face. Of course he had to be interrupted, Shinra could never let things go his way for too long. "Right," He said, moving to the door. The officer left down the hall, and Zack stood still in the archway, holding the metal door open. He turned back to Cloud, who was still standing, staring at the ground.   
  
"I'm by no means done with you," Zack said, his cheeriness finally back. Cloud looked up to him. "We'll start training tomorrow, I'll come and find you, so don't worry."   
  
The boy offered no reply, although Zack had known he wouldn't receive one. He let the door close behind him, and began off down the hall, no doubt to the one man he now apparently couldn't escape.   
  
Zack nearly laughed to himself as he reached the elevator, the previous officer standing off to the side with a polite smile. God, he thought, it had been hell putting up with Sephiroth his entire time with Shinra, how in god's name was he expected to deal with two?   
  
  
--------------------------------   
  
  
Cloud thanked the ever efficient (or cheap, Cloud wasn't sure, since the company /did/ produce electricity,) Shinra for the motion detecting lights that had gone off, leaving his crumpled heap of blond hair and oversized Shinra uniform in complete darkness. So, he thought, unmoving from where he had let himself slide down, what had he learned today? If you want attention, do your best to remove yourself from social situations. If you don't ... actively participate in them?   
  
The blond groaned, letting his head roll back, bumping against the hard wall. He felt horrible, guilty of something ... and the only thing that made it worse was the realization that if he thought too much about it, he might find that he /had/ actually wanted things to play out this way.   
  
The thought was sickening, and he pushed it away as quickly as it came. He wasn't going to be anyone's burden, he wasn't important enough, and he wasn't worth it. Anyone else would have realized it ... but no, was he deserving of that? Of course not. He got the exception.   
  
God. Damn it. Cloud was tired of thinking of things in terms of 'one day,' but he couldn't help himself. One day he'd just sink into the floor, disappear into oblivion and no one would be the wiser.   
  
Except Zack. Hell. Cloud sighed, letting his muscles relax as best they could against the cold metal surroundings. Maybe it was best to just not think about it ... the soldier would obviously realize what he was doing, a futile humanitarian effort to help some poor boy he had found one day ... even if Cloud hadn't been consumed by the all-too-familiar voice of self-hatred, he still knew that he wasn't worth it. He may have been bitter, he may have been resentful, but damn it all if he wasn't aware of his own position. He had /failed SOLDIER./ There was nothing Zack or any other SOLDIER could do for him.   
  
Still, Zack had overlooked one crucial point that made all of Cloud's thoughts completely meaningless in the end. By morning, he wouldn't be a part of Shinra any longer.   
  
  
------------------------------------------------------------- 


	3. Chapter 3

Forgotten Daze  
FF7 Fan Fiction  
  
Chapter 3  
  
  
-------------------------------------------------------------   
  
  
The night was quiet and the room was dark. Zack had positioned himself in the window sill, a stolen bottle of carefully smuggled beer hanging precariously from his grip.   
  
"And then you solved world hunger, created world peace, and rescued the kitten from the tree, is that it?"   
  
Zack turned to his friend, already a bit too tipsy to argue. Instead he continued to melt in his semi-euphoric state, a thick glaze over his bright blue eyes. "He's like you," he managed to mumble, grinning to the white-haired man's back. "Except for the asinine comments, but I'm sure those will come in time."   
  
"Just part of the territory, no doubt."   
  
"Hey, it's not easy to be the designated good guy among all you stiff necked bureaucrats, you know."   
  
Sephiroth fell silent once more, lost in the darkness and Zack's own slightly blurred vision. The black haired soldier heard himself grumble something inaudible, angry at his friend's swift departing.   
  
"Is that why you brought him up, then?" Sephiroth asked, apparently still somewhere in the dark room. Zack emptied the last bottle before answering.   
  
"No, it's just ... " He let his head fall to the window, the cool glass sending a small shiver through him. "I could have maybe gotten him to come out entirely, you know."   
  
"I fail to see why it's so important. So he's weak, anti-social and self-hating. Why bother with someone like that?"   
  
Zack began to laugh, although he hadn't meant to be as amused as he seemed. "He's like /you,/ dammit, don't you get it?"   
  
Sephiroth was silent again, but Zack knew the emotion that had taken him over. He laughed harder. "Okay fine, you're /strong/ and anti-social. And self-hating, in certain aspects, I suppose, all your stupid angst and history and--"   
  
"Zack."   
  
"... Are you leaving?!" The black haired soldier was more than used to his friend's tactics. "It's like," Zack looked around the room, straining his eyes in the darkness. "It's like, early."   
  
"With all that it takes to make a SOLDIER," Sephiroth said quietly, "It's supposed to be fairly hard to get drunk."   
  
Zack only laughed again. "Yeah, I suppose, but this shit's pretty potent, not to mention laced with god knows what, and it's like my ... uh ... it's ... not my first bottle, anyway."   
  
He heard the silver haired man mutter something, Zack's advanced state of incoherence obviously bothering him.   
  
"Such a tight ass," Zack slurred, turning back to the window, the cool glass incredibly inviting to his bare shoulder.   
  
"If you're going to sit there and talk about this kid all night--"   
  
"You'll leave?" Zack scowled, his eyes half shut. "Good thing you're not the jealous type, right?" There was no reply, and Zack sighed. "Fine, go, it's fine." Once again there was no response, and Zack knew he was alone.   
  
If there was one thing he could count on, it was that Sephiroth was nothing but a stone wall at the end of his talk. He could say anything around the man and know it would go nowhere. The thought was slightly reassuring, as the booze hadn't don't much to keep Zack's stories down, and most of his recent talk was of the blond recruit he had discovered.   
  
Of course he was sure that even if Sephiroth had actually listened to his stories, he still would have done nothing. So there was a young kid somewhere that Zack thought acted like him. He knew his friend's interest couldn't be peaked by such a meager statement.   
  
Zack's thoughts began to lose focus, the alcohol and lack of sleep doing little to let the Mako keep him awake. Slowly he stood, carefully making his way to what he assumed was his bed. It was still disheveled, blankets strewn about the bare mattress, and somehow still warm. It was more than enough for the black haired man to bury himself deep, drifting off into a true slumber for the first time in weeks.   
  
  
--------------------------------   
  
  
"Is it there? Is it there?!"   
  
"Quit /elbowing/ me and I'll tell you!"   
  
"What about Mason? Is that name up?"   
  
"Holy /fuck!/"   
  
"Shit, I knew I wouldn't make it."   
  
"D-Davis? /Davis/ made it and I didn't?!"   
  
"Oh, hell fucking /yeah!/"   
  
"Like I'm just going to go home now?! "   
  
"Oh, my god! /Whipps/ made it?!"   
  
"Hell /fucking yeah!/"   
  
A large crowd had formed on one side of the room, a small cork board pinned with the holiest of lists: that which decided who went on, and who went home. Cloud's thoughts were dark as he watched and listened to the group, slightly bitter that all their weeks of training hadn't even been enough to merit Shinra reading the names themselves.   
  
There was still the occasional cry of joy and defeat when the blond decided to make his way to the front. Two doors lined the sides of the board, guarded by two large, intimidating Shinra officials, ready to send the winners forward and the losers home. The room had been steadily decreasing in mass, most of the energetic youths already long since gone, moving on to their new positions.   
  
Cloud spotted a hint of red, no doubt Aiden's own hair, near the board. The boy stood, watching the ground, apparently deep in thought. One of his friends stood nearby, talking at full speed, not the least bit concerned in his friend's absent minded stare. Cloud looked away, hopefully able to make it out of the room before the boy noticed him.   
  
The blond inched his way forward, not at all rushed, waiting for the group to disperse more for his own chance to look. One of the boys in front of him jumped, crying out as he slapped his friend on the back, laughing and rushing over to one of the Shinra men. It must have been nice, Cloud thought, to succeed in things.   
  
It was his turn, the blond realized, the board completely clear of other recruits. He sighed internally, not even quite sure why he bothered to come. Pointless, he thought, just like everything else here.   
  
Cloud looked to the sheet, his eyes skimming over the names. Bradley, D'marko, Langly, of course that threesome had made it. Norris, Pearson ... Ryland ... well, of course Aiden had made it, he had been one of the best ... and ... what? Cloud's eyes narrowed as he moved closer to the board, staring hard at the name. Jesus, what were the odds? Someone that had made it past the cuts had the same exact name as him! Even the spelling was--   
  
Oh.   
  
" ... Oh. ... Shit."   
  
A few of the others around him turned, noticing the boy's horrified expression. Off to the side, Aiden still stood, his eyes closed. Obviously he had already noticed.   
  
"Oh ... mother of fucking hell ... " Cloud tripped back away from the board, his hand to his head, trying to steady the sickening notion that his entire head was floating.   
  
Cloud looked to Aiden, his eyes wide with terror. The redhead returned the gaze, his eyes flat and unreadable. Was this a joke? The blond turned quickly, facing the remaining recruits who were now watching him with interest. Aiden must have ... Cloud turned back, his mind reeling. He must have done it, it had to be some sort of joke, there was no way--   
  
"Congratulations, then, Strife," The redhead said quietly, the traces of anger and resentment for once absent in his voice. Cloud opened his mouth to speak, the horrific onslaught of emotions too much to keep up with.   
  
"What ... what the /hell/ is going on?!"   
  
A few of the other recruits behind him laughed slightly, patting him on the back. They had no idea who he was, he had been too silent in the training for anyone other than Aiden to notice.   
  
"Congrats, kid," one of them said.   
  
"Yeah, I'm surprised I made it too, so don't worry."   
  
Cloud rushed back to the board, his hands digging into the cork, his nose only a matter of inches from the paper. Strife, Cloud. How was that /possible?!/ "Well, we're guaranteed a position in Shinra, now," One of the boys said, slapping his own chest in victory. "Now we /really/ get to have fun."   
  
Another hand came down on his shoulder. Cloud stood in shock, gaping at the list of those who had made it past the preliminary cuts. The boy behind him pulled him away. "Come on, we gotta get our stuff moved into the new barracks,"   
  
The blond turned to the boy, his eyes still wide. He opened his mouth to speak once again, and quickly shut it, fearing the noise of confusion that would undoubtedly spill out.   
  
"Name?" Cloud looked up at once, having been lead to a nearby door. The dark Shinra official stood tall, gazing down on the blond. " ... Name?"   
  
" ... Guh?" Okay, apparently random sounds of ignorance could still make their way out.   
  
"Johnson," The tall soldier that had led Cloud so far answered, letting his hand drop from his shoulder. "Benjamin, Sir,"   
  
The officer looked to his clipboard, making small ticks with his pen. He nodded finally, glancing briefly at the ID card the young recruit held in front of his beaming face. He stepped around the man, disappearing into another room, leaving Cloud to answer the question for himself.   
  
"Name?"   
  
"Uh ... " He looked around suddenly, still sure it was somehow a joke. Only a small number of recruits were left, and none bothered to look in his direction. "Strife, Cloud, uh, Sir," he answered, fumbling for his own ID card.   
  
The man nodded, looking to his list. Cloud felt his stomach twist.   
  
"The list said I was, I don't know, I didn't think I had made it, but it did say it, I don't know, I was thinking someone else did it, but I don't know cause it was there and--"   
  
"Right," The man let his pen snap down to the board, and Cloud's eyes went wide once more.   
  
"... huh?"   
  
"You're on the list, kid, get inside."   
  
" ... Oh. Oh! Okay!" Cloud let his ID fall back on the string around his neck, maneuvering around the tall man and into the next room, trying his best to keep his expression neutral. For once in his life, he found it extremely hard to do.   
  
  
--------------------------------   
  
  
"Well," The tall brunette said, taking in the small apartment. "I suppose you want first dibs on the beds?"   
  
Cloud surveyed the room. Something was /not/ right. Things were going well. Far too well. If he stepped inside the room, the ceiling might just fall right in on him.   
  
Kail brushed past him, entering the small room. It was tiny, probably unable to fit two people to begin with, but it was an upgrade. Cloud had made it from the large barracks of the recruits and to a small, two person apartment. He was owned by Shinra, now, and the thought, however pathetic it seemed, was completely glorious in his mind.   
  
"All right, I suppose I'll take this one," his roommate, chosen only out of alphabetical convenience, let his large duffel bag fall to one of the small beds in the back room. The springs creaked under its weight, and the large man toppled down as well, the frame crying out in pain.   
  
Things could /not/ go this well. He had made it one step further, now officially a member of Shinra. Granted, he still wasn't a SOLDIER, wasn't anywhere near that, but his goal was closer now than it ever had been. God, so much closer. What if he could ... what if he were to ...   
  
"Hey, c'mon Cloud, get your stuff in here," Kail had apparently overlooked the blond's obvious anti-social tendencies, taking the position as the first person to call him by his first name since he left Nibleheim   
  
Cloud complied, dragging his slightly smaller bag of belongings into the makeshift living room. A tiny kitchen lined the wall, only inches from the door that blocked off the bedroom. One small couch inhabited the room, a cheap imitation coffee table settled in front. Cloud walked past the kitchen counters, feeling the cool plastic with his free hand, and entered the bedroom.   
  
It was, surprisingly, tiny. Kail was spread out on his bed, his indentation in the mattress more than apparent. A small folding screen was the only privacy the two beds had from each other, but it was nearly a thousand times better than row after row of bunk beds. Cloud moved to the right of the screen, a small one-person bed laid against the wall suddenly more inviting than it should have been.   
  
The blond let himself sit, bouncing slightly on the worn springs. It would do. Of course it would do, /anything/ would do. He could actually use sheets. /Sheets!/ Maybe get a blanket that didn't itch, some pillows that weren't soaked in the sweat of so many anonymous soldiers, and ... oh god.   
  
He had ... a lamp.   
  
A /lamp!/ Sitting next to his bed, on the small nightstand ... god, a /nightstand./ He could actually live somewhat normal!   
  
"Sure beats the barracks, huh?" Kail asked through the screen. Cloud continued to bounce softly, listening to the creaks beneath him.   
  
"Yeah ... it does." Cloud looked over the room once more. An imitation painting on the wall, working electrical sockets, the door to the bathroom and-- "Oh my god," the blond couldn't help but speak, suddenly frozen in shock. Kail made a quizzical noise, and Cloud's eyes widened, his bouncing subsiding. "We have ... windows."   
  
Kail began to laugh, and Cloud could hear the strain of his bed as the large man moved. Dear god, it was almost normal.   
  
It didn't take him long to unpack, as he hadn't brought much in terms of belongings in the first place. Most were for his trek to Midgar anyway, once he had arrived at Shinra he hadn't had much use for his street clothes. When he was done, Cloud stood in triumph, overlooking his half of the room. Kail was busy in the other room, searching through the pantries and crying out over every discovery of food they had been denied before.   
  
Things could actually start to work, Cloud realized, walking out of the room. He didn't have to worry about being kicked out of Shinra entirely, no matter what he still had a position to fall back to.   
  
Kail murmured something from the floor, looking through the small rack of spices in the bottom of the cupboard. Something else amazing. He hadn't ended up staying with someone like Aiden (god, he had almost forgotten that he still had the chance of being forced to stay with him.)   
  
Things were ... far too good. Cloud looked up to the ceiling once more, checking to make sure it had no faults, and wouldn't crash down upon him.   
  
Something had to happen, things like this /never/ happened to him. The gods of fate had long ago designated him as their whipping boy, why would they suddenly give him so much?   
  
With that thought, there was a sharp knock on their front door. Kail's head popped up, looking to it.   
  
"I'll get it," Cloud said quietly. Kail nodded, returning to his exploration. It was probably President Shinra himself, here to revoke his promotion and kick him out personally. Or maybe Aiden, here to give him a good once over for having made it. Hell, maybe it was his mother, here to take him home and force him to--   
  
"Good morning!" The face was only inches from his own, already in the room by the time Cloud had opened the door. The blond jumped back in shock, his arm going up to block instinctively.   
  
"Gah! What are you doing here?!"   
  
Zack looked down on him, grinning madly. "We're training today, remember?"   
  
"What?!"   
  
"Training, you know, that thing you do to get better?"   
  
" ... What?!"   
  
"I didn't have you pegged for the animated type, what's going on?"   
  
"What are you doing?!"   
  
Zack's grin remained strong as he pushed the boy aside, entering the apartment. Kail was kneeling on the floor, tall enough to see over the kitchen counters. His eyes were just as wide as Cloud's.   
  
"How ... " Cloud looked outside briefly, somehow sure there was something there that could answer his questions. "How did you know I was here?"   
  
Zack moved to the couch, sitting down on it quickly and flashing Kail a smile. He turned back to Cloud, stretching out. "Well it's not too hard to find the housing plans, there not entirely secret."   
  
"But ... why ... " Cloud let the door close slowly, his eyes focused on the floor. Oh. Of course. Karma. That's right, things were going well, remember? He had to be reminded that things were still shit.   
  
"So are you settled in yet?" Zack asked. Cloud remained silent.   
  
"Uh, aren't you ... " Kail stood up slowly, eyeing the two men suspiciously. "Aren't you Zack?" The black haired soldier turned to Kail, nodding. His gaze went to Cloud quickly. "You know him?"   
  
Cloud sighed, letting his head fall back slightly. God.   
  
"'Course he does." Zack said, his boots on the table. "We go way back, don't we?"   
  
"No." Cloud said flatly.   
  
"Oh, he's so modest."   
  
"I don't know you."   
  
"Oh come on, Cloud, don't play hard to get."   
  
"I've never seen you before in my life."   
  
"Well now you're just trying to irritate me, aren't you?"   
  
"We've never even spoken."   
  
"Oh, what an ass." Zack's grin was as strong as ever, and Cloud knew there was no possible way to win.   
  
Kail stood still, still in mild shock. "So you ... do know him?"   
  
Cloud finally groaned, putting a hand to his head. "Why are you here?"   
  
Zack's grin faded slightly. Slightly. "I said I was going to help you, remember? Of course I already have a bit, but you can make that up to me by training the next couple of weeks."   
  
Annoyance began to take him over, the words he wasn't able to get out from their first meeting finally surfacing. "Why are you so interested in helping me?" Cloud's voice was almost loud, and he began to realize that he was ruining his silent appearance.   
  
Zack scowled, apparently the only other emotion he could portray. "Can't I just be a nice guy? What's so strange about that?"   
  
Cloud sighed again, all his enthusiasm over the promotion gone. "Nothing ... it's just ... "   
  
"Oh, here we go," Zack sat up, his feet falling to the ground. "Back to the distant answers?"   
  
"No!" Cloud's arms dropped to his side, his eyes closed in exasperation. "I just want to-- w-what? 'Distant answers?'"   
  
"Trailing off, watching the floor, sighing audibly every other sentence, you know, anything to establish how put out you are having to talk to someone."   
  
"Put out?" Cloud repeated, suddenly unable to control the anger that began to rise within him. He could still see Kail from the corner of his eye, watching the two men in wonder. "Why the hell do you think you know me so well? You don't know shit! Why do you act like you're so interested in helping me?"   
  
"Anger, eh?" Zack put a hand to his chin, feigning deep thought. "Good, then my strategy will work."   
  
The blond stood, an unintentional sneer on his face as he watched the other man. His eyes began to narrow as his hand moved to his forehead. Other people's ignorance is fully transferable into physical pain. "What are you talking about?!"   
  
The SOLDIER broke into a grin once more. Cloud shook his head, his eyes wide with irritation. Zack laughed slightly.   
  
"C'mon," He said, standing. Cloud continued to watch, all prior notions of professional conduct with superior officers completely absent from his mind. "Let's just get going, we can still argue if you want, but I'd rather get moving while we're at it."   
  
"W-what?" Cloud backed away from the approaching figure, recalling their first encounter, and the dark bruise he still had on his back. Zack smiled, raising his hands to show his innocence.   
  
"We're just going down the block for a little training. And if you want to try and get out of it, that's fine, but I'll remind you that it's a /fucking order,/ and you have to comply."   
  
Cloud opened his mouth to speak, shutting it quickly. He was defeated, plain and simple. "Fine," He said, adverting his eyes to the door. "I'll go, but--"   
  
"Well great!" Zack grinned, towering over the small blond. "Go get changed, I'll just wait here."   
  
The blond turned, unwilling to argue further, and made his way into the back room. Kail followed, shutting the door behind them. Cloud turned, looking to his roommate.   
  
" ... You know Zack?" He asked, his eyes darting suspiciously from the blond and back to the door. Cloud sighed, scratching his head. At least it wasn't the ceiling.   
  
  
--------------------------------   
  
  
How long had it been? Cloud looked behind him, the door to his apartment still quite visible. God. A matter of seconds and they had already ripped into each other.   
  
"I don't care /how/ big of a shit you're going to be to me," Zack said, his pace nearly unmatchable to the young blond straggling behind. "We're doing this."   
  
"Why?" Cloud repeated his question, the only real one he had.   
  
"/Because!/"   
  
"You're some sick pedophile, aren't you?"   
  
Zack turned, looking down on the boy. For reasons the blond couldn't quite comprehend, he looked back. "I bet I'm a whole three years older than you, aren't I?"   
  
"You're still sick."   
  
"Jesus," Zack turned again, resuming his walk. "You know I've had more rewarding relationships than this."   
  
"Yeah? So have I, with the--" Cloud nearly stuttered, suddenly aware of what he was about to say. The what? The man that beat him when he was a child? That was casual conversation, no doubt.   
  
"The what?" Zack asked, his interest partially detached, only arguing with half his self.   
  
" ... Nothing, I don't know."   
  
"Right, of course, you were going to say something that might shine some sort of light on why you act like you do."   
  
"What?" Cloud stopped, looking to the other man's back with as much distaste as he could muster. Zack turned, already expecting such a reaction. "Why do you think you know me so well?"   
  
"Because I'm fairly sure I do." He replied casually. "Are you saying that it's not true?"   
  
Cloud's gaze fell slowly to the floor. Of course it was true. But was there any way on god's green earth he was going to let that asshole of a soldier know it? "No. It's not."   
  
The trek continued, Zack leading him through the many corridors of the building. The two were silent for most of the journey, leaving Cloud with much time to think. Of course he had figured it out. Zack had said it himself, anyway. He had already helped him. There was no way Cloud could have made it past the prelims, he wasn't about to go delude himself on fantasies of grandeur. So how had he made it? Cloud pressed his eyes closed, his teeth grating inside his mouth. Zack. He had done it. He had ... he had fucking done it.   
  
The two men continued to walk, stopping only when they reached a quiet hallway on a bottom floor. Cloud looked to the other man, both waiting silently for the door clearance to pass. He was smiling. Fucking ... smiling.   
  
Cloud felt as he snapped, unable to contain his questions any longer. "Why are you always so fucking happy?!"   
  
Zack stared ahead, his expression constant.   
  
"Why do you think you're doing such a good deed trying to help me?! What are you getting out of this?! Why do you think you know me so well?!"   
  
The black haired soldier shrugged slightly as the door opened, stepping inside. "Because I am, nothing, and because I do."   
  
Cloud's eyes narrowed, his anger too strong to even sort the answers given to the correct question. "Why?! Give me a straight answer! Why do you want to help me so badly?"   
  
Zack turned suddenly, looking down into Cloud's eyes. The blond felt as his words fell, straightening his stance under the gaze. "Because, Cloud, you need it." He flashed a short smile, turning once again and walking into a slightly larger corridor.   
  
"So you found some poor, helpless child that you felt some sort of 'unspoken kinship' with, then decided that 'hey, maybe I should mess with him and let him into Shinra even though he doesn't deserve it, and then mess around with him as much as I can to see what I can figure out about him,' and then stand there and fucking /smile/ the whole time while you watched how far you could push him?!"   
  
"Oh, so now /you/ know what /I'm/ like?" Zack asked with a sly grin, turning to face him.   
  
"Fucking--God! Do you /have/ to be such a jackass?"   
  
"Do /you/ have to be such a jackass?"   
  
"Why did you tell them to let me into Shinra?"   
  
"Didn't you want to be let in?"   
  
"Wha--Jus--Are you /trying/ to make me mad?"   
  
"Are /you?/"   
  
"Why are you doing this?!"   
  
"Why are you?"   
  
"Look, just-- why do you have to make things so difficult?!"   
  
"Why do /you/ have to make things so difficult?"   
  
"Ju--W--Why are you so annoying?!"   
  
"Why are /you?/"   
  
"Stop that!"   
  
"Stop what?"   
  
"That!"   
  
"What?"   
  
"Quit it!"   
  
"Quit what?"   
  
"/Stop it!/"   
  
It took a moment to register, and when it did, Cloud felt his entire stomach fell through the floor. His arm was stiff, pins pricking into his skin, his entire arm ablaze. It felt as though he had hit a plate of metal, the vibrations 2resonating in his bones. Shit. Had he just ... /hit/ him?   
  
"Oh shit." Cloud pulled his hand back, his knuckles throbbing. Zack stood still, his own hand covering the side of his jaw, almost directly below his ear.   
  
"Did you just hit me?"   
  
"I--I ... oh, my god, I--" Cloud tried to stretch his fingers out, realizing suddenly that the pain in his own hand probably outweighed the pain he had dealt the other man.   
  
"Did you just /hit/ me?"   
  
"No! I mean," Cloud's eyes went wide as Zack stared down to him, a slight red mark on his cheek the only evidence that he had even touched him. "I mean yes, but--"   
  
"You little /shit!/"   
  
"W-What?!"   
  
His breath was gone, knocked out of him completely as he hit the hard tile floor, nearly two hundred pounds of sheer muscle suddenly driving him into the ground.   
  
"You should know not to hit a SOLDIER first class!" Zack yelled, grabbing Cloud by the collar and shaking the lesson into him.   
  
"I--did--nnt--hi--tt--"   
  
"The hell you didn't!"   
  
"Your--rr--a--fuu--ckk--"   
  
"A fuck? What? Are you going to keep talking even after your head's come off?" Zack gave him a stronger jolt.   
  
"ckking--ass--hole--!" Cloud brought his head to his chest in an attempt to save his neck from the shakes, his hands flying to the other man's as his rage suddenly swelled up inside him. His fingers, even the near broken ones, dug into the other man's flesh, ripping them away from his collar. He thought he heard Zack say something, but his own low growl drowned it out.   
  
Cloud felt a moments opening, Zack's weight suddenly lifting for a split second, and the blond brought one leg beneath him, pushing himself up with a burst of power.   
  
The two men sat on the floor, locked in struggle for superiority. "You think you can overpower me?" Zack asked, their faces only inches from each other. Cloud's eyes were pure hate as he stared back, the only answer the other man needed. "I'd like to see you /try./"   
  
The blond's sneer intensified as Zack smiled smugly. A simple nudge could have sent Cloud toppling, he was barely trying.   
  
"God--damn--it!" Cloud continued to struggle, his legs digging into the floor as he pushed up and against the other man. He had to win, somehow he had to pin him. Pin the elite soldier that weighed a good hundred pounds more, bring down the giant sack of muscle and adrenalin that did nothing but /smile/ against all the adversity in the world. "/god/--/damn/--/it!/"   
  
"Training?" A voice suddenly asked from behind Cloud. Zack's breath caught slightly, and Cloud gave a final push, the other man suddenly toppling back and onto the floor. Cloud quickly climbed on top, his hands pinning Zack's to the ground, glaring down into his eyes with incalculable rage. Zack's eyes were suddenly different, looking past him with amusement. The hallway fell silent and time seemed to slow.   
  
Something wasn't right, and Cloud felt as his insides slowly began to dissolve, the feeling of another presence nearby sending a small shiver through him. The voice, Cloud realized, was so familiar ... fluid and deep and ... not ... good ... at ... all.   
  
"Sephiroth?" Zack asked, breaking into another grin. Cloud froze.   
  
"So this is the big training assignment you said you had to do?"   
  
The black haired soldier laughed slightly, hardly even winded by the previous fight. "Of course. Being straddled in the hallway by some cute young blond; best kind of training there is."   
  
Cloud's entire body was numb. He couldn't turn, couldn't see what /couldn't/ be real. Sephiroth ... he wasn't real, he wasn't there, there was no way he could ...   
  
"Well when you're done-- "   
  
"Right, right, I know, I know."   
  
The sound of footsteps prevailed in Cloud's mind, the noise of moving fabric, a slight swish of hair ... Jesus Christ he was /not/ real!   
  
"Seh ... " The blond began to turn his head, the world still moving slower than it ever had before. A small hint of a dark jacket, something silver-- Oh shit, it /was/ him.   
  
Cloud turned back, unable to look any further. Zack must have noticed the emotion, although, Cloud realized, how anyone could have missed it was the real question. "You uh, okay?" he asked, pushing himself up into a slight sitting position. Cloud's eyes were giant, staring at Zack in something quite akin to absolute terror.   
  
"Seph ... "   
  
"What's ... wrong?"   
  
"Seph ... ?"   
  
Zack lifted an eyebrow. " ...iroth?"   
  
"That was ... "   
  
"Sephiroth."   
  
"Sephiroth?"   
  
"Yeah ... "   
  
" ... Sephiroth?"   
  
"/Yeah./"   
  
"Oh /shit./" Cloud put a hand to his head, suddenly very, very sick.   
  
"Hey--hey, what's wrong? Dude, don't--hey, kid c'mon, if you're going to be sick you're going to get off me /right now./"   
  
Cloud only groaned in response, his entire head spinning. Zack moved from under him, grabbing him by the shoulders.   
  
"Cloud?"   
  
" ... shit."   
  
"Hey--Cloud, c'mon, what's going on, are you okay?"   
  
The blond closed his eyes, squeezing them shut as hard as he could, trying to drown out the ringing in his ears as the world around him faded. His forehead hit something soft, the material of Zack's shirt recognizable even in the darkness. He called his name once more, but Cloud let himself go, unable to hold on to his own consciousness.   
  
  
--------------------------------   
  
  
" ... Probably overworked himself. We were fighting, and we stopped so abruptly, he must have just gone light-headed."   
  
Kail nodded, although Zack wasn't entirely sure the large man understood anything that had happened since he had come to the apartment, the tiny blond draped over his shoulder.   
  
"So just, you know, make sure he eats when he wakes up, or something," Zack ran a hand through his hair as he realized he didn't quite know how to treat such black-outs.   
  
Kail nodded again, still watching the other man in amazement. He hadn't heard a word he had said.   
  
"Right, well," Zack looked around the room, able to see a small hint of Cloud's sleeping figure through the only other door in the room. He wasn't going to make it a point to stay and chew the fat with a man like Kail, if such things were possible, and so he grinned once more, reaching for the door. "Just let him sleep for a bit, and tell him I'll come back tomorrow."   
  
The other man make a brief grunt of acknowledgement, and Zack stepped out into the hallway, pulling the door shut behind him.   
  
Great. Zack began his trudge down the hallway, hoping to somehow be distracted along his journey, anything to give him time to be alone. He didn't want to talk to anyone, especially not about Cloud. And Zack, having already filled his friend in on all the details, knew that Sephiroth would ask.   
  
He had seen hundreds of kids like Cloud. Well, not /like/ Cloud, there were few who were like him in any sense of the meaning, but the idol worship? Zack nearly laughed to himself, suddenly wondering if he was jealous that his friend had such a following.   
  
Still, there were so many who had joined Shinra for that very reason. Anything to become like him, the living legend that was Sephiroth ... and there were still others, those who not only wanted to be like him, but wanted ... well, something much more. Zack closed his eyes, pressing the elevator call button softly.   
  
Sickening thoughts began to rise in his mind, and the black haired soldier held his eyes shut, trying to cancel them out as best he could. Guilt of some kind, a small sense of awkwardness ... it wasn't good, and Zack didn't want to think about it.   
  
And now, just more to dig out, more to try and reach within the small blond recruit. He was /just/ like Sephiroth, in so many ways. And that thought alone was reason enough for the SOLDIER to let his head fall to the cool metal doors, listening to the light hum of the elevator moving to his floor. He did not want another one. God help him, he did /not/ want another one.   
  
He would find out, eventually, all that there was to know about Cloud. He had to, he had to somehow help him, somehow get him to open up. He didn't have the outlets that Sephiroth had, he had no way to release everything he held inside. Getting him to strike him, /that/ had been sheer Zack-brilliance.   
  
But there was still so much more, not just the emotions, but everything else he kept to himself. Zack sighed as the elevator doors opened, an empty car somewhat comforting. God, there were almost too many questions, and Zack knew he wouldn't like any of the answers.   
  
  
------------------------------------------------------------- 


	4. Chapter 4

Forgotten Daze  
FF7 Fan Fiction  
  
Chapter 4  
  
  
-------------------------------------------------------------   
  
  
/No!/   
  
--!   
  
And as quickly as it came, it was gone. Cloud could feel the sweat on the back of his neck, the way his hair had been padded down by it, the suffocating heat suddenly upon him as his eyes focused on the whiteness around him.   
  
He wasn't in Nibleheim. This wasn't ... his home. He could hear the beating of his own heart through the mattress, shivering from the exposure of his back and neck, fearing what the dream had shown. His breath was fast, and he rolled onto his back as quickly as he could, protecting himself from behind, his hand to his chest as he tried to contain his heart, his eyes wide and unfocused on the ceiling.   
  
It was a dream-- it had to be. His thoughts began to focus along with his sight, the new surroundings clicking into place as his breath evened out. The first time he had ever woken up in his new home. Cloud let his muscles relax, his eyes shutting slightly. He was used to the dreams, it was just a matter of letting himself slowly return to reality.   
  
The world returned, as it always did, and Cloud could hear low talk in the other room, behind the closed door. The bedroom was silent, and Cloud knew the other occupant was gone. It was morning, the room bright enough even behind closed blinds to signify that. The low murmurs were slightly comforting, the idea that there were others so close completely reassuring.   
  
Cloud frowned, suddenly. How had he gotten to his bed? He had unpacked, and Zack had come. They left together to train, and ... oh god, they had fought. Cloud cringed, rolling onto his side as he tried to block the thoughts, embarrassed to himself. He hit the other man, and had then wrestled for superiority. It was an impossible fight ... and he ...   
  
The memory returned, and Cloud groaned out loud, burying his face into his sheets in attempt to hide. Sephiroth.   
  
/"Come this spring ... I'm leaving this town for Midgar."/ Tifa had looked to him, her face soft in the moonlight.   
  
/" ... All the boys are leaving our town."/ She turned, her eyes on the ground. Cloud had hardly noticed.   
  
/"But I'm different from all of them. I'm not just going to find a job. I want to join SOLDIER. I'm going to be the best there is, just like Sephiroth."/   
  
Tifa had turned then, examined him slightly before looking back, thoughts on her mind that Cloud hadn't bothered to even try and guess at. /"Sephiroth ... the great Sephiroth ... "/   
  
Cloud stared into the nearby screen, his entire mind conflicted. He could barely handle memories of the night before, how was he expected to handle memories of his home? But ... he had meant it. What he told her that night, it was true. He had never told her the reasons that involved /her/ ... Just like he wouldn't tell any member of Shinra the reasons that involved Sephiroth.   
  
He nearly cringed again, suddenly feeling as though he had two separate lives. Who was he, then, really? Was he still the scared little boy who was powerless to help the one person he wanted to protect? Was he still the timid, silent child that felt he deserved the blame for everything? Or was he this seemingly new Cloud ... the boy that had joined Shinra to follow his dream and become like the infamous, god-like figure he had worshipped from afar? Hell, or was he just the pain in the ass recruit that went around punching other SOLDIERs, and wrestling with them on the floor?   
  
Whatever he was, whichever persona he chose to inhibit once he worked up the motivation to step out of his bed, he hated them all. All the Clouds that existed ... the blond furrowed his brow, resting it against his fisted hand. He still felt as though none of them were the true Cloud. Of course, he didn't know who that was, he had lived too long as something else to even be sure. But he knew there was someone there ... there had to be. If he was truly any of those personalities deep down, then how could he separate them from each other? How could he play the omnipotent being that watched all the people he portrayed as they played out their lives? There had to be another Cloud.   
  
Introspection, Cloud thought, his gaze placid as his emotions gradually faded, was a horrible skill. He let his thoughts be silenced ... at least about all internal dealings. There was nothing he could do about the one prevailing thought in his mind. Zack.   
  
What had happened? He vaguely remember the wave of nausea that overtook him when he realized just how close he was to ... well ... /him,/ so had he passed out? If he had, then did that mean that Zack had brought him back to his apartment?   
  
No, why would he? Although ... he had made it painfully clear that he wanted to "help" the poor boy, but after their brief power struggle, Cloud wasn't sure how badly the other man would want to do anything remotely close to him ever again. Maybe he had just left him there, on the ground. Some clueless official could have spotted him and used his ID to take him back home.   
  
It wouldn't have surprised him in the least. So, what new self-hating thoughts could he come up with? What new adjective could he pin on himself? He was tired. Tired of himself.   
  
Cloud let his legs slowly swing over the side of his bed, pulling his head up as best he could. His body was weak from the long sleep, and he could feel a low pounding in the back of his head, a heat induced headache not far from springing up.   
  
The voices outside the room seemed unfamiliar, but Cloud was fairly sure they weren't any threat to him. If they were some sort of Shinra officers here to kick him out, they would have already been at his bedside. None of them were Zack, either, and Cloud couldn't help but sigh from relief, glad that he wouldn't have to face Zack so soon after ... well, whatever it was that had happened.   
  
He stood slowly, ruffling his sweat soaked hair into it's usual shape, and moved for the door, craving water like nothing before. His dreams always did a bit to take it out of him, and his current insatiable thirst outweighed his desire to stay out of sight.   
  
The door opened silently enough, exposing three young recruits in his small living room. Kail sat on the floor, facing him, while his two friends stretched themselves out comfortably on the small love seat.   
  
"Oh, hey, you're up?" Kail asked, looking over to Cloud. The blond nodded slightly, still rubbing the side of his pillow-creased face.   
  
The blond made his way into the kitchen, digging violently for a glass, and filling it up as quickly as he could. He heard Kail murmur something, and turned back.   
  
Kail grinned when he met Cloud's gaze, and quickly turned back to his friends. "He fainted yesterday," he said. Cloud felt his stomach drop as he swallowed the last bit of water. Oh god, he knew? He knew what a pathetic excuse he was, fainting at the sight of his hero?   
  
Cloud turned, setting the glass down, ready to go back into his room. He had a brief dilemma with himself, realizing there was nowhere to hide once he went back in. Kail's friends murmured to themselves, and Cloud knew escaping them was inevitable. It wasn't as though a person could spend time around the blond and not come to the same conclusion eventually. Pathetic.   
  
"Yeah," Kail readjusted himself on the floor, "He was with Zack. You know, /Zack./ They were /fighting./"   
  
"Fighting?" One of the boys looked to Cloud. "Jesus! You don't look hurt at all!"   
  
Cloud returned the boys gaze, completely baffled. "... huh?"   
  
"Yesterday, remember?" Kail grinned, watching Cloud. "You and Zack left to go train. He brought you back a little while after, saying that you had blacked-out after fighting with him."   
  
Cloud stood still.   
  
"Wow, I always thought if I had the chance to spar with a real SOLDIER I'd never make it back to talk about it,"   
  
"Yeah, and a First Class one, at that."   
  
"So why were you fighting?"   
  
The blond watched the three boys, still not quite sure what had happened. "Well ... he ... " Cloud suddenly felt something. What if he just told the truth? "He's helping to train me." Three sets of eyes widened. Cloud almost smiled. "But, well, we were walking and ... he made me mad, so ... I hit him. And then we fought."   
  
The room fell silent. The smaller of Kail's friends was the first to speak up. "You /hit/ him?"   
  
Cloud nodded. They began talking at once, each exchanging their own Zack stories. The blond watched for a moment, seemingly forgotten in an instant. Well. He had forgotten the perks of knowing someone higher up, perhaps things weren't as bad as he had expected.   
  
  
--------------------------------   
  
  
The emotion was familiar. There would always be certain things that couldn't be helped, certain aspects of his life that would always haunt him. His breath left him in a flash as he hit the ground, sliding on the smooth floor, a horrible squeal of bare skin on tile. Both sides of his face were in flames now, one from the hit, the other from his skid. He stopped just short of the wall, his body horribly twisted from the land.   
  
Aiden stood above him, his eyes ablaze. "Say that again."   
  
Cloud forced himself not to whimper slightly as he pushed himself up on the arm he had landed on. He looked to the redhead, attempting a sneer through half a numb face. "You're a /fuck,/" the blond spat, a bit of blood in his mouth. Aiden's expression remained as constant as it had when he first said it, although it wasn't what had gotten him hit.   
  
"I'll turn you in," the redhead said quietly, his hands hanging nonchalantly to his side. Funny, Cloud thought, when he had hit Zack, his hand had nearly broken. Aiden's hit had apparently not even left the smallest mark of a reminder on the redhead's fist.   
  
"For what?" Cloud bent his legs, trying to pull them under himself to sit up. Aiden stepped forward, pulling the boy up to meet his eyes.   
  
"You didn't fucking make it into Shinra," He whispered, despite the empty hallway. Cloud stared back into the other's own eyes, unafraid. "That fucking SOLDIER did it, didn't he? I could turn you both in, get you both kicked out."   
  
"You don't even know what you're talking about anymore," Cloud managed to say, the blood from his split lip and the minor shake from the whole incident making his voice slightly uneven.   
  
Aiden's grip tightened on the boy's shoulders. "Don't fuck with me," he said, not for the first time. Cloud smiled.   
  
The second blow, Cloud realized, could have been avoided. The blond slumped to the ground again, the world spinning. Jesus, had he hit him in the temple? Couldn't you /die/ from that?   
  
"You never know when to stop, do you, Strife?"   
  
Cloud's world continued to shake, his eyes unable to focus through the ringing in his head. The pain was nothing, not when he could hide it. The boy tried to laugh, tried to do anything to show that the redhead's efforts were in vain. Of course, his constant dismissals of Aiden's threats were what had gotten him in trouble every time, but the blond just couldn't help himself.   
  
"You don't have a fucking clue," Aiden mumbled, turning from the blond. Cloud tried to focus on his figure, sneering as he walked away.   
  
The boy disappeared around the corner, but Cloud's glare refused to die. The blond kept one hand to the side of his face as he stood, grasping at the wall behind him for support. At least now he knew where Aiden stayed. He would be sure to avoid this hallway in the future.   
  
  
--------------------------------   
  
  
Cloud moved the pack of ice along the side of his face, shivering from the cold and from the sickening feeling as the bag moved over the large welts. He heard the door open in the other room, but felt no motivation to close the one to the bathroom.   
  
"Hello?" Zack's voice rang out through the apartment, already far too familiar to Cloud. The blond yelled back an answer, knowing Zack would come in regardless. At least if he knew he was there he might not--   
  
"What the hell happened to you?" Zack asked, his head already in the bathroom. Cloud jumped. How had he moved so fast?   
  
"Jesus!" Cloud stood from his seat on the bathtub's side, moving to shut the door in the other man's face.   
  
"What?" Zack put his foot in the door, watching Cloud with humor. "You know I have no shame. Besides, you're fully clothed."   
  
"That's not the point," Cloud mumbled, his voice distorted through the bruises. Zack refused to move, and Cloud knew there was no point in trying to fight. He sighed, returning to his seat, the pack of ice never moving from his face.   
  
"So what happened?" The dark haired man asked, walking into the small room.   
  
"Fight," Cloud said quietly, cringing as he moved the ice up his face. Zack watched him with interest.   
  
"Fight fight? Or training fight?" Suddenly his eyes went wide. "Wait, I didn't do that, did I?"   
  
Cloud looked up to him, shaking his head. Zack grinned. "No, a ... just a regular fight."   
  
"With who?"   
  
The blond glared to the other man. "No one you'd know," he said softly.   
  
"You never know, what's his name?"   
  
The ice pack fell to Cloud's side as he sighed in exasperation. "What are you, my mother?"   
  
Zack watched the blond for a moment, giving the question true thought.   
  
"Aiden," Cloud said, before Zack could make any sort of comment. "He's ... he was the guy, at the prelims."   
  
Zack nodded. "Oh yeah. Red hair? Shaggy? Kind of demonic looking? I remember him." He looked around the bathroom, the two men silent for a moment. Cloud knew the next question, he also knew that Zack knew. He was just trying to give it enough time. "So," Zack spoke up again, his gaze settling back on Cloud's bruises, "why'd you two fight?"   
  
Cloud shrugged, taking the pack from his face and examining the melting ice inside. "I was thinking of going into the city, but we ran into each other, and ... well, he's not too fond of me," The blond was unsure of how much he should tell the other man. "but I suppose I do my part to rile him, too."   
  
"I can see how you might have a slight talent in that," Zack said, smiling. Cloud only glared. "He's had it out for you for awhile, hasn't he?"   
  
Cloud nodded, the ice returning to his swollen face. Zack moved to the counter across from the boy, pushing himself back until his legs dangled over the side. The blond suddenly felt a surge of emotions, and for reasons he failed to grasp, he felt as his apathetic exterior melted away to a horrific blush. He turned to the door, his eyes adverted as best as possible. Sitting in a bathroom in complete silence, talking about himself with someone else ... it wasn't entirely familiar.   
  
"You all right?" Zack asked suddenly, obviously aware of Cloud's color. The blond nodded, not bothering to turn. Things were /far/ to awkward, he needed this to end.   
  
"Are you just going to stay in here all day?" He asked softly. He saw Zack shift slightly out of the corner of his eye.   
  
"I assumed we'd try to go train again today. Maybe we could make it to the room this time."   
  
Cloud turned back slightly, already well aware of the massive grin Zack was shooting towards him. What exactly is it that drives friendly people on? Plain ignorance?   
  
"Official training begins tomorrow," Cloud said, hoping he could take another route to get out of Zack's plans. "It'd be kind of pointless for you to help me when I'm already going to be working six hours a day or so. And when I'm not training, I have to go where they tell me to."   
  
"Mmhmm," Zack examined the sink to his side, uninterested in what Cloud said. "You think six hours of training twice a week is enough?"   
  
The blond turned fully this time, watching the other with slight surprise. "Well ... yeah."   
  
"Well," Zack said, laughing slightly, "that's just too bad, isn't it? 'Cause you're going to be doing a lot more."   
  
Cloud remained expressionless, not willing to give the other man the satisfaction of any sort of response.   
  
"I was thinking about just nursing my wounds for tonight," he said finally, Zack not showing any signs that he was going to leave.   
  
"Those are hardly wounds," He answered earnestly. "Besides, you're not going to train with your face now, are you?"   
  
The blond furrowed his brow, staring at Zack to see if he was truly serious. The black haired man grinned, and Cloud sighed, releasing his will to fate. After all, it seemed to have a fairly well-set plan.   
  
  
--------------------------------   
  
  
It had been only been three days of training by the time Cloud decided to accept a few things. Training was training, after all, and if someone like Zack wanted to make him stronger, help him towards his goal, then he should let him do that, right? That, and the soldier seemed to have a fairly decent supply of money, and was more than willing to spend it on various vended products, Cloud's entire life apparently now supplied in a dark, humming machine in the back corners of Shinra.   
  
"Then there was this intern, I think her name was Jennifer," Zack stared out the nearby window, resting against the wall. Cloud looked to him with distaste.   
  
"You /think./"   
  
Zack turned. "Well, yeah, I mean nothing ever happened, she just had this thing for me. I was already with ... oh, god, who was it then?"   
  
Cloud scowled, taking another swig from the can in his hands. How on earth had they ended up on this subject?   
  
"Karleen? Yeah, I think it was her." Zack continued to murmur to himself, going over his long list of relationships in his mind, and filling Cloud in on the random uttered details.   
  
Cloud set down the half empty can, doing his best to rid his mouth of the atrocious taste. Coffee was never his thing, and when it came in a can, it could only be worse. "So," Cloud kept his gaze forward, completely worn from a day of constant activity, his demeanor placid as he rested. He blamed that for why he actually encouraged the conversation. "You've never had a relationship that lasted more than a matter of weeks, is that it?"   
  
Zack turned sharply, his brow furrowed. "I never said that." He looked back to the window, Midgar's horizon surprisingly unattractive. "Before I joined here there was this girl, we were together for a bit. I suppose it was fairly serious."   
  
The blond nodded, not entirely interested. The man was a whore, plain and simple. Whatever temp that had walked by them, triggering the conversation was nothing more than a simple check in a long list of names.   
  
"Yeah," Zack continued, hugging his knees to his chest. "But then I came here. She knew it would be hard to see each other. Besides, I'm sure she's found someone new by now, anyway."   
  
Cloud nodded, staring off into the distance. What of his own relationships? Or ... lack thereof, really. Not the easiest thing to discuss, and the blond already knew the next question out of Zack's mouth.   
  
"So what about you?"   
  
The blond remained silent, the question already asked to himself. Zack let him sit, and finally he shook his head. "No." Cloud looked to the floor absentmindedly. For some reason he didn't seem to mind telling the other man anything. Maybe because the worst he could do would be to poke fun at him until the day he died, and by the looks of it, he'd be doing that regardless. "I'm not one for relationships in general, especially not romantic."   
  
"Get out," Zack said, standing up. "You? Anti-social? Come on."   
  
Cloud shook his head slightly, glad that nothing else had come of his slight explanation. The dark haired man turned, walking around the small lounge. Cloud felt a small smile begin to creep up on him. He turned his gaze up, watching Zack's silhouetted figure against the large window.   
  
Zack stood in silence for a moment before turning back to Cloud, a question already on his lips. Instead, the man noticed the emotion on the blond's face, and stopped, watching in questioning silence. Cloud's grin only grew.   
  
"You're a slut." He said quietly. Zack's eyes narrowed as he examined Cloud. An expression then took him over that the blond couldn't identify.   
  
"I'm not a slut." He said finally, after a brief internal deliberation.   
  
Cloud continued to meet his eyes, sitting in silence, and Zack finally scowled, looking away from the accusation.   
  
"I'm /not./ I'm nice to people, and if certain things happen it doesn't bother me. It's not like I don't care about them, I'm just too young for anything long term."   
  
"So you just go around and ... " Cloud trailed off slightly, his arm moving slowly through the air as he tried to pin down what he needed to say, "get with everyone you can, because you don't have any stigmas on certain relationships?"   
  
Zack threw his arms up as he looked back to Cloud. "It's supposed to be what a 'healthy outlook on relationships' is! But no! Because it's me, I'm just a whore!"   
  
The blond looked to his hands curled in his lap, trying not to let Zack see his amusement. "Call it what you want, if it makes you feel better ... "   
  
"Since when do you know so much about me?" Zack asked, pointing angrily at the blond.   
  
"I thought that was my line," He replied, quietly.   
  
"Don't get smart with me," Zack growled. Cloud shrugged slightly.   
  
A nearby intern suddenly appeared in the room, absorbed in the files she was carrying. Cloud examined her, and the expression on Zack's face. The black haired man turned to Cloud, noticing the condemning look on his face, both men quite aware that Zack had a history with her, too.   
  
"God dammit!" Zack yelled, pounding his fists downwards. Cloud put a hand to his face to hide the emotion as the intern looked to both of them, trying hard not to stop her steady pace, avoiding meeting Zack's eyes. "I am /not/ a /whore!/" He yelled, glaring at the blond. The woman stopped suddenly on the other side of the room, Zack's declaration obviously a bit unnerving. The dark haired man looked to her, and she turned quickly, walking out of the room.   
  
The young recruit played with his can of coffee, rolling it on it's edges as he watched Zack pace the floor. The dark haired man continued to mutter to himself, the blond occasionally picking up random words and curses, most along the lines of "slut," and "not a," and "little blond prick."   
  
Cloud smiled softly to himself, his head falling back against the wall as he watched the silent evening horizon out the windows, a dark haired shadow occasionally walking by, murmuring words to himself and casting glares back at him. For once, things seemed relatively complacent, and even the atrocious odor of canned coffee that seemed embedded in Cloud's uniform couldn't break that.   
  
  
--------------------------------   
  
  
Cloud stumbled in the door, his right shoulder aching and his leg sending spasms of pain through his entire body every step he took. The blond shut the door behind him quietly, praying silently to god that Zack would give him a day off for once.   
  
"You're back early," Kail said, standing in the small kitchen, his hands in the sink. Cloud looked to him, limping slightly as he walked to the counter.   
  
"Yeah, Zack had an important meeting, " Slowly the blond propped himself on a stool, leaning against the plastic bar counter, the only thing remotely close to a table they had. Kail nodded, still a bit too uninvolved in Cloud's affairs to show true interest.   
  
He had barely spent any time in his new home the first few weeks of his time with Shinra. Zack had him up at the crack of dawn, in a small training room hidden somewhere in the corner of Shinra. He'd train there until he had to go where he was assigned; guard duty on one of the higher levels, escorting random officials to their destination, standing around crowded rooms to make the inhabitants as uncomfortable and nervous as they could be, whatever Shinra decided he was most apt for.   
  
Then of course there were the days Shinra had set aside for training. Cloud loved those. Waking up early, training with a madman, then spending 6 hours with another, only to be re-found by the first madman and sentenced to a total of something around 16 hours of nonstop work. At least when he had guard duty he could let himself relax slightly, granted his partner didn't catch on to his plan, and report him to their superior officer for sleeping on the job.   
  
After every day of work or training, Zack would be right on his heels, following the boy to the mess hall for dinner, making sure he ate enough to ruin any sort of excuse Cloud could throw at him about not having enough energy left to fight.   
  
If the blond was lucky, he could crawl his way back to his apartment by eleven. Of course he was most frequently late, as the two would spend the last few hours of the day arguing the most insignificant of things. Mainly why Zack didn't seem to have a life, why Cloud was such a prick, or why either of them even bothered.   
  
The better days didn't happen too often, but Cloud couldn't deny that they did. It was the kind of moment that was so completely inexplicable that the blond still couldn't fully understand why it had happened. Things like it had happened so rarely to him in the first place, having them occur so randomly didn't give him enough time to really study it.   
  
Usually it started with a failed argument, both of them either too bored with yelling insults at each other or too frustrated that the other was so hard-headed that the situation somehow turned ... well, entertaining.   
  
Cloud let his chin fall heavily into his hands as he leaned forward on the countertop. The night's events were odd. He felt guilty, somehow. Actually, he bordered very close on something he knew had to have been happiness, or at least extended amusement, but that in and of itself was probably what racked him with guilt.   
  
They had argued, again, the same thing that they brought up every night. The blond thought hard to remember exactly what had happened, but knew he couldn't recall it. He had meant to say something, call the other man some sort of name, but it had come out ... wrong. Really wrong.   
  
Zack had stopped completely, watching him with confusion. Cloud returned the stare, questioning what had been said. Finally the dark haired man's sword fell to the ground, it's deafening clatter overshadowed by it's owners own laugher as he tried to ask Cloud what in the hell he had just said.   
  
Cloud tried to repeat it, but couldn't, his own laughter suddenly swelling up to the point of absurdity, his breath completely taken by it. The harder he tried to talk, the worse it was; the simple act of trying to remember it only made his laughter come harder. Cloud let it take him over, as he knew he couldn't control it, doubling over and covering his face as Zack tried to talk as well, both of them quite well on the verge of tears.   
  
The blond watched as Kail put away the few glasses they owned, realizing solemnly that he really couldn't remember ... god, could he even say with any shred of honesty that he had laughed like that had at one point in his life?   
  
It seemed so pathetic. He was guilty of something. He couldn't name it, but he knew it was there.   
  
"Well I'm going to bed," Kail said, the last of the glasses put away. Cloud looked up, reminded of a world outside his own mind. The large man turned, heading for the bedroom. The blond had been around so rarely, it was no surprise the two roommates had nothing along the lines of a relationship.   
  
Cloud almost laughed. As if his being there would have made it any more real. At least his constant work kept him out of the apartment, letting Kail live his own normal life, never having to worry about the silent figure that lived somewhere in the back room. The blond felt his head droop again, too tired to support it any longer. He pried his eyes from the wall he had been staring through, looking around slowly before standing and entering the room himself.   
  
The two men silently went to their own sides. Cloud sat on the edge of his bed, his body aching for rest, and his mind begging for a resolution.   
  
Why couldn't he just ... accept things? What would happen if he gave in? What would happen if he decided to let the world do what it wanted? It always seemed to get it's way in the end, perhaps he could just do his part to speed it up.   
  
Zack wanted to help him reach his goal. For whatever reasons he may have had, he was helping him. Cloud surged for a moment as a thought came to him. He /could/ simply use the help as long as he was willing to give it, then if whatever motives he truly harbored surfaced, it wouldn't matter. He would still have all the time he had spent, and everything he had improved on.   
  
He grimaced slightly, realizing what he was doing. Changing a situation so that there was no way he could get hurt. Pathetic, pathetic ...   
  
He had to let someone in. God help him, he did. It wasn't as though he had even placed his emotions out on a ledge ever before. Everything that had happened to him was independent of himself. He hadn't shown anyone that had hurt him his true side, everything that occurred was completely beyond his ability to ever control.   
  
The truth was, he never shown his real side to anyone. No one knew who he really was. There was no way he could know of any true rejection or betrayal, he had never let anyone reach him far enough to do so.   
  
So, what then? Let himself open up? Let himself act human? It still seemed pathetic, to have to make such a deliberation over whether or not to let someone really know him ... but then again, had there even been anyone before that had /wanted/ to know him?   
  
Maybe the truth was that he just didn't know how to go about it. He had never been of any interest to anyone, and now that he had been singled out, it seemed as though changing his own stead-fast rules was inevitable.   
  
God. He let himself fall onto his back, the mattress squeaking as he bounced slightly. The single table lamp next to him set the room in a soft comforting glow, and Cloud let himself drift off slightly, the pain dealt to him by the day's activities suddenly insignificant to the desire to sleep. He knew there was anxiety somewhere, his own inhibitions and fear surfacing as he tried to decide how to continue to act, but that too was silenced.   
  
Slowly he turned, clicking the nearby lamp off, and fell back to his spot. Whatever had to come could come, at that moment, there was nothing but himself falling into the darkness, letting his own world of comfort take him.   
  
  
------------------------------------------------------------- 


	5. Chapter 5

Forgotten Daze  
FF7 Fan Fiction  
  
Chapter 5  
  
  
-------------------------------------------------------------  
  
  
"God dammit!" Cloud cried, hopping away on one foot as he held his arm to his chest.   
  
"Well stay out of the way, then!" Zack called after, scowling and letting the tip of his weapon fall to the ground. "A key method to fighting is learning not to stand in your enemy's weapon's path!"   
  
"Well maybe you shouldn't use a real fucking sword!" Cloud yelled, his cut forearm in his mouth as he tried to ease the pain.   
  
"What do you want me to use, then? A rubber one?"   
  
"Why do you even /use/ a sword?!" There was a bit of blood on the blond's lips now, his vampiric stance slightly humorous, although Zack was far more irritated than he was amused. "Jesus, you know they did invent this thing called a /gun./"   
  
Zack mumbled a curse to himself, picking his large sword off the ground again. "Guns are for shitty soldiers," he said quietly, hoping that Cloud did hear. "Besides!" His voice picked up, "Can you defend yourself against a sword blow with just a stupid fucking machine gun?!"   
  
"No," Cloud turned, his unhurt arm grasping the other tightly, "but I could pump a good five rounds into your head before you reached me."   
  
"Would you rather me have /shot/ you?" Zack asked.   
  
"You could teach me /hand to hand/ fighting, you know!"   
  
Zack made a low, unappreciative noise, brushing the comment off with one hand. "What do you know, anyway." The black haired man turned, walking from the room. Their time was done. Cloud continued to mutter to himself, following after, his arm still squeezed tightly by the other.   
  
"I suppose you'll want a bandage," Zack said after a bit, leading the blond into a small locker room. Cloud made no attempt to reply, but Zack began his forage into the medical bin regardless. He heard the other move across the room, sitting down on a bench. "Bloody Shinra ... " Zack dug deeper into the small container, silently praying that he wouldn't accidentally prick himself with some pre-used hypodermic needle.   
  
The locker room was empty and silent, save for the soft clutter of Zack's work, and the occasional ruffle as Cloud changed behind him. The dark haired soldier's hands brushed against what he wanted, and he stood, looking over his shoulder to a shirtless Cloud.   
  
"Here," Zack said, tossing a roll of gauze to the blond. He caught it easily, turning around to bandage himself.   
  
Zack looked around the room silently, aware suddenly that he had managed to work up a sweat during their routine. It had been perhaps the very first time Cloud had managed to keep up with him. The blond seemed to have had an unusual amount of pent-up aggression.   
  
Settling down onto a nearby bench, Zack stretched his legs away from him, staring through Cloud as his muscles relaxed.   
  
"You know, you're not too bad," He said randomly, his thoughts freeing themselves as he drifted off. The blond finished his job, turning back to a small locker to retrieve a clean shirt. He made a soft noise of inquisition, but Zack knew he wasn't paying attention. "You've got potential, I mean."   
  
Cloud pulled an oversized t-shirt over his head, his spikes emerging untouched. He turned to Zack as he pulled it down, slight curiosity in his eyes. "Potential?" He repeated, almost smiling.   
  
"Yeah," Zack let his head fall back against the metal doors, "I mean, if you worked on your confidence a bit more."   
  
The blond scowled as he sat, reaching for his boots. "You're not going to tell me that if I believe in myself, anything is possible, are you?"   
  
"Oh, by no means!" Zack grinned. "But don't underestimate a soldier who'll rush into battle despite the odds."   
  
"You're telling me to be a headstrong idiot, then? I was wondering when you'd start trying to mold me into another you."   
  
This time Zack scowled, sitting up straight. "I'm serious, Spike. You could do really well here. You just need confidence."   
  
"Just confidence?" Cloud asked, his voice full of cynicism. Zack shrugged slightly.   
  
"Well, that and better footwork. And timing. And a better stance. And quicker reflexes."   
  
Cloud stopped, one shoe on, looking to Zack. "But other than that."   
  
"Yeah. See, this is what I mean. You don't even believe that I think you have talent."   
  
The blond fell silent as he finished dressing, standing once he was done. Zack remained in his place, his eyes unfocused as he gazed downward.   
  
"Why did you call me Spike?"   
  
"Huh?" Zack looked to him, obviously having forgotten he had even said it. Cloud stood still, looking back to him with interest. "Oh, you know, 'cause of your hair."   
  
Cloud furrowed his brow, watching Zack closely. "/My/ hair?"   
  
Zack watched him for a moment, not fully understanding. Finally Cloud sighed, unconsciously running and hand through his own set of spikes.   
  
"I think you're the worse offender here," the blond said, his eyes closed. Comprehension dawned on the SOLDIER.   
  
"Hey!" He said, finally understanding it enough to feign being hurt. "You think I can help it? That thing's got a mind of it's own!" He pointed to his head. A faint smile began to creep up on Cloud, and Zack felt himself grin as well.   
  
He had nearly forgotten the new experience: Cloud could smile. When it had happened at first, the black haired soldier had thought it a fluke. There was no way someone so focused on appearing uninterested and unattached could let themselves slip so easily. But then it happened again, and again, and even again, until such things seemed almost /normal./   
  
It was incredibly amazing, and a feeling of guilt began to take Zack over the longer he was around him. Making Cloud smile or laugh did more for him than anything else, and the sickening accusation that the only reason he did it was to make /himself/ happy had to be constantly pushed aside in his mind.   
  
"Where is everyone, anyway?" Cloud asked, drawing Zack from his thoughts. He shrugged, standing up as well.   
  
"Who knows. I suppose out carousing. It /is/ Friday night after all."   
  
Cloud fell silent and Zack took the lead, their typical destination in mind. He hadn't bothered to change, he may have finally gotten a slight workout, but it was nothing that required new clothes, at least, nothing like the sweat-soaked blond behind him. Zack could hear Cloud behind him, doing his best to remain silent, though Zack's artificially high-tuned senses were quite aware of his slight breathing, and the hesitance that hung around him.   
  
"Something on your mind?" He asked finally, coming up to a small balcony overlooking a large, plush Shinra waiting room. Cloud made a small noise as he attempted to speak, but silenced himself. Zack turned, taking in Cloud's meek stance, one arm holding the other as it hung to his side like a child. "Spike?"   
  
Cloud's expression changed instantly, his timid curiosity quickly flaming into all-too-familiar irritation. "Don't call me that," He said flatly. Zack only grinned. Cloud groaned, putting a hand to his forehead as he realized his fatal mistake. Any utterance that Zack's annoyance had succeeded was guaranteed to keep him doing it as long as humanly possible.   
  
"But really," Zack said, trying to get back to Cloud's original emotion, "what's wrong?" Again the blond's expression changed, his eyes turned away as quickly as the question had come. He shrugged, attempting a smile. "Nothing, forget it."   
  
"No." Zack stepped closer, causing the blond to mirror the movement, stepping back quickly. Zack rolled his eyes, tired of having to break down the walls on his own. "Tell me or I'm not buying you dinner."   
  
Cloud's eyes narrowed even as he continued to back away from Zack's approaching figure. "You already said you weren't going to. Remember? I tripped you when you were trying to--"   
  
"I know what I said!" Zack sighed out of frustration. "Well now I'm really not going to! Tell me!"   
  
"It's nothing, really!" Cloud held his hands up in defense. "I just, well, it's like you said, you know? It's Friday and most people are out having fun." The dark haired soldier stopped his approach, and Cloud finally straightened up. "I was just wondering why, you know, you weren't out too."   
  
Zack scoffed suddenly. "Aren't we out right now?" Cloud looked around the empty hallway. "Come on, I'm tired of packaged food. How about we actually go somewhere?" Cloud looked to Zack, who, surprisingly enough, was already engrossed in a face-splitting grin. "Like you said, it's Friday! We should enjoy our weekend."   
  
" ... Aren't you--"   
  
"Yes," Zack beat Cloud to his line, staring up at the ceiling in mild frustration. "Yes I am going somewhere tomorrow for Shinra, I don't care, it doesn't make what I said any less valid. Now come on!"   
  
Zack grabbed the blond by his arm, Cloud's eyes going wide as he was suddenly tugged along. Despite the near /month/ of what Zack assumed could have passed for a friendship in /some/ sort of culture, Cloud still could barely handle confrontation, flustering at the drop of a hat.   
  
"W-what are you doing?" He asked, caught in an internal conflict. Zack could feel as he attempted to pull against his grip, but still struggled to keep up.   
  
"I'm dragging you along," Zack answered, looking forward. Cloud squirmed behind him, another inaudible battle raging that only Zack picked up on.   
  
"Why?"   
  
"Because I'm hungry as hell, I have money that's burning a hole in my pocket, and you're just about the only person I don't mind spending it on right now."   
  
Cloud made a dramatic decision to stop in his tracks. Zack sighed, realizing he'd have to comply for once. He turned to face another angrily confused expression, such a thing failing to surprise him anymore, as Cloud seemed quite capable of merging such emotions. "You want to go somewhere other than a vending machine for once?" he asked. Zack nodded. "Because for once you have money, even though being a SOLDIER first class pays a mind boggling amount?" Zack nodded again. "Why in the hell haven't you offered an actual restaurant ever before?"   
  
Zack looked around. "Well ... cause ... Look, do you want to come or not? 'Cause I don't have to keep forcing you along, you know!"   
  
The blond looked to the side, for once consciously chastising himself for smiling at the comment. Zack only sighed, grabbing his arm once more and pulling him along.   
  
  
--------------------------------   
  
  
The restaurant was bathed in a soft golden light, the low conversations and occasional titters of the patrons basking the entire room in a sense of decadence and luxury. All of which seemed to only pinpoint the fact that Cloud now sat at a center table, a giant oversized white t-shirt and baggy pants accentuating his mud caked boots and embedded locker room stench, sitting across from a now irate, completely disheveled soldier who was doing his best to frighten the waitress enough to never look another man in the eyes.   
  
"Um, Zack?" Cloud let his fingertips rest on the edge of the table, tentatively looking to his friend to try and gain his attention.   
  
"Well I don't /fucking care/ what he says!" Zack yelled, the waitress stepping back slightly from the outburst, her black tray held up to her chest in defense. "You tell that little ass-bitch that he can fucking tell it to my face!"   
  
"Zack?" The argument had only gone on a few minutes, but apparently his patronage, as well as his outbursts, were more than common in the restaurant, as the other customers merely glanced over at the occasional obscenity, surprised by things the man could string together.   
  
"Sir, it's not my place to--"   
  
"I know what your place is! Just tell him that I'm not leaving, and if he's got a fucking problem with it he can fucking come and fucking kiss my ass in person!"   
  
The waitress turned quickly, scurrying away before Zack could get his hand any closer to the butter knife he was slowly working towards.   
  
" ... Zack?"   
  
"What?!" Blue eyes blazed as they stared down at Cloud. The blond slunk down in his seat as Zack's anger failed to diminish. Finally the dark haired man sighed, sitting down hard and slamming his elbows onto the virgin white table.   
  
"You gonna--"   
  
"God damn fucking Shinra ass bitches," He muttered, his face buried in his hands. Cloud turned, unwilling to prod the subject any further.   
  
He took to examining his surroundings again, trying to ignore the deep cusses that continued to flare from the opposite end of the table. The restaurant seemed extremely high class. Why someone like Zack would be a regular failed him. He couldn't decide if the image of Zack ordering truffle soup and a side of sherry was comical or just unsettling.   
  
"It's ... nice," Cloud said softly, avoiding Zack's eyes. The other man looked up, but Cloud continued to stare to a nearby table.   
  
"What is?" He asked, his voice still gruff.   
  
"This place ... "   
  
Zack sighed, leaning back in his seat. Cloud finally turned to him, his anger fading slightly as he rubbed his eyes. "Yeah, it's decent."   
  
"Are you sure I'm really meeting the uh, dress code?" the blond asked, fingering the cheap undershirt he was sporting.   
  
Zack nodded, breathing deeply as he let his mood return to it's neutral state. "Yeah, don't worry about it. I come here a lot so they know me. They wouldn't think of throwing a SOLDIER out anyway."   
  
Cloud stared at the table. Not all his questions were fully answered, but he didn't feel up to pushing Zack's mood. "It's uh, it's ... pretty ... fancy."   
  
The dark haired soldier looked to him, his eyes half shut in mild irritation as he picked up on the blond's true meaning. "I'm not fancy enough to come to a place like this?" he asked.   
  
"Oh, no!" Cloud's hands shot up, waving the accusation away, despite it's truth. "I just meant--"   
  
"Cloud."   
  
" ... Yeah?"   
  
"One day you're going to stop being so timid, and I'm going to have a fucking heart attack." Zack reached for his water, sipping it as he held his head up with his spare hand. "Anyway, despite it's looks, this place is pretty good. It's nice to know you there's a place you can order some escargot with a side of fries."   
  
Cloud knitted his eyebrows together as he watched Zack stare into oblivion. Perhaps Mako affected mood swings, as well. He took note, watching a nearby party with a slight lack of interest, and was completely unaware of how long it had been since Zack turned once more, watching him silently.   
  
"So what happened?" Zack asked, his voice snapping Cloud back to the table.   
  
"Huh? About what?" The question had obviously caught him off guard, but Cloud was quick to tighten in his spot, dreading whatever the other man wanted to talk about.   
  
Zack looked down, his chin still buried in his hand. "With Sephiroth?"   
  
Cloud's expression remained constant. He was sure the question should have completely demolished him, but for some reason he couldn't fully understand it. Had he done something recently involving him? "What do you mean?"   
  
"A couple weeks ago, when you freaked out."   
  
Oh yeah, that. "Oh."   
  
"I mean I'm pretty sure I know why, I just want to make sure."   
  
The reality of it was surprisingly less harsh than the blond had anticipated. Perhaps it was because things had been going so awkwardly well lately, but he merely felt a small sinking sensation deep within his chest. He'd have to face it eventually, wouldn't he?   
  
"It's not like it's anything surprising," Zack said, meeting Cloud's meek eyes. "I'm pretty sure it's the same for everyone."   
  
"What do you mean?" Cloud asked, unsure of why he encouraged the conversation. Zack shrugged, his eyebrows raised.   
  
"He's the best. He was made to be the best and he'll always be the best, everyone comes here because of him, and everyone stays here because of him." He looked around suddenly, frowning slightly. "It's not like you're any unique case, basically everyone loves him at some point."   
  
"What?!" Cloud nearly choked on his own breath, whispering the harsh word as loud as he could so as not to gain anyone else attention. His eyes darted around the room before he leaned over the table, gaping at Zack. "What are you talking about?!"   
  
Zack smiled. "It's hero worship, right? Everyone's got it."   
  
"No!" Cloud sat in shock, unable to form a coherent sentence in his mind. "It's--no! I mean--"   
  
"Oh, Jesus." Zack rolled his eyes. "Come on, you know what I'm talking about. I'm not accusing you of lusting after the man, I mean everyone basically worships him, whether they want to or not."   
  
Cloud fell silent. "Oh."   
  
Zack was busy ignoring him now, and Cloud was thankful. The sinking feeling returned, but this time the blond couldn't place why.   
  
"And he's such a bastard," Zack mumbled. "Such a stupid fucking stiff-necked manipulative emotionless pretty boy ice prince bastard."   
  
Cloud's expression finally fell, the blond staring to the table while Zack continued to mutter bitter curses toward his colleague. He wasn't sure what he had expected, but this obviously wasn't it.   
  
"Are you ready to order?" A chirpy voice perked from the side of the table. Zack looked up from his brooding, and Cloud from his silent introspection.   
  
Zack ordered something that sounded relatively foreign, and Cloud settled for one of the few things on the menu he recognized. Their table was shrouded in silence once the waitress (who, Cloud noted, was most obviously /not/ the original that Zack had managed to rip apart,) departed.   
  
Cloud knew he would never find the words to say anything, to anyone. He hadn't been able to in Nibleheim, he sure as hell wouldn't be able to in Midgar. The table seemed to fall further into silence as Cloud picked up on Zack's own emotions. The two men were now both silent, despondent about their own personal dealings.   
  
Unconsciously, the blond fingered the bandage around his arm, watching Zack's distracted figure. If the black haired soldier was down, then something was definitely wrong. Cloud shrouded his eyes, gazing down into his lap. Whatever it was, he wouldn't bother going anywhere near the subject. Being unable to deal with your own problems didn't make it any easier to deal with other's.   
  
Cloud sat in silence, waiting for their dinner, knowing how the rest of the now awkward meal would play out. At least it was free.   
  
  
--------------------------------   
  
  
It was his first real break in nearly two weeks of nonstop training. Cloud sank deeper into his bed as he shut his eyes slowly, reveling in the warmth and silence. He was physically exhausted, pushed to every limit he had by Shinra's rigorous courses, and then toppled over the edge by Zack.   
  
Despite his body's yearning for rest, his mind continued to race. He had nights like this before, nights when his thoughts were so prevalent in his mind that sleep simply wouldn't come. There had even been times when he had been so worried or anxious that even a day or more's lack of sleep couldn't lull him into the oblivion he craved.   
  
Tonight, Cloud realized, turning slowly onto his side, was going to be one of those nights. His thoughts flew from conclusion to question, worry to shame, confusion to embarrassment. It was never ending, and the inability to pin down one specific emotion only made his eyes clench tighter, groaning audibly and tossing in his bed.   
  
His roommate, the great hulking recruit that Cloud would have thought had lied about his young age, if not for the naive ignorance he seemed to simply spew every time his mouth was opened, was gone for the evening. Apparently Cloud wasn't the only one with a life. That was, if a 'life' could be considered a forced march of death by a complete buster sword wielding lunatic.   
  
The blond frowned from under the covers, angry with himself that he'd ruin what was such a rarity in his life. A night away from Zack, away from the training rooms, allowed a full night's sleep, completely alone in his apartment ... All because he couldn't figure out what in the hell he was supposed to do.   
  
/"Everyone loves him at some point,"/ Cloud dwelled on the words. Memories mixed together to form something that did nothing for the tightening sensation in his stomach.   
  
/"Sephiroth ... the Great Sephiroth ... "/   
  
Zack was wrong. How could anyone feel like he did? There were so many willing to throw their lives down for the great General, they would do anything for him, for a chance to gain recognition in his eyes. But none of it was anything more, was it?   
  
It was a silent realization he had come to over time. Idol worship. He had put emotions to a face, a personality of his own dreams and desires to a picture on the front page. He had built something that wasn't real, something that /couldn't/ be real.   
  
It would fail, inevitably, it would fail. It would crumble down as soon as he learned the truth, that the god he had constructed in his mind wasn't real. It couldn't even be possible. But still ... it was what he held on to.   
  
What could he tell Zack, though? How could he explain something to the man when it was really Cloud who had no idea? He couldn't tell Zack the truth, not unless he figured it out first.   
  
So, what then? Cloud knitted his eyebrows together, lying on his back, staring at the ceiling. He had come to Shinra to become stronger. To help people. To eliminate his weakness. His model all throughout had been one man, the man he had placed all his dreams on, the man who had exceeded humanity in his own mind.   
  
Did he want to /be/ him? Cloud's head turned, half his face buried in his pillow. No, he wanted ... he wanted ...   
  
His mother was distant. She was there for him, constantly mending his wounds, bandaging his cuts, going over his bruises. But she wasn't what he wanted. His family had always consisted of just her, what could he think of value? Family meant nothing to him, he had never had one.   
  
Tifa? The tightening increased, butterflies in his stomach as anxiety continued to rise. All the children in Nibleheim. What did he want from them? Acceptance? Somewhere to go? Someone to talk to? Someone to listen to?   
  
Embarrassment washed over him, twice as strong as he realized how pathetic it was so be so worried over his own actions, especially when they were all in his mind. He wanted them to accept him, but they never did. So he distanced himself. Made it so that /he/ was the one who didn't want anything to do with /them./ Things were easier that way.   
  
But still, he had never been able to let go of the nagging that pulled at him constantly, the want and need of someone, anyone, near him, in any sense of the meaning.   
  
So what had he done? He had created fantasy. The allure of a life in Midgar, of becoming stronger, of attaining status, of being recognized. Becoming like the great Sephiroth.   
  
Everything he had placed on the man just grew over time, his own fictional Sephiroth so enticing and perfect ... he had made what he wanted. What he couldn't find anywhere, he made.   
  
Cloud shifted in his bed quietly, the silence around him awkward. He curled up on his side, his arms wrapped around his bare chest.   
  
So it was idol worship. It was what everyone else had ... but Cloud knew somehow, what he harbored within him was something beyond what anyone else could make. The word wouldn't come to the blond as he laid there, it was too dramatic, too final ... yet he knew it was true, it couldn't be anything /but/ true. He had to admit it to himself, had to let himself accept it. Simply living his life without naming it was futile, it wouldn't solve anything.   
  
All forms of self-consciousness left him suddenly as he sighed. What would denying it do, in the end? Sephiroth was his hero, his god, his ... his idea of perfection. He would do anything for a chance ... for a chance for him to see ... that he loved him.   
  
There was a new Cloud, the hidden one deep within him he'd never let out before. It heard the words, relief swelling within him. The truth would define him in the end, and for once Cloud felt his anxiety dissipate, silent acceptance comforting him. He couldn't live as someone else any longer ... he had to be true.   
  
  
--------------------------------   
  
  
The thick sound of air parting rang through Cloud's ears as the saber swung again and again. To the left, up, down, up again, out to the right, down once more, back to his original stance. A perfect star carved into the invisible enemy. Cloud let out a ragged breath, the tip of his weapon resting on the ground as he used his free hand to quickly wipe his forehead.   
  
"Did you run?" Zack asked, walking in the quiet training room. Cloud was faced against the door, but didn't turn, lifting his sword onto his shoulder.   
  
"Yeah, before I came."   
  
"Good. I've got to be somewhere in a bit," the dark haired man said, moving to an adjacent wall and sitting down against it. "So you're on your own."   
  
Cloud nodded, his hands shaking noticeably as he lifted the weapon once more, ready to repeat his motions. He stepped forward, a deep cut in the enemy's torso, pulling it out sharply and to the side, blocking the retaliating blow with the weapon's blade, before quickly shooting it to the side once again, cutting the neck line before another offensive attack could be had.   
  
"'Could've gutted you before you even got it up past their shoulders." Zack said quietly. Cloud let the weapon fall to the ground once more, his hand aching as he continued to hold the handle tightly.   
  
"I've been here for two hours," the blond said diminutively.   
  
"If you can't keep up with yourself after only two hours, you're never going to make it."   
  
The sword clattered as it slipped out of his tired hands. Cloud placed his now free hand on his side as he looked to the ground, his eyes closing. "Where are you going?" He asked, void of any real emotion.   
  
"Meeting," Zack said, his voice equally empty. "There's an ex-SOLDIER somewhere up north. 'Been causing trouble in some town, Shinra wants to send someone to go retrieve him. They're either going to send me or Sephiroth, probably. They think he's pretty dangerous, and everyone else is gone to Junon for the month."   
  
Cloud remained still, turned away from Zack slightly. "Sephiroth, huh?" He said, more to himself than the other. Zack ignored it anyway, one leg hugged to his chest as he stared to the ground.   
  
"You know ... " Cloud let his hands fall to his side. He had to tell him. He had to do something, he had finally made a decision about his life, he couldn't go and ruin it now. The newfound Cloud wouldn't let him. "I really should ... tell you."   
  
Zack looked up at the blond, his eyebrows raised in question. Cloud watched him over his shoulder, his body never moving. Zack waited for him to continue, and cocked his head slightly when he didn't. "Tell me what?"   
  
Cloud turned away again. "You know me better than anyone else here," he said in a low tone Zack was easily able to pick up, "and ... I feel like by lying to you I'm ... lying to myself tenfold." The words surprised himself, and the blond stopped, thinking them over. It was true, wasn't it?   
  
He heard Zack stand up, his shirt rubbing against the wall softly as he moved. Maybe this real Cloud was entirely made by the other man, maybe he had nothing to do with it at all. Whatever he told Zack, whatever he did around him, that was what slowly began to define the real Cloud.   
  
The thought encouraged him. He couldn't hide his true self, what good would it do? A soft voice of dissent spoke up in his mind. The truth may be good, but who said he had to tell him? As long as he didn't lie, right? What did it even matter to the other man? Why was he pushing it upon him?   
  
Cloud shook the thought away, sighing. "Well, it's ... " Cloud continued to stare away from him, slightly more comfortable in knowing he didn't have to face the other man outright. "I don't know, I'm not sure if there's any point in telling you, but I feel like ... I should. Just ... the other night at the restaurant, when you asked about Sephiroth ... "   
  
Cloud intentionally trailed off, glancing back over his shoulder. Zack looked to him silently, his hands behind his head as he watched Cloud with an interest he tried to hide. "What about it?"   
  
"Well ... there's ... " Cloud turned back, his words suddenly failing him. Why should he bother telling him this? What would he gain? Did he even have anything to lose? Was this so-called friendship they had so important to him? "I mean you said--but, I ... "   
  
Suddenly, Zack laughed. Cloud turned quickly, meeting the other man's slightly amused eyes. "Oh come on, Spike," He said, grinning. Cloud failed to recognize the humor. "You don't give me nearly enough credit."   
  
"What do you mean?" he asked softly, fearing the slightly manic soldier.   
  
"I /mean,/" He said, placing his hands behind his back and pacing, "I know what you need to tell me, why you're afraid to tell me, and all that other stuff you've probably been pouring yourself over for god knows how long."   
  
Cloud's eyes narrowed, anxiety quickly replaced with curiosity. "What are you talking about? How do you know what I'm going to say?"   
  
Zack paused momentarily in his walk. "You said it's about Sephiroth, right?"   
  
The blond turned once more, flushing slightly.   
  
"And have you forgotten that I know you a hell of a lot better than you think?" Zack's grin was nearly audible. Cloud refused to turn. "I can read you like a book, don't try to deny it."   
  
"I somehow doubt that ... " The blond murmured. Zack laughed.   
  
"All right, let me guess, then," Zack sighed dramatically, still smiling as he paced. "You came here because you wanted to be like Sephiroth, you trained hard because you wanted to be like Sephiroth, and the more you stayed and the more you worked the more you realize just how much you /really wanted to be like Sephiroth./ But then somewhere along the way the lines between wanting to be /like him/ and be /with him/ blurred, because he is, in your mind and the mind of many others, the epitome of greatness and perfection, and now you're too embarrassed to tell me because you're afraid of what judgment I'm going to pass on you, or what I might do to ruin the reputation in Shinra you never bothered to build."   
  
Cloud fell silent, looking back Zack without emotion. "Wh--"   
  
"Seeing as how I'm right," Zack continued, his pace starting up again, "let's just agree to move on with our lives, as it really has no importance whatsoever to anything regarding either of us, and you can be confident that you told the truth and suffered no consequence from it."   
  
Again the blond was silent, thinking over the words carefully. Finally his head turned up. "All right."   
  
"Good, so anything else you need to tell me?"   
  
Cloud looked to Zack, silently drawing his own conclusion from the speech. What else could he possibly know? Nibleheim? Tifa's father? His mother? The bridge on Mt. Nibel? "No ... Not yet, anyway."   
  
Zack smiled. "All right, then, good, I'm running out of long winded speeches anyway. I've gotta get going, too, you should turn in early. No point burning yourself out when you're still in training."   
  
Cloud nodded, unable to decide if he should have returned the other man's smile. Perhaps he had just misjudged an unspoken bond between them with the black haired soldiers complete and total insanity. Zack raised one hand in a wave, walking to the door with his hands behind his head.   
  
That ... wasn't what he had expected. Cloud put a hand to his head, his trade-mark apathy suddenly taking him over as he struggled to comprehend the past few moments. Nothing came to him, and although Cloud knew he should have been grateful for the moment of blank feeling, he couldn't help but force himself back to reality, struggling to grasp what he knew he must have felt.   
  
The room was empty now, Zack's footsteps dying out in his mind. Cloud continued to stand in silence, the sound of distant voices outside the room echoing quietly around him. Was he embarrassed? Zack now knew how he felt. Relief that he had actually done it, and that Zack had taken it so gracefully? Well, with as much grace as someone like Zack could allow, anyway. Still, Cloud's mind was blank, and he made a silent vow to himself to beat the emotionally suffocating facade he had built up around him.   
  
Of course there was more than enough evidence for Zack to have come to his own conclusion /weeks/ ago. There was always the first time he had seen him, passing out in the hallway like the pathetic fan boy he seemed to be. Then there was the time in the bar, somewhere in the back alleys of Midgar. He had come in, looking for Zack. Cloud had gone to the bathroom, and watched the exchange through the crook of a door, eyes wide as he realized that -dear god- in terms of degrees of separation, he was /one bloody person away from Sephiroth./   
  
Then there was the first time he had visited Zack's apartment, waiting for the man while he searched through his belongings with manic vehemence, cursing and yelling as his uniform continued to elude his grasp. Cloud had spotted something in the midst of his clothes. It was leather. Cloud had laughed, unable to imagine Zack in any such attire. Zack had only growled, saying that Sephiroth had left it there the last time they sparred. The words struck Cloud hard, a piece of the man's /clothing/ suddenly taking precedence in his thoughts.   
  
/Then/ there was the other time they had passed him in the hall. Sephiroth hadn't even /looked/ at him, probably hadn't even noticed anyone asides from Zack, but my /god,/ Cloud could hear him /talk./ Reprimanding Zack for his earlier behavior, calling him something along the lines of a 'pathetic excuse for a SOLDIER,' but with much more grace. Even his /insults/ were like poetry.   
  
Cloud sighed, ruffling his spikes unconsciously. All the tension he had stored within him faded, suddenly confident in his actions, even in his life. Everything that had happened suddenly hit him. All at once he felt as his feelings were defined. It wasn't anxiety, it wasn't anger, it wasn't even confusion. The blond placed a hand to his head once more as it took him over, the horrific feeling drawing him to the floor as he buried his face in his hands, the sheer insanity of everything he had been through striking him harder than anything else could have. Cloud made no attempt to snuff the feeling as it continued to grow in intensity, and let himself sit on the floor, his entire body shaking. Tears threatened to stream from his eyes as he continued to choke, supporting his torso with on hand, the other covering his mouth, his laughter completely out of his control.   
  
He had no idea what was going on, in /any/ aspect of his life, but the laughter continued to pour out of him, everything that had happened since his entrance into Shinra was so completely insane, he realized the futility of his apathy, and let it all laugh himself into tears.   
  
  
--------------------------------   
  
  
So it was true. Zack sighed, letting his head rest on the wall of his apartment. He was alone for a moment, Shinra was off his back, as was Sephiroth. He had all the time he needed to think. And that, he realized, was the last thing he wanted to do. Of course he had rushed from the training room. Who knew what Cloud had thought, Zack admitting the boy's own feelings, and then leaving as quickly as he had said it.   
  
His television buzzed in the background, mindless talk and colors flashing before his unfocused eyes. No matter how many distractions he presented himself, he knew he couldn't avoid his thoughts. Not only did such revelations mean so much in his relationship with the young recruit, but it also made him resent what he had, and the fact that he had to go face the same man in only a matter of minutes.   
  
Of course everyone /loved/ him, he was their /god,/ after all, but Zack knew that for some people, it was something much more. But how could that be true? How could he even love? Cloud was analytical to a fault, couldn't he realize such idol worship was different than what he really wanted?   
  
Zack scowled, looking to the ceiling. Sephiroth was, to be quite frank, an asshole. He was undeserving of the love and adoration the many hordes of Shinra soldiers were willing to give to their golden leader. He knew quite well the man's true emotions, and how quick he was to act, how little forethought he gave anything ... he could break someone so easily, even if he would regret it later, there was no way to deny his inability to realize the consequence of the actions.   
  
It was hypocrisy, plain and simple. If someone were to hurt him, he would retaliate in the most deadly fashion. However, he would expect nothing from another if he were to hurt them. How someone so versed in military strategy, being able to foresee every single move of the enemy, could be so completely blind to such normal human emotions was beyond him.   
  
Of course, Zack realized rather solemnly, he could only be condemning his General because it helped to shift the blame from himself. Was he lying then, too? Was it even that important to Cloud? How did he know he had such an impact on him? Would it end up being what broke him in the end? Simply because he couldn't find it in himself to tell the truth? How could he--   
  
"Lieutenant?" A voice called from outside his door. Zack turned slowly, his thoughts cut off. He had hoped for a longer break before the meeting, but was also grateful to be broken from his own introspection.   
  
He stood silently, feeling uncharacteristically quiet, and walked to the door, greeting the somewhat timid soldier there to escort him with a simple, forced smile. There were more pressing matters, anyway. At least he could comfort himself with the thought.   
  
  
--------------------------------   
  
  
"And how exactly did he get a hold of all the weapons?" Sephiroth asked, his voice wet with contempt. The official looked to him, an attempt at superiority failing as the SOLDIER stared back.   
  
"Well, that would--He, well you see--"   
  
"Would it have been Shinra?" The white-haired man asked, his arms crossed against his chest. Zack grinned from behind him. For once he was happy the other man was such a jackass, it made for quite the spectacle when faced with asinine Shinra politics.   
  
"Y-Yes, yes it was Shinra who originally supplied him with weapons, but--"   
  
"And this so called 'background check,'" Sephiroth continued, reaching for a nearby paper, "failed to arouse suspicion at the man's mental competence?"   
  
"Well what happened was--"   
  
"You knew the man was unstable."   
  
"Yes-- well, no! I mean, we did /know/ but not--"   
  
"You /knew./"   
  
"Our reports labeled him as merely bipolar, it wasn't a concern to us at the time as he was fully capable of--"   
  
"Tell me then," Sephiroth closed his eyes, crossing his arms once more as Zack took the report from his hands, "why exactly would you bother with a mental examination, if it's results mean nothing to a SOLDIER's final selection?"   
  
"We have turned down applicants before because of the background check," the man continued, struggling to regain the upper hand. "This was a highly unusual case, the man was completely capable of taking care of his own mental state, and it was of no concern to us at the time, as he showed no signs of anything remotely like--"   
  
"Remotely like what?" Sephiroth asked, his eyes open again, blazing as he stared down the other man, who now, for some reason, seemed unable to speak. "The ability to take an entire town hostage with the weapons cache so generously offered to him by you?"   
  
The official shook his head, anger beginning to override his intimidation. Zack continued to leaf through the report, Sephiroth's indignation all too commonplace. "We had no way of knowing that he would lose it! He showed absolutely no outward signs of any kind of--"   
  
"Celes," Another Shinra suit said, placing a hand on the bumbling official's shoulder. The man turned, his eyes ablaze as he was interrupted yet again. "Why don't you take a break, I'll handle it from here."   
  
The first man grumbled, looking over at Sephiroth once more, before turning to leave. The second official flashed a slight smirk at the two men, one who stood at now perfect attention, his eyes glowing with condescension, and the other who was looking through a report, occasionally turning it sideways to view a picture, looking quite familiar with the action.   
  
"I must apologize for my colleague," The man's eyes were only half open as he gazed at Sephiroth, no sense of fear in his voice. "You bring up a decent point, however, Shinra is not to blame."   
  
"One of your own men took a horde of weapons to an innocent town, took it over, killed many anonymous civilians, and now holds the entire place for ransom, all because you let him slip through your filters."   
  
"I assure you, /General/," The man smirked again, and Zack saw Sephiroth straighten in his stance slightly, the smug words quickly rising his ire. "His mental state was of no importance when we let him in. Everyone has their own quirks, so to speak, but if we were to be so strict in our actions, we wouldn't have any of our soldiers. I assure you, a pure mental state is extinct in this world, everyone has their own cross to carry, if not their own instability to deal with. You of all people should know that, General. You would not be here yourself if we were so rigorous."   
  
Zack felt his stomach drop. There was an instant prick, Sephiroth's arms falling to his side as the words hit. He had to do something. "Let's get to the point," Zack said quickly, stepping forward so that half of his body shielded Sephiroth. The silver haired man didn't bother to look to him, his malevolent anger so apparent Zack thought he could take the room down in a single breath. "What do you want us to do?"   
  
He felt as Sephiroth stood still, but was unwilling to let his breath out just yet. The official bowed his head, smiling. "Only you," He said quietly. "The General has other important things to attend to, we'll only be needing your services."   
  
Zack furrowed his brow, watching the man. "I thought he was supposed to be extremely dangerous?"   
  
"Oh, don't worry, our reports show that he is." The officer leaned back against the wall, his arms crossed, mimicking Sephiroth's previous stance, only with quite a greater deal of superiority. "However, the General has important business to take care of here at Shinra; it's been requested that he stay here. Since all of our other SOLDIERs of your status are currently gone, matters have been left up to you, Lieutenant."   
  
The black haired soldier scowled, but was silenced by his companion. "May I inquire as to why I have been informed of this, if I'm not even to be any part of the operation?"   
  
The man nodded slightly. "Of course you may. While you are requested to stay here, if your lieutenant is unable to fulfill his duties, you will be summoned to complete the task."   
  
"So he's my janitor?" Zack asked, Sephiroth unable to speak fast enough to cut off such remarks. "He'll be there to clean up my mess?" The official chuckled, pushing himself from the wall until he stood once more.   
  
"I don't doubt his abilities." Sephiroth said bluntly. Zack nearly eyed him curiously at the remark, but remained forward, not wanting to draw the officials attention.   
  
The man smiled, and Zack felt the emotions passing between the two soaring through the air. Did they know each other? The officials words seemed to sting Sephiroth with an intensity he hadn't seen since he had caught a glimpse of him with one of Shinra's scientists, the short, insect like man known as Hojo. There had to be a past of some kind.   
  
"Well then," The man spoke once more, watching Zack for the first time since he had taken over, "We would like it if you began preparations now. We have you scheduled to leave for Antei in five days."   
  
Zack refused to nod, simply watching the man, unable to let him win when he was so obviously fighting his companion. He had his loyalties to keep, after all.   
  
The official flashed one final smile towards the duo, picking up the reports and files that had been brought as reference material. He turned to leave the room, gazing over his shoulder once more as he neared the door. "Good luck, then, Soldier."   
  
Zack scowled, the man's words finally beginning to rub against him as well. "Fucking hell," he murmured to the now closed door. "Who the fuck is he, anyway?" he asked, his arms crossed defiantly against his chest. Sephiroth made no reply, and Zack sighed, turning to face his friend. He had to have something to say, some bit of information to supply. His eyes met a blank space in the small, dark room, and Zack's arms fell to his side. Sephiroth was gone.   
  
  
------------------------------------------------------------- 


	6. Chapter 6

Forgotten Daze  
FF7 Fan Fiction  
  
Chapter 6  
  
  
-------------------------------------------------------------   
  
  
It was a mistake. From the first second Cloud looked in his direction, he knew it was a mistake. They were both in their generic Shinra uniforms, both carrying the same implemented weapon, both the exact same rank. They were equals.   
  
He wasn't sure who made the first move, however, though the prevailing memory in his mind upon reaching his apartment was that he had tried to get away as quickly as possible.   
  
"Where've you been, Strife?" Aiden asked, setting the butt of his gun on the ground. Cloud had turned his head slightly, looking to the redhead from the corners of his eyes. "I was beginning to think you might have dropped out."   
  
Cloud refused to answer, shrugging slightly in a manner he had recently come into. Aiden continued to stare out from beneath his bangs.   
  
"Still to good to talk to me, huh?"   
  
"All you want to do is try and torture me," Cloud mumbled, staring ahead. He heard Aiden shuffle slightly next to him.   
  
"I suppose it's just a vicious cycle, isn't it? You act like you're better than everyone, so I get mad. The more I get mad, the less you want to talk. The less you want to talk, the madder I get. It probably could have ended when it first began, but I don't think you're the type to quit the act so easily."   
  
Cloud remained silent before he finally sighed and looked to Aiden. "I'm not acting anything, all right?" he was surprised at how controlled his voice was, considering his own anger. "I don't know what you think you know about me, but it's wrong."   
  
A slightly bemused smile appeared on his lips. "Well, what you think I think I know about you could be wrong as well."   
  
Cloud looked to him slowly, his scowl barely visible. "An easy way to end everything would be to just drop it now and forget we ever even talked once."   
  
"Probably," Aiden said, nonchalance pouring from his words. "I just can't seem to, though, can I? You strike me rather close to home, Strife."   
  
"What do you mean?" Cloud asked.   
  
"I know people like you." Aiden said.   
  
The blond's scowl was quite visible now. "Really. What am I like, then?"   
  
"You think you're miserable."   
  
"I /think/ I'm miserable?"   
  
"Yes," Aiden turned his side to Cloud and leaned back, his arms crossed against his chest. "You come to Shinra to become a SOLDIER. You barely survive the first two weeks, but then one of the highest ranking officers in the company comes and decides to simply let you in for no reason, despite you not earning it at all."   
  
"What does that have to do with me pretending to be miserable?" Cloud asked.   
  
"Why did he taken an interest in you?" Aiden asked, watching as Cloud looked away. "Because you set yourself apart. It's the biggest cry for attention anyone can give. Sit in the crowd and be overshadowed. Sit away and people will notice."   
  
"You think that's why I distanced myself from everyone?"   
  
"If you were as depressed as you seemed, you would never have gotten the motivation to even try out for SOLDIER." Aiden said, rocking slightly on his heels as Cloud's anger continued to rise. "Therefore, you can't be as sad as you want everyone to see you as."   
  
"Since when," Cloud said, his breathing slightly heavy as he worked to control his urges, "is someone's demeanor debatable?"   
  
"I said I know people like you, Strife. I've seen them, and I hate it."   
  
"I really hate to ruin your beliefs, but I'm /not/ miserable."   
  
"Ah," Aiden nodded. "So it /is/ an act."   
  
Cloud turned fully this time, his anger winning the battle. "No! God--No, it's not an /act,/ I'm not miserable and I'm not trying to make anyone else think that I am!"   
  
Aiden smiled. Cloud felt his anger rise, the redhead's new personality, if possible, worse than his usual violent one.   
  
"Look," Cloud started, "I could go on and make up a lot of shit about you, too. How you go around picking on the one person smaller than you, the one person you /know/ is weaker than you. You single him out and do your best to run him into the ground, hit him and knock him around when you need to, just to show all your followers how much better you are." Aiden looked to him slowly from the corner of his eyes, but Cloud only continued. "I'm sure everyone's /real/ impressed at how you're able to hit me. You've /definitely/ shown how much better you are. Go out onto the street and kick some wounded dog, too, I'm sure that would show people how strong you are."   
  
"You little fuck," Aiden said quietly, a sarcastic laugh rising from him as a malevolent smile grew on his lips.   
  
"I know /I'm/ impressed by your actions. I know you're stronger than me, everyone does. I don't know what you're trying to prove other than how easy it is for you take advantage of that. I suppose true pride comes from winning battles weighted in your favor. You can go back to all your friends and tell them about how you beat the pathetic little blond who made it into Shinra on accident that you don't think could even survive just /watching/ a battle--"   
  
"Strife, you don't know /shit/ about me--"   
  
"You don't know shit about /me!/"   
  
Aiden turned on him sharply, the old personality surfacing quickly as he grabbed Cloud by his collar. "There's no one around, is there, Strife?" he asked through clenched teeth, only inches from his face. "Who do you think I'm showing off to?"   
  
"You're pathetic," Cloud said. "You always have been pathetic and you always will be. Hit me if it makes you feel better, if it makes you think you've accomplished something." Cloud watched the other boy's eyes narrow as his sneer grew and his arm swung back behind him.   
  
His fist came around fast, although Cloud had seen it coming from the moment Aiden walked to his side. It struck him awkwardly, the blond moving at the last minute in mild desperation. There was an instant ringing, and Cloud's world blurred for an instant, Aiden's displaced punch striking him on his ear. He fell from the redhead's grasp, his knees buckling from under him.   
  
Cloud inhaled sharply, his teeth gritting in his mouth as his anger rose quickly. He glanced up in the split second after he collapsed, and spotted his opening. On impulse, Cloud felt himself rise, his own fist set, and swiftly let it fly into Aiden's stomach.   
  
The redhead doubled over slightly, the force from Cloud's movement enough to deal a heavy blow. Before the blond could think, however, Aiden snarled and reached out. He stuck one foot behind Clouds and grabbed him by the shoulders, pushing him so that he fell backwards. But not alone.   
  
Aiden followed the topple, landing on Cloud hard. He quickly scrambled to a better position, his arms quickly grabbing Cloud's, and placed his knee squarely on his stomach, only inches below his ribs.   
  
His breathing was heavy, and Cloud knew he was in pain. If that was all he could walk away from, he thought, then it was good enough. The redhead only panted and pressed down harder, stopping Cloud's breath. He suddenly hoped he /would/ be able to walk away with it.   
  
"Pathetic," Aiden echoed, glaring down at the pinned boy. Cloud's eyes narrowed.   
  
"You left yourself open," he replied, almost able to smile. "Or did you forget that seminar we had on stances?"   
  
The pressure increased. "Shut your mouth, Strife. I'll tell you that once, because I know you never know when to stop."   
  
Cloud almost laughed, and the pressure increased again. "The only thing ... " he struggled, "that ever gets to you ... is my dismissal of your threats. Do you really ... need me to ... reassure you ... by giving in to you?"   
  
Aiden pushed down hard for an instant, a moment of white hot pain suddenly blinding the young recruit as he cried out inadvertently. Still, when his thoughts returned, he only sneered, unable to lose, unable to show the weakness that was truly there.   
  
Another hit, another push, and Cloud felt the world go white once more, only this time it stayed until he remembered no more.   
  
  
  
  
When Cloud opened his eyes again, he was in his apartment. There was the low sound of a conversation in the back room, and he barely recognized it as his roommate, Kail. Cloud turned his head, looking out over the room from the couch he had been strewn across. His head rang sharply with each movement, along with the erupting of flames inside his chest.   
  
His ear throbbed as did one side of his face (had he been hit there too?) and he turned his head further to look to the doorway, where the voice was growing steadily. Kail popped his head out from around the corner, a phone nestled in the crook of his neck. He looked over Cloud's wounds, although the blond knew he had to have seen them before. Kail stepped forward, worry apparent in his eyes. Cloud shook his head, waving him away with an arm he had somehow managed to lift. Kail waited a moment before nodding, and reluctantly walked back into the other room.   
  
Wounds were no surprise any longer. Perhaps he could convince Kail that they were an accident from sparring with Zack. Any talk of the SOLDIER normally sent the other man into an awed silence, but Cloud knew that his rivalry with Aiden, one of the best students Shinra had seen in quite a few years, was more than common knowledge within their small group of recruits.   
  
Perhaps that alone would get him out of any explanation. With a soft groan, Cloud turned his head back and closed his eyes.   
  
  
--------------------------------   
  
  
The room was fairly cold, and Zack welcomed it. The window near the bed was cracked open slightly, the curtains blowing dreamily across the walls as Zack lay, letting the subtle breeze brush across his bare skin.   
  
It was almost romantic, Zack realized, the way the curtains blew and the city was silent beyond the window, the room dim except for the stream of moonlight that had found it's way in, spread across the floor and the bottom of the bed. Of course, he was never one for formalities, but the distance between him and the other man did strike him as slightly strange. Still, it was what he had come to expect, and so he let himself enough the cool air, ignoring his thoughts.   
  
It was a fairly good day. At least, it was for Sephiroth, and that was truly what made the difference in the end. It took an act of god for the silver haired general to be in such a good mood, even if Zack were the only one who would be able to decipher the man's hidden emotions. Zack was always willing to talk, and for once, so was Sephiroth.   
  
Zack rolled on to his back, one hand strewn across his chest as he sighed and looked to the ceiling. He wasn't quite sure where he wanted to begin. His thoughts had been full the past few weeks, obscenely out of the inner circle of knowledge (a thing which, although he had seldom been involved, frustrated him to no end,) and desperate for some feeling of closure.   
  
He turned to face Sephiroth. He had to start somewhere.   
  
"So, how do you know that officer that gave me the Antei assignment?" Zack asked.   
  
Green eyes slowly turned to him, a violent annoyance quite visible. Zack looked back to the ceiling, frowning. "Okay, wrong topic." He sighed once more, placing his arms behind his head. "You really think they've told us all that's going on?"   
  
Sephiroth shifted slightly, dressing quietly. "I would doubt it."   
  
There was a slight silence before Zack spoke again. "That's all you're going to say?"   
  
"What else do you want me to say?"   
  
Zack pushed himself up on his arms, scowling at the other man despite his turned back. "Why am /I/ assigned to go? And why are /you/ specifically /not?/"   
  
"I'm not the only SOLDIER here. Does it really surprise you that much to know that Shinra believes you can handle some form of responsibility?"   
  
"Well, yes, actually! But I'm not talking about that. You're Shinra's best. This sort of thing could be disastrous if the public found out or if the mission were to fail, don't you think they'd have someone go who they /know/ would win?"   
  
"This from a man who is a shameless self-promoter?"   
  
Zack crossed his arms across his chest defiantly. He had almost forgotten that Sephiroth's good moods were nearly synonymous with his own bad ones. He paused for a moment, thinking over his words. He had just done what every other soldier had at one point.   
  
"Don't you ever wonder why people treat you like they do?" he asked.   
  
Sephiroth did his best to appear vaguely uninterested. "How they treat me?"   
  
"You know what I mean," Zack continued. "Everyone worships you. People come here just for you, as if just by being in the same town as you some of your greatness will rub off on them. I mean, it goes beyond idol worship sometimes, too. The people here /love/ you, without exaggeration. Doesn't that ever get to you? Don't you ever wonder why?"   
  
"Are you trying to say I'm not deserving of it?" Sephiroth asked.   
  
Zack sighed, despite his ability to pick up the slight sarcasm in the other man's voice. "You can break people so easily, you know. I don't think you realize that."   
  
"I don't have that big of an impact on people."   
  
"Yes you do!"   
  
"Even so," Sephiroth cut in, "what difference would it make? Idol worship, as you put it, isn't the kind of thing that lasts forever. If someone has a hero that they look up to so much they confuse it with love, do they follow that love their whole lives? Does it shape them as a person? Everyone is always struck with reality, whether or not their hero is the one to do it. /I/ may be able to break someone, but it's not as if I'm the only way a dream can end."   
  
"You just ... you don't get it." Zack stared back to the window.   
  
"What brings this up?" Sephiroth asked.   
  
Zack shook his head softly. "Nothing ... just, I know how you are sometimes ... "   
  
Sephiroth shifted in his spot slightly. "So there's a direct cause for this?"   
  
The black haired soldier turned back. "What?"   
  
"There's someone like this that you know, so you want to keep them safe from me and reality?"   
  
Zack nearly growled. "You're such a bastard sometimes."   
  
"Sometimes? This wouldn't have something to do with that new recruit you've taken under your wing, would it?"   
  
Zack sneered at Sephiroth's amused expression. "Maybe reality /would/ help him, then at least he'd know what a complete asshole you are."   
  
"Tell me you didn't come here and do all this just to tell me to try and not hurt your friend."   
  
"Because of the two of us, I'm the one notorious for using people this way," Zack mumbled.   
  
"Of course, I forget you're the righteous one."   
  
Zack sighed, his anger dissipating slightly. "Fuck off."   
  
Sephiroth ignored the comment. "Why are you so intent on protecting him?"   
  
"I just am."   
  
There was a pause. "Are you interested in him?" Sephiroth was the only person who could approach such a topic with such an obvious disinterest. Zack scowled anyway, before quickly breaking into a smile.   
  
"Why, would that make you jealous?" Sephiroth looked to him, his eyes blank. Zack's expression reverted. "Of course it wouldn't, what was I thinking?"   
  
"As much as I'd prefer to stay away from naming such things, I'm not sure one could conjure up jealousy from this kind of relationship."   
  
Zack's eyes flashed as he leaned forward, grinning madly until Sephiroth turned. The black haired soldier batted his eyelashes in the other man's face. "A /relationship?/ Really? Aw, Seph, that's so sweet!"   
  
Sephiroth ignored the comment, standing. Zack continued to lean, balancing perilously over the edge of the bed. The silver haired man turned back to him as he put on his jacket.   
  
"You never answered my question, Zackary," he said softly, making fine adjustments on his attire.   
  
Zack couldn't hold back a slight growl. "Don't call me that," he said, falling back to a sitting position, still wrapped in blankets. Sephiroth nearly smiled. Every attempt he made to annoy his general fell flat, the other man a complete impenetrable shell. Yet the same man managed to succeed in working Zack's own nerves, a task he had previously thought impossible, using the same tactics he did. How it worked was truly beyond him.   
  
His thoughts had faded into his usual string of darkness, angry with himself and Sephiroth (well, mainly Sephiroth,) before he realized the question he had been asked.   
  
"Wait, what?"   
  
"The kid you've been training," Sephiroth said from the doorway, leaning against the wall. Zack was positive he knew Cloud's name, if he wasn't jealous, then he was just an ass.   
  
"Cloud?" he asked deliberately. Sephiroth turned, a hint of an expression enough to imply his agreement. Zack shrugged, his thoughts on other matters. "Of course not."   
  
Sephiroth nodded. "Of course not."   
  
Zack's gaze fell to the floor, tired and sore from his friend's attitude. The two were silent as they departed.   
  
  
--------------------------------   
  
  
There was a steady stream of poundings coming from around the corner. Zack continued his slow pace, stretching his arms out behind him. The vending machine came into view, a small blond pressed into it, his face flattened as he hit the plastic with little enthusiasm.   
  
"Eat your money?" Zack asked, leaning against the opposite wall. Cloud's fist fell once more, sliding down the front of the machine as he slowly turned, his eyes glazed over with exhaustion.   
  
"I just wanted some food ... " he mumbled, turning back so that his nose was flattened again. Zack smiled and walked over, pushing the blond away. Cloud toppled sideways, the wall catching him before he could slide to the ground.   
  
"You shouldn't eat so soon after working out, you know," Zack said, examining the stuck merchandise. Cloud was silent, and Zack watched his displaced figure out of the corner of his eyes. "You gonna be okay?"   
  
Cloud only shrugged. "I haven't slept in ... " the blond slid down the wall, bouncing slightly upon hitting the floor. He held one limp hand up, staring at the fingers. "Three days?"   
  
Zack hit the machine, the food wobbling slightly, but failing to fall. "I've been with you until you got to your apartment, why haven't you been sleeping?"   
  
Lifeless arms fell onto Cloud's lap as he watched the floor with unfocused eyes. "The first night I decided to just workout all night. Then the next night I couldn't sleep. So I worked out. Then the next night ... last night, I couldn't sleep either. So I worked out."   
  
Zack eyed the blond strangely. "You know there is such a thing as too much." Cloud didn't move. Zack hit the machine once more, and the food continued to mock him. "What's with the sudden insomnia?"   
  
Cloud was silent, and it took a moment for Zack to realize that it wasn't out of his own will. Cloud struggled to look up, the words hitting him slowly, and his response was even more lethargic. "Nervous, I guess."   
  
"Over what?" This time the pouch remained completely still, a low curse rising from the black haired soldier as he glared through the impenetrable plastic.   
  
There was a brief hint that Cloud was trying to express an emotion, but he gave up and let his head fall back against the wall. "What do you think?"   
  
"You're permanently nervous, Cloud, how am I supposed to be able to distinguish between certain times?"   
  
The blond scowled, and Zack was sure if he had enough energy, he would have shown his distaste through the hand that raised halfway, before falling back to the floor, defeated. Another strike, though this time the food tipped sideways, and was caught again.   
  
"I need to get better. I need to get better /now./"   
  
"For what?" Zack asked, his attention completely focused on the food. With a final bit of anger, he hit the machine straight on.   
  
"Final cuts are in three weeks," he said. The small, vacuum sealed package fell, landing on the bottom of the machine with a dissatisfying crunch.   
  
"Oh." Zack paused for a moment, thinking over the statement. Finally he shrugged, bending down to take the package from the machine. He tossed it to Cloud, and it bounced off his chest, landing in his lap.   
  
He looked down at it slowly. "I don't want it anymore."   
  
Zack scowled. "You little..." he started, walking to Cloud's side and grabbing him by the arm, pulling him back up. Cloud grinned slightly, but his exhaustion was more than apparent, and Zack held back the punishment he had intended.   
  
"Come on, Spike," he said, pulling the blond along behind him.   
  
Cloud shuffled slowly, before grumbling quietly. "Don't call me that."   
  
For reasons that eluded him, Zack smiled at the exchange.   
  
"So, your assignment starts soon?" Cloud asked as they walked through the building. Zack nodded.   
  
"Yeah, it should only be about two weeks, though. It'll probably get you back on a natural sleeping schedule."   
  
"If three days of straight work doesn't put me to sleep, nothing will."   
  
A smile began to creep up on Zack's lips as he looked to Cloud. "How 'bout I tell you a secret," He said quietly, a hint of deviance in his eyes. "I survived the first few months of Shinra training with just two things. You want to know what they were?"   
  
Cloud continued to shuffle silently. "If it's anything along the lines of pride and honor, I don't want to hear it."   
  
"Oh, god no!" Zack grinned. "Drugs!"   
  
Cloud stopped in his spot, eyeing Zack curiously.   
  
"Drugs? God, you are the single greatest role model I have ever met."   
  
The SOLDIER's grin only widened as he turned to face him. "I think one of the perks to a Hyper/Tranquilizer diet is that it fogs your memory. I mean, I barely even remember the manic nights or the come-downs or the way it warped me into the kind of self-hating monster that plagues mankind."   
  
Cloud looked to Zack with lethargic annoyance. Zack only sighed and rolled his eyes. "They're natural. They wouldn't sell them in every store around the world if they weren't. The only thing you have to look out for is the mornings and nights when you switch off between them."   
  
"Can't that kind of thing kill you?" Cloud asked.   
  
Zack shrugged. "Probably."   
  
The blond nodded. "If it puts me to sleep, it can't be bad."   
  
"Exactly."   
  
The two continued their walk.   
  
  
--------------------------------   
  
  
Cloud had never slept that well in his life. By the time he had reached the small hanger where Zack was preparing for the trip, his hypers were also in full swing. He couldn't remember a better morning since he had come to Shinra.   
  
With the exception of a severe lack of attention, Cloud situated himself atop a large crate overlooking Zack feeling all but jolly.   
  
His thoughts struggled to stay on subject, but the hanger's silence save for Zack's occasional curses gave him more than enough time to think over his situation.   
  
He'd be alone for nearly a week, at the least. Even if Zack was able to go to whatever town it was he had been assigned to, march in and solve matters in the first five minutes, he would still be gone countless days. Apparently, he had been told, a large chunk of SOLDIER life was file cabinet upon file cabinet of reports over the most miniscule of events.   
  
Planning out his first few days of Zack-free time was at first a blessing. He'd be able to sleep soundly, maybe lounge around his apartment for a day or so, watch the rare commodity known as television, read a book, explore the town on his own, spend some of his yet untouched salary in the many corners of Midgar ...   
  
After two or three days, Cloud realized, he'd have nothing to do. Loneliness had already set in, despite the fact that the same black haired annoyance sat in front of him at that very moment, looking slightly more unkempt than usual.   
  
"I would really love to know why /I'm/ given this job," Zack said, only a small fraction of the rants he had been muttering more or less to himself since he sat down.   
  
Cloud knew there was no answer, and that Zack hadn't expected one, and let his thoughts drift off again, his feet hitting the side of the box methodically.   
  
Final cuts were coming soon. Too soon. If there was ever a chance for him to become a SOLDIER, it was now. Surprisingly enough, the idea didn't bother him as much as it should have. But still, he needed to work hard the next few weeks if he was going to think he even had a glimmer of hope in succeeding.   
  
With Zack gone, he'd have to force himself into his own routine of training. Without the incessant yells behind him, Cloud wasn't sure he could motivate himself to continue long into the night. And without such an insane schedule, how on earth could he ever hope to get any better at any--   
  
"Quit that!" Zack yelled, grabbing Cloud's legs suddenly. The blond lurched forward, sliding down slightly. "It's enough that I have to do this, you could at least sit still!"   
  
Cloud scowled and pulled his legs up, crossing them. He looked down to Zack, his thoughts obviously broken. "Why don't you just make one of your soldiers do it? That's what anyone else in your position would do."   
  
Zack set a clipboard down, stretching his back out and looking up to Cloud. "Yeah, I would, but I don't trust them. They wouldn't do as good of a job as I will."   
  
Cloud watched him closely. "So why are you complaining about being forced into doing it?"   
  
"Because I don't want to!"   
  
"You make so much sense sometimes it's unbelievable." Cloud muttered.   
  
"What's with you today, forget your hypers?"   
  
Cloud stuck out his tongue. Zack mimicked the action and returned to his clipboard.   
  
The blond sat back on the box. "I just don't know what I'm going to do all week."   
  
Zack shrugged, engrossed in the supply checklist. "I'm sure there's a hell of a lot to do there."   
  
Cloud knitted his eyebrows, looking around in curiosity. "There?"   
  
Zack's pen stopped mid letter, his eyes suddenly beyond the paper. Slowly, he turned to Cloud, his brow furrowed slightly. " ... Yeah, Antei."   
  
The two men sat in silence for a moment, both examining one another.   
  
Cloud raised an eyebrow. "What?"   
  
Zack's expression fell suddenly. "Oh, shit!" he buried his face in his free hand, shaking his head and mumbling into his palm. He sighed, lifting his head and looking back to Cloud, a tint of humor in his eyes. "Say, how'd you like some field training?"   
  
The blond was sure his expression was self-explanatory, but Zack's forced grin assured him that he would have to speak.   
  
"What are you talking about?"   
  
Zack did his best to give a comforting chuckle, quite possibly the most forced thing Cloud had seen in some while. "Well, I figured since you've got the big SOLDIER cuts coming up, some field training wouldn't hurt!" Cloud merely sat in silence, watching as the other soldier grew more and more anxious. "Plus, I mean, you're more competent than any of the soldiers I'm supposed to bring anyway, you know?"   
  
Cloud wasn't entirely confident in what emotion he was portraying to the other man, but it only seemed to intensify his explanation.   
  
"I mean come on, I'd rather have you behind me than some half-witted Shinra lackey, I know you're better than all of them, anyway!" Zack had turned his body to face Cloud now, his eyes looking rather desperate as he searched for a better explanation, his arms moving through the air wildly at every word. "How do you expect to be trained just in some sorry room in the basement of Shinra? You need real life experience!"   
  
The blond thought about speaking, perhaps breaking the other man's tirade, but Zack's increased fervor after every blank stare he encountered was mildly amusing.   
  
"You can't expect to get anywhere if you don't /try/ things, I mean come on, you can't rely on fighting just /me,/ why do you want to limit yourself so much?" Zack quickly looked around the hanger as though there were something there that could help him. "Don't be a dick, Cloud! You can't expect any results with this half-assed training program!"   
  
"You're saying I'm going with you to this town?" Cloud asked, his voice surprisingly level. Zack's explanation was dragging into the realm of insults, as his failure to mention such an important fact to Cloud was somehow his fault. Zack gave a quick nervous laugh, his hand running through his hair out of habit.   
  
"Yeah, is that a problem?"   
  
The question was fairly obvious, although the previous drama made it seem as though it should have had a bigger impact on him. "No. That's fine."   
  
Zack's hand fell from his head as he looked to Cloud. "Really?"   
  
Cloud shrugged. "Yeah, why not? With you gone, I wouldn't have anything to do all week anyway."   
  
A large grin broke out on Zack's face. "Well, great! I knew you wouldn't let me down like that. And field training like this will only help you get ready for your cuts coming up! I'll tell Shinra you made the initiative to get invited along, I'm sure that'll beef up your chances of getting accepted."   
  
"Or get me killed," Cloud said softly.   
  
"Hey now, you know it's my job to be the positive one, don't try to take my place."   
  
Zack began to stand, a grin quite set on his lips. Cloud recognized the emotion and shrunk back. The black haired soldier had obviously just thought of something he could do to make Cloud's day a little worse.   
  
"Well," Zack grinned, stretching as he stood, "now that everything's settled, why don't you finish up this work? Just go through all the material and make sure it's all in place, I'll be back in a few."   
  
Cloud scowled slightly. "Even though you assumed all along that I knew I was going, and made a point that none of your soldiers could work up to your standard, you now say that I need to do your work?"   
  
"Cloud," Zack looked to him in annoyance, holding the clipboard out in front of him, "just finish the checklist."   
  
The blond frowned and snatched it from his hands. Zack beamed. Cloud sighed and wondered if he had remembered to bring extra hypers.   
  
  
------------------------------------------------------------- 


	7. Chapter 7

Forgotten Daze  
FF7 Fan Fiction  
  
Chapter 7  
  
  
-------------------------------------------------------------   
  
  
There were only two definite explanations for what was happening, Cloud realized only moments after arriving for their departure, and based on what he had always been taught the apocalypse would look and feel like, it wasn't the end of the world.   
  
No, it was something far worse. He felt it in the pit of his stomach as hard as a rock as suddenly the eyes of every soldier around fell upon him, looking him up and down, examining him, inspecting him as though he weren't human. But it wasn't this act alone that made Cloud's stomach twist and turn in anxiety: it was what was in their eyes, their stance, the whispered words between them.   
  
The ten or so young soldiers stood around him in a semi-circle, looking between him, back to each other, and finally to the Gongagain monster that stood by his side, a massive, face-splitting grin quite set as he leaned on Cloud's shoulder, looking out over his small troop with a slightly more than obvious satisfaction.   
  
Although he had trouble deciphering it at first, Cloud soon realized the emotion on all the young soldier's faces. It was awe. Yes, something was definitely wrong.   
  
"Nice to meet you all," Zack beamed, obviously in high spirits. The soldier were silent, watching him strangely, a hint of condescension in their expressions. Zack's smile failed to waver. "I'm sorry, perhaps you don't recognize me. I'm your superior officer. You will be answering to me these next few days and no one else. I won't give you an ounce of respect if you think you can get by being the prideful, naive, pre-pubescent you more than likely all are, understand?"   
  
A few of the soldiers looked between themselves, but the others remained at attention, Zack's benevolent appearance either a foreboding of the hidden, dark, malicious side that was well hidden and undoubtedly a hundred times worse than this appearance of kindness, or simply his true nature, which in and of itself, somehow seemed even more frightening.   
  
Zack stepped away from Cloud, the blond teetering slightly in the absence of the weight, and walked to a near soldier. "I need to brief you all before we head out, but time isn't on our side, so we'll make this quick."   
  
Zack hovered over one soldier for a moment, who looked up in terror, at a complete loss. The boy stammered for a minute, unable to tell if he was being singled out. "Um, yes? Yes, Sir?"   
  
Zack's smile faded slightly into something a bit more empathetic. "Are you afraid of me, soldier?"   
  
If it were possible, the boy's eyes widened even more. "No! No ... Sir?"   
  
"Is that a question?"   
  
" ... No?"   
  
Zack paused momentarily, pondering the humor. It wasn't worth it. "Well I won't draw this out any longer, we need to get moving as soon as possible. The ride north is roughly six hours, so we need all the time we can get." He stepped away from the soldiers and back to Cloud's side, pulling a file off a nearby crate.   
  
"We're going to a small community named Antei," He continued. "Shinra has let a deranged mental case bunker down there with a hell of a lot of weapons, and he's officially holding the town and all it's inhabitants hostage until Shinra pays enough to compensate for the horrific wrongs he assumes he was subject to." A few of the soldiers shuffled in their spot. "We're going to stop him as best we can without endangering any more citizens. That's our mission. Any questions?"   
  
"I have one," a soldier perked up from the back of the group. The soldiers turned to face him. "The man we're going after is an ex-SOLDIER. What exactly happened in Shinra that let him slip through their fingers so easily?"   
  
"I sincerely hope you're not questioning the actions of the company of which you belong." Zack said flatly. Cloud frowned. The same question from the young soldier had come out of Zack's mouth not two hours earlier.   
  
"I believe you were the one who insinuated this company's incompetence with your little speech," the boy said, just as cynically.   
  
"You're not from around here. You look like you're from Wutai. Is that true?" Zack asked, moving to stand in front of the boy.   
  
"It is, Sir."   
  
"Ah," Zack nodded, scratching his chin in a manner that suggested something was brewing within him. "So after the bloody war between Shinra and Wutai that has caused long standing resentment between the two, you decided to come here and ... join Shinra?"   
  
The boy's eyes narrowed slightly. "I was born in Midgar, Sir, as were my parents. We were no where near Wutai during the war."   
  
Zack crossed his arms. "Did the war bother you?"   
  
" ... Of course."   
  
"So now you devote yourself to the very people who destroyed your home?"   
  
"It would seem that way," the boy said, anger apparent.   
  
"It would seem that way?"   
  
"It would seem that way, Sir."   
  
Zack smiled. There were no other questions.   
  
The group then separated: the soldiers together in one small, empty truck, and the two commanders taking their own place in the larger. Cloud didn't bother to ask how he had come to be held in a higher esteem than the other soldiers, pointing it out would only result in him being placed in the back in with the other recruits. He didn't feel up to making waves that would make things worse for him.   
  
Of course he didn't want to rock any boat, but Zack's attitude was grating on him, and Cloud felt it was his duty to try and stop the SOLDIER's rotten treatment of his young army. For the entire morning while the small group packed their supplies into the trucks, Zack had taken it upon himself to try and run them into the ground. Most of his actions were focused on the young boy from Wutai, who's headstrong nature and lack of shame seemed oddly familiar. Cloud was hardly appreciative of Zack, even though the attitude was never directed at him.   
  
It was strange to see. Without realizing it, Cloud had been invited to Zack's private side, a far more friendly, kind, and entertaining personality than the one he saved for Shinra. Still, the change didn't sit well with him.   
  
They both fell into the only open space in the truck, crates and duffel bags lining the sides. Cloud looked over to Zack quickly, ready to speak as soon as they left.   
  
"You do know you're being an ass, right?" He asked. Zack only scowled.   
  
"Oh, I'm just kidding around. It's not my fault if the kid can't decide if he has more Wutai pride or Shinra pride. Besides, it's not like I can treat the soldiers as my friends. I'm their superior officer, I have to act like it."   
  
Cloud paused for a moment. "You don't treat me like that."   
  
"What?" Zack looked to him, not understanding. "Well, no I don't."   
  
"Why not?"   
  
"I just don't."   
  
"I don't count?"   
  
Zack frowned. "Don't get overly sensitive on me now, Cloud. You're a soldier, but you're not ... you're not a /soldier./"   
  
"Ah."   
  
Zack sighed. "You're worried about the cuts, aren't you?"   
  
"Of course I am."   
  
The SOLDIER looked vaguely reassuring. "Don't be."   
  
"How can I not?" Cloud dropped his hands into his lap, resigning himself to the tirade about to spill. "It's the summary of everything I've done here so far. It's all the work and the training and the practice combined. If I don't make it, then what's it all for? I'm not here to be a low-level Shinra lackey, I mean ... What did any of this mean if I didn't succeed?"   
  
"You can't live your life thinking about things that way."   
  
Cloud shook his head softly. "I can't help it, it's true."   
  
They rode in silence for a few minutes before they spoke again.   
  
"There's still a good side to not making it in, you know," Zack said.   
  
"What's that?"   
  
"You don't have to deal with any Mako treatments."   
  
Cloud feigned non-interest for a moment, the subject holding tremendous interest. He looked to Zack with nonchalance. "You've been through that?"   
  
Zack nodded, seemingly comfortable with the topic. "Yeah, sure. It's not as if it's not required."   
  
"Maybe it's a good thing that I won't make it in, then. I couldn't survive that anyway." Cloud laughed quietly, sadly. Something began to creep up on him slowly, washing over him with a chill. He quickly brought a hand to his face, anxiety over the familiar feeling only increasing it's intensity. He held his breath for a moment, attempting to stop the overwhelming feeling. It failed, and Cloud lurched forward as he let out a shaky sigh, his head suddenly spinning.   
  
Zack continued the conversation, oblivious. "Well, not many can."   
  
The blond rocked slightly on his knees, one shaky hand covering his eyes as his breathing suddenly became strained. He could hear as Zack sat up as well, noticing his actions.   
  
"Are you okay?"   
  
Cloud swallowed hard, the hand he held himself up with digging into the bed of the truck. He managed to shake his head.   
  
Zack fell silent, a hand reached out to his shoulder slightly, unsure of what was wrong. "H-hey, I didn't mean it that way," he said suddenly, attempting to pull him back. "It's true not many people can make it through, but that doesn't mean you're automatically one of those--"   
  
Cloud shook his head again, stronger this time. "It's not that."   
  
" ... Then what?"   
  
"I think I'm going to be sick."   
  
Zack was quiet again. " ... What?"   
  
"I think I'm going to be sick," he repeated.   
  
Comprehension dawned. " ... Oh, god, not in the truck!" He fumbled for a moment, trying both to place a safe distance between them, and to pull him back in some form of comfort.   
  
Cloud forced himself back into his original spot, closing his eyes and resting his head on a crate. It was all in the mind. Zack's worried actions calmed at this, but Cloud knew he still sat watching him, both sympathetic and fearful.   
  
"You okay?"   
  
The blond struggled to swallow, crossing still shaky arms over his chest. "No."   
  
" ... Uh--"   
  
"It's fine. I just get motion sickness."   
  
There was a small release of tension. " ... You really got the short end of the stick, didn't you?"   
  
"Stop making me talk, it makes my stomach churn."   
  
They were quiet for a time as Cloud did his best to rationalize his stomach. If he could convince himself that he wasn't really sick, then he wouldn't feel as bad. The idea was much easier in theory than practice, he realized.   
  
Eventually Zack took up interest once more. "You okay now?"   
  
Cloud sighed heavily, anxiety dissipating slightly. "Yeah, I guess so."   
  
"Good. Well, really, don't let yourself get worked up over this SOLDIER stuff so much. Just enjoy what you've got anyway, you're a part of Shinra, that's something to be said."   
  
A small voice began to chirp in the back of Cloud's mind, but he drowned it out. "Maybe."   
  
"Of course. I mean, look at me. When I first joined my instructor told me I'd be flat on my face in the gutter within days. Once I made it past the first cuts he only said it was pure luck, and if I didn't keel over and die on my own since I wouldn't be able to handle it, he'd make sure to help me along. Then after I was cited for 'insubordination,' and again for 'attacking my instructor with the intent to severely injure' I made SOLDIER. He never stopped though, he never once told me I was deserving of the position or that I could make it." Zack paused for a moment, a moral surfacing. "So, see? No one believed that I'd manage anything, and I did."   
  
"You know, you're right," Cloud pushed himself up on his hands. "Knowing that you're a SOLDIER makes me feel a lot better," he said softly.   
  
Zack turned to him. "Good."   
  
"Well, yeah, shit, if /you/ can make it, anyone can."   
  
Zack eyed him curiously for a moment, and Cloud couldn't hold in his grin. At that, Zack grabbed his shoulder, pushing him down to the truck bed easily. The blond struggled to move out from the one giant hand covering his chest.   
  
"I'll have you know it took a /lot/ for me to get in," Zack said gruffly. Cloud continued to grin, having given up on overpowering the other man.   
  
"I can imagine."   
  
"Bastard," the SOLDIER muttered, doing his best to look irritated. For a man like Zack, it proved fairly difficult.   
  
"You know I can't breathe, right?"   
  
Zack pressed on his chest harder. "Well maybe you shouldn't talk down to me all the time!"   
  
"I'd take your threats more seriously if you didn't /smile/ during them."   
  
Zack scowled, although it quickly broke away. "Do you know how many men I've killed while smiling?"   
  
Cloud forced himself to cough, turning his head away pathetically.   
  
"You're horrible!" Zack laughed, placing his free hand to his eyes in embarrassment.   
  
"You're crushing me," Cloud said softly, doing his best to hold in his laugher as he feigned pain.   
  
"That was my intent."   
  
"I'll throw up." Zack paused at this. "On you."   
  
"Damn it." He took his hand from Cloud's chest. "Fine, you win."   
  
Cloud pushed himself back up, but another wave of nausea quickly struck him, and he fell back down to the truck bed.   
  
Zack sighed. "Why don't you take a nap?" he suggested. "It'll keep your mind off your stomach."   
  
Cloud groaned, a hand over his forehead. " ... this sucks."   
  
"It's all psychological. The more you think about it, the worse you'll feel."   
  
The blond let out another groan, covering his eyes with both arms. The two were silent for a moment while Cloud settled down. Eventually one hand found its way to his lips, running over the small cut on his lip from his previous encounter with Aiden.   
  
He looked up to Zack. "Hey, how come you didn't ask me about my bruises?"   
  
Zack didn't bother to turn, seeming quite content sprawled out over the many supplies around them. "Did you expect them to surprise me?"   
  
Cloud thought for a moment. "I guess not."   
  
Zack turned his head, smiling. "Good. I don't like playing your mother anyway."   
  
The blond frowned. "I don't like you playing that either. And I didn't even think you /were./ If my mother ever attacked me with a giant buster sword with insane malice in her eyes, I'd be a bit alarmed."   
  
The SOLDIER murmured his agreement, appearing to doze off next to him. Cloud rubbed his eyes, his stomach settled for the moment.   
  
Cloud sat as still as he could the remainder of the ride, his stomach content as he relaxed against the side of the truck, trying his best to ignore the many bumps they hit and the turns they seemed to make. Zack had fallen asleep beside him, taking his own advice to rest up before they reached Antei.   
  
Cloud had only just begun to drift off when the truck jostled once more, sending a sudden, strange feeling of needles to his face. The blond shook his head dreamily, only half awake, but the feeling remained. The world was blurred slightly when he forced his eyes open, but Cloud did his best to pull himself back, blinking in the dim light.   
  
The feeling had reached his nose, now, and his quickly brought a hand to his face to brush it away. Instead, his hand hit something hard.   
  
He was now awake. Cloud's eyes focused quickly on the obstruction. It was Zack. Of course.   
  
"You could kill someone with that hair," he mumbled, turning his face away from the mess. Zack didn't move. "Come on," he groaned, attempting to shrug the other man off his shoulder. "You've made your point ... whatever it was. Get off."   
  
Zack mumbled something incoherently, shifting in his spot. His head fell back slightly, still very much on top of the much smaller blond, his face now visible. He was asleep.   
  
"Oh god. You're the biggest ... " Cloud shook his head, nearly laughing. "I hope you're faking, and can hear every word I say."   
  
It was another moment before the situation finally struck him. All at once the blond felt the blood rush to his face, his ears and cheeks burning despite his isolation.   
  
"Hey ... come on, get off," his voice was softer now, unable to decide if he truly wanted him to wake up. Waking up to find out you had fallen asleep on someone who simply sat there, and hadn't even bothered to try and move you? He wasn't sure Zack would be too thrilled.   
  
His face was still red as he tried to move, the impossibly heavy man refusing to budge from his position wedged between Cloud and a nearby box.   
  
He was asleep on him. His entire life he had been ignored by those he wanted to accept him, thrown out before he could even see in. The one person that mattered to him looked over him without hesitation, the one person he looked up to hadn't the faintest idea of even his simple existence. He was perpetually alone, never to know something as simple as friendship, and now some giant hulking /ogre/ had fallen asleep in the crook of his neck, sleeping as soundly as a child.   
  
Tifa had never fallen asleep on his shoulder ... although, Zack's father hadn't beaten the shit out of him, either, so there was no real parallel, was there?   
  
There was no escape. The blond sighed, resigning himself to the situation. Slowly he let his head move, resting on Zack's, tentatively increasing the weight as he relaxed to be sure the other man wouldn't wake. He wondered briefly what someone else might think upon seeing them: a small, emaciated, spiky-haired young recruit holding a SOLDIER first class nearly twice his size as he mumbled and cursed in his sleep, all the while unconsciously nestling closer?   
  
He was sure the held in laughter at the image would wake Zack, but the dark haired soldier merely shifted again, sliding down slightly so that he rested farm more comfortably on Cloud's shoulder.   
  
"This is almost pathetic," Cloud said out loud. There was no response from Zack, and the blond finally smiled, almost content.   
  
  
--------------------------------   
  
  
They reached the Antei outskirts by late afternoon, the town relatively quiet for one under the control of someone Shinra saw as a tremendous threat. Zack's small motley army gathered together by the two trucks, unpacking behind the now two commanders.   
  
"This is Antei?" Zack asked, looking over the town. He could count roughly five buildings amid the endless fields.   
  
Cloud ruffled his spikes. "I guess it's fairly ... agrarian?"   
  
"If you were a crazed madman bent on seeking revenge on the company that wronged you, wouldn't you try taking over a town that might, I dont know, /mean/ something to the rest of the world?"   
  
"Maybe he's a bit lacking in confidence." Cloud answered.   
  
"Excuse me, Sir?" one of the soldiers called from behind. Zack pulled himself away from his survey of the pathetic town. "What should we do with all our supplies?"   
  
He turned back, looking to the buildings downheartedly. "I guess we need to find our hotel."   
  
Cloud blinked. "There's a hotel?"   
  
"Well, Shinra put us up /somewhere./ I assume it was in some form of a ... hotel." The two men were quiet. There was a sudden aroma of cows. Zack wrinkled his nose. "Of course Shinra would send me here." Cloud looked to him. "Send Zack to the town full of cow shit, we wouldn't want to dirty our precious general," he sighed. "Okay, let's go."   
  
  
--------------------------------   
  
  
"Just make yourselves at home," the old man said, smiling cheerfully as he carried an unmarked box through the door.   
  
Cloud stood in the doorway, slightly unsure of what was happening. The young Wutai soldier, Yasuhiko, stood behind him, gazing into the building as well. Zack stood some distance off, looking particularly downtrodden.   
  
Yasuhiko cleared his throat, leaning in from behind Cloud once the old man had wondered into another room. "We're staying in a ... barn, Sir?"   
  
"It's not a barn!" Zack snapped, shooting the boy a quick glare. "This man has been kind enough to loan his home and his guest-house to Shinra, so show a little respect, /soldier./" Zack turned away, but his expression quickly fell, his disappointment with the accommodations too obvious to ignore. "We can't stay in the heart of the town, we'd be too conspicuous. The SOLDIER is at the very base of the mountains behind Antei, if he was barred in, there's no telling what kind of destruction he'd cause before we even got to him."   
  
The boy nodded slightly. "We're staying in a /barn,/ Sir."   
  
Zack sighed and walked to him, picking up a bundle at the boy's side. "It's a terrible inconvenience, I know. Since you seem to have such a problem, how about you go sleep out in the fields tonight." The SOLDIER tossed the bag into the boy's chest. Yasuhiko held back a scowl.   
  
The owner returned soon after. "You don't have to stand in the doorway, come in, come in!" He ushered Cloud and Yasuhiko in, still beaming. "There are less rooms here, but enough for you. I hope you know how proud we are to be helping Shinra like this, and how grateful we are for you to be helping our town."   
  
Cloud did his best to smile. "We appreciate you letting us stay here, too."   
  
The man returned the expression, carrying another small bag deeper into the house. The three were alone again.   
  
"Well, I think I'll have a shower," Zack announced. He turned, glancing at Yasuhiko. "Why don't you get me some towels."   
  
The boy stood still for a moment, an internal debate flaring up. He had been attacked by him once, Cloud knew the boy sensed something fishy when Zack brought him along to their quarters. The boy shook his head and walked off.   
  
Cloud glared at his friend, finally able to speak his mind. "You're being a bastard."   
  
"Did I ask for your opinion?"   
  
Cloud scowled, Zack's arrogance something he had rarely seen. "You going to run me into the ground, too?"   
  
"Just drop it," he said, shooting an angry glare. Cloud looked away.   
  
Anger was one thing, and so was irritability. But when Zack started directing it to people other than the bureaucratic Shinra fodder he usually did and to kids that were grossly undeserving, including himself, he could only attempt to hold in his anger. Cloud thought for a moment of what his anger would be compared to Zack's sheer strength. It wasn't much.   
  
Yasuhiko returned, carrying his commander's requested items. He stopped next to Zack. "Anything else, Sir?" he asked, his voice thick with contempt.   
  
Zack brought a hand to his chin, stroking it slightly. "I think I'll put you on guard duty. I wouldn't want my privacy invaded."   
  
The boy visibly swallowed down a retort.   
  
Cloud rolled his eyes. "Zack ... "   
  
"Of course, Sir," Yasuhiko managed, bloodshed in his eyes. Zack smiled, taking the towels from his arms and walking off down the hall. Cloud and the soldier stood for a moment, looking after him. Finally, they followed.   
  
"Just stay here, kid. I trust you won't run off." Zack opened the door to what they assumed to be the bathroom. Yasuhiko nodded, having given up on his attempt at rebellion. Zack flashed another quick smile before disappearing behind the door.   
  
It wasn't until they could both hear the sound of running water that Yasuhiko sighed, releasing his tension all at once.   
  
"Jesus, what an ass," he mumbled, leaning against the wall.   
  
Cloud mimicked the motion opposite him. "I know. We should do something about it. He's not normally like this."   
  
The soldier looked to him curiously. "Do something about it? Yeah right, and get cited for insubordination? No thanks, I've dealt with these guys before."   
  
"'These guys?'" Cloud asked.   
  
"You know, 'first class' SOLDIERs," Yasuhiko scowled. "They've all got this superiority complex. Real class-acts."   
  
"Class-acts?" Cloud nearly laughed, motioning to the closed door. "Him? I really don't think so. If he wasn't acting like this I'd almost want to defend him. He's not normally this bad, though. He's a pretty nice guy most of the time ... just not ... now. He's done a lot for me, anyway."   
  
Yasuhiko shook his head. "So? You're friends with him. Of course he'll treat /you/ different, but the rest of us poor slobs are left trying to come up with some new fashion of licking boots that they've yet to see."   
  
"I suppose you're right," the blond agreed, a sudden plan brewing. "So I guess that means I can get away with a lot more than you could."   
  
Yasuhiko snorted. "Yeah, no shit."   
  
Cloud felt a sly grin coming. "So we'll get back at him. And I'll take the blame."   
  
The soldier was silent, looking to the blond with disbelief. "You /do/ know that this is a, uh, military, right?"   
  
Cloud waved the comment away, smiling as he walked to the door. "This is /Shinra./ If you really want to consider it a military, though, go right ahead."   
  
Yasuhiko pushed himself off the wall quickly, reaching an arm out to Cloud as he neared the doorknob, hissing violently. "What are you doing?!"   
  
"Don't worry! All you have to do is go stand guard down at the end of the hall. He'll never even see you."   
  
"What do you--No, do you have any idea what you're--?!" Yasuhiko grabbed Cloud's arm, but was abruptly shook off. The blond flashed a reassuring smile as he opened the door, silently stepping in.   
  
The other soldier looked around the hallway quickly in his absence, his eyes wide with fear. Cloud stepped back out in an instant, closing the door quietly behind him, the soft sound of running water muted once more. Yasuhiko stared at him in relative disbelief, Cloud's arms were completely full of towels.   
  
"You have a death-wish, don't you?" he asked. Cloud grinned.   
  
  
  
It would be awhile before the small town of Antei returned to normal. It would take awhile for /any/ town to resume it's normal life when a maniac took it hostage and held it for ransom, occasionally causing the random casualty among the townsfolk, but Cloud knew that the brief ten-minute hysteria of a malevolent, bloodthirsty, and more importantly, naked SOLDIER first class of questionable sanity ravaging through the town square in hot pursuit of another young soldier who didn't seem very concerned with the fact that he was being chased by said naked, crazed man was what would linger in the town after Shinra's occupancy was complete.   
  
The doors to a small bar slammed open as Cloud burst in, tripping slightly as he ran for cover.   
  
"I swear to /god,/ Cloud, the worst imaginable death!" Zack bellowed, entering no less dramatically behind him, "The /worst imaginable death!!/"   
  
Cloud made his way quickly around a table, placing the necessary distance between him and Zack. He paused as Zack reached the opposite end, trying hard to conceal his amusement.   
  
"Pathetic excuse for a soldier? I'm sorry, Sir, but I don't think your actions are reflecting too well on Shinra. I was under the impression that it's company policy to wear your uniform at all times while on assignment."   
  
The rage intensified. Cloud took the moment of calm (well, it wasn't exactly calm, but the increased fervor that Zack seemed to suddenly have was for the most part being spent on the grip he held on the table,) to steal a glance around the pub. A lone man watched the event, a drunken haze changing his surprise to confusion, and the doors opened again, a group of soldiers rushing in to watch the events.   
  
"Do you fear death, Strife?!" Zack continued to yell, nearly splitting the table. Cloud held the other end, his well-trained apathetic mask serving the event /quite/ well.   
  
"You know, no one forced you to try and kill me while you were /still/ naked. You could have easily gotten your clothes /before/ trying to find me."   
  
"Never try to reason with a man on the edge, Strife!" Zack yelled, the table creaking under the weight.   
  
"I think he enjoys the attention," A soldier said quietly.   
  
"Do you think I can't hear you, you little shit?!"   
  
The boy's eyes went wide as Zack's attention fell on him. The SOLDIER growled once more and the boy turned instantly, exiting the bar before the rage could designate him as a new target.   
  
"I just felt as though you should learn the error of your ways, Zack," Cloud said. The SOLDIER's eyes fell on him again.   
  
"I will kill you. I will kill you a hundred times over and when I'm done I will kill you again."   
  
"You shouldn't take your soldiers so lightly. You wouldn't want a mutiny on your hands."   
  
"I will crush you into oblivion before a mutiny is even the slightest sliver of a dream of a thought in any of my soldier's minds!"   
  
"/You're/ the one who's--"   
  
Clouds words were cut as Zack lunged forward, toppling a chair in the process. The blond took off just as quickly, cursing quietly as he slid across the floor, his small size giving him the advantage over the hulking brute that followed. Together they broke through the group gathered at the door, all of who quickly followed behind.   
  
Using his speed and his knowledge of Zack's rage (the term "blinded by anger" was most obviously coined by someone who had been near the SOLDIER at a fairly bad time,) Cloud managed to take a corner in the small town before Zack could reach it, and disappeared from his sight.   
  
"You can't escape, Cloud! No matter where you go, no matter what you do, I will find you!"   
  
Backtracking slightly, Cloud spotted a small general store near the bar, and made his way to it without hesitation.   
  
He threw himself in, a handful of the soldiers already in hiding. Scrambling toward the window, Cloud watched as Zack stormed his trail, his fervor not yet spent. Another man appeared across the small street outside their safe haven.   
  
"The mayor," one soldier said behind him. Cloud's face fell.   
  
The mayor was only a few feet from Zack when they noticed each other. The older man froze in his spot, as did Zack. "Lieuten... " he paused, his eyes wide and painfully fixated on the other man's face.   
  
Zack's fighting stance dissolved. "Ah. Good evening, Sir."   
  
The mayor swallowed hard, turning his head to the side. "Is there ... something I can help you with?"   
  
Zack did his best to smile. "Oh, no, no, I'm just ... just, exercising a bit."   
  
"Ah," the mayor nodded, doing his best to seem understanding. "Well, uh, perhaps, at least while you're here ... you could ... exercise indoors?"   
  
The SOLDIER nodded politely. "Oh, by all means."   
  
Inside the shop, Cloud fell to his knees, his face covered by one hand. The other soldiers patted his back and laughed, congratulating him for his deeds. Cloud smiled as he hid his face, red from an embarrassment he wasn't sure was his. The soldiers were allied behind him now. He had found the nature of leadership. Childish pranks and the degrading of the commanding officer. He should write a book.   
  
  
  
Cloud took up camp inside one of the small farmhouse bedrooms. His unofficial promotion, which only really stood for the fact that he was being forced to do Zack's unwanted work, had given him plenty of papers to sort through. Release forms that needed checking, contracts between Antei and Shinra, the sort of pointless work that could only come from a high-nosed business turned military.   
  
The door opened behind him, and Cloud sat straight in his seat. He didn't need to turn to know who it was.   
  
"Oh, good, you're doing the reports?" Zack walked up behind him and took a small file. "This is all I need."   
  
The blond turned slowly. "That's all you need?" Where was the sword? Where was the rope and the tape and the various other tools of bondage that would be holding him together while the shit was beaten out of him?   
  
Zack nodded. "Yeah, I need to show the Mayor a few things before we call it a night." The SOLDIER stood next to him for a moment, engrossed in what he held. Cloud looked around nervously.   
  
"You're ... not going to kill me?"   
  
Zack looked to him with a smile, placing a hand on his head. "Kill you? Come now, Cloud, think a /little/ higher of me. I wouldn't /kill/ you. Hurt you, yes. Maim, possibly. Tie you upside down and leave you hanging from the rafters of the training room for weeks on end while I practice my aim, probably." he ruffled his spikes for a moment, his smile ceasing to fade. Cloud sank into his seat as Zack stepped back. "I have it all planned out, so don't worry yourself. Just wait until we get back to Midgar."   
  
The SOLDIER flashed another smile as he turned, lifting a white sheet from his shoulder. Cloud scowled. The damp towel dropped onto his head, and Cloud sat still, listening as the door opened and closed, and the room fell silent once more. He sighed. It was going to be a great week.   
  
  
------------------------------------------------------------- 


	8. Chapter 8

Forgotten Daze  
FF7 Fan Fiction   
  
Chapter 8  
  
  
-------------------------------------------------------------   
  
  
Cloud jogged slightly to catch up with Zack along the road. He had only paused for a moment, deciding to rest on the nearby fence overlooking the pastures. Zack looked over one shoulder as he approached from the side. "You know, I haven't done anything since we've gotten here," he said as he approached, "except fill out some papers you were too lazy to do yourself."   
  
Zack smiled and turned back to the road. "Easy job, isn't it? Just stand there and be cute."   
  
The blond soldier sighed inwardly, falling into line beside his friend. They hadn't seen hide nor tail of their supposed fellow Shinra nut since they arrived in Antei, but plans were apparently "under way," and until then, they were stuck on guard duty.   
  
Zack kept a rigorous pace on his rounds, but Cloud had kept up regardless, forcing himself to work as hard as he could in order to reap the benefits of the training.   
  
Alleged reaping was, he assumed, going to have to come eventually.   
  
A small outcropping of homes appeared at the bottom of the hill, their dirt road trek finally leading them back to what some would consider civilization.   
  
A short distance in front of them, a young boy ran past, disappearing behind one house. Children's voices could be heard. A few were laughing, but one rose above them all, and seemed to be yelling.   
  
Zack's interested seemed piqued, and Cloud grudgingly followed him further up the road, to where he could see between the houses.   
  
"Hey, Cloud," Zack said, nudging his friend as he reached his side again. Off to the side of the road, a group of young boys had formed a small circle, locking in what appeared to be another, decidedly smaller, boy cowering on the ground. The larger boys looked between themselves and back to their pray, who, through a slit between his adversaries, looked to Cloud and Zack to be doing his best to look serious, and hold back tears. "Doesn't this remind you of something?" he asked.   
  
Cloud examined the scene. "A bunch of kids picking on the smallest one?"   
  
"Yeah. Isn't this how we met?"   
  
The blond scowled. "You're making it a point this week to pick on me, aren't you?"   
  
Zack flashed his quick, infectious smile, and returned his attention to the children. It had happened once, Cloud thought, it would happen again. The SOLDIER left his side.   
  
"Well now," Zack said, approaching the circle. The boys looked to him with obvious annoyance, but judged his size accurately, and let him have their attention. "What do you all think you're doing?" He asked, looking around the circle.   
  
The boy in the middle stood at once, one arm quickly wiping his face as he looked to Zack with feigned anger. Cloud watched from behind, looking the boy over carefully. As if he hadn't seen that attitude somewhere before.   
  
"Nothing," one of the older kids answered, appearing unfazed by Zack's stature.   
  
"Nothing that involves /you,/" another boy echoed.   
  
The young boy in the center remained silent, his eyes purposely diverted from Zack. He continued to sniffle, and occasionally wiped the minute amount of blood from his cut lip. Cloud was almost embarrassed. Was this how he looked?   
  
Zack chuckled softly, shaking his head. "There's something you should know about me," he started, still smiling. "See, I have this code about not picking on someone smaller and weaker than yourself."   
  
One of the kids scoffed. "Mind your own business, then."   
  
"I can assume this boy did something so terrible as to deserve to be grossly outnumbered by adversaries?"   
  
"He /said/ mind your own business," one spat.   
  
"Maybe you don't understand," Zack continued, "How would you like it if /I/ took you on?"   
  
There was a brief silence as the idea passed through the group, but one boy's laugh snapped them out of it.   
  
"I'm sure it would look good for an adult to beat up a kid," one said. "Besides, wouldn't it be 'against your code'?"   
  
Zack's smile was peaked. "Another thing you should know about me," he said, grabbing one boy by the collar of his shirt, sending the remaining boys into a collective gasp, "is that I never stick to a code."   
  
The boys broke their circle at once, hesitating to scatter as they watched Zack's malevolent smile grow, and the smarmy, self-assured grin on their friend completely melt.   
  
"What are you doing?!"   
  
"He's going to kill him!"   
  
"What the hell are you doing?!"   
  
Zack had the boy from the center's attention now, his attempt to save his pride completely forgotten as he watched Zack threaten his enemies.   
  
"See, I could break you in two if I wanted," Zack said, seeming to gain immense satisfaction out of the color of the boy's face. "But, according to what some consider to be set social rules, a man of my age, my strength, and my position, pulling you apart wouldn't go over well."   
  
Half of the boys had fled, but the remaining watched Zack with intense fear. Their former pray continued to watch with wide eyes.   
  
Cloud grumbled to himself as he realized he had to help. Reluctantly, he walked past his friend and to where the circle once was, flashing a simple glance to his remaining foes. They left in an instant.   
  
"O-Okay--I--"   
  
"I'm not done," Zack said, giving his captured a quick jostle. "Now, see how bad you feel knowing that I'm going to kick your ass? You haven't got a chance. If I was one of your other brain dead lackeys, then you wouldn't be so terrified. You see the benefits of not picking on someone half your size? You don't bother them, and a giant, terrorizing SOLDIER won't decide to hurt you simply to prove a point."   
  
"Oh god," Cloud muttered. The fomerly terrorized young boy looked up to him, his eyes still wide.   
  
"Do you understand?" Zack asked, peering down at the boy he still held with only one hand.   
  
"Y-Yeah,"   
  
"Good," Zack said, setting him back on his feet. The boy wobbled backwards for a moment, watching his attacker in case of another strike. "Then get out of here, and make sure you and you friends don't ever do something so pathetic ever again."   
  
The boy hesitated a moment before turning and running off. The SOLDIER turned to Cloud.   
  
"'I never stick to a code.' You practice all of this ahead of time, don't you?" Cloud asked. Zack's grin was far from spent.   
  
"It's my civic, Shinra duty, Spike."   
  
Cloud shook his head.   
  
" ... S-Shinra?" the young boy asked, his voice nearly muted. Both men turned to him, having forgotten of him in the pseudo battle. The boy stood off to the side, looking to them both in mild apprehension. "You're from ... Shinra?"   
  
Zack smiled as he walked to Cloud's side, completing their elite soldier duo. "Sure are!"   
  
The boy stood, slowly looking back and forth between them. " ... Why did you do that?"   
  
"You looked a bit outnumbered."   
  
"I was fine … " the boy looked to the ground.   
  
"Then consider it something entirely out of your control," Zack said, frowning slightly. Cloud watched him sidelong. He sighed, running a hand through his hair as he built up his speech. "None of us can say what would have happened, but I made the decision to step in. Therefore … it says nothing about your own ability, or your lack thereof. You have to take it as it is."   
  
Zack glanced to Cloud, who turned away. The young boy looked up to him curiously, somewhat understanding his words, but also understanding that it wasn't entirely directed at him.   
  
"Huh?"   
  
The SOLDIER turned back, instantly remembering the boy. "Nothing. Just-- you okay?"   
  
The boy stood silently for a moment more. " … Yeah, I think so." he looked between the soldiers as he slowly let his guard down. "If you're from Shinra … does that mean you're SOLDIERs?"   
  
Zack laughed, kneeling down to the boy's level. "First class."   
  
"You're the soldier's that came to help us?" he asked, his voice full of a sudden intensity. Zack nodded. The boy lit up.   
  
"What's your name, kid?"   
  
"Rainer!" The boy's smile continued to grow as he watched both men in awe.   
  
"Well, where do you live, Rainer? We should get you home to your parents."   
  
The boy smiled widely and began to lead the way, opening completely in the news of his savor's (or at least one of his savior's) position. He walked quickly, talking all the way, his previous personality all but forgotten.   
  
"You think you could teach me to fight? If I'm stronger then I can fight for myself next time!" The boy's eyes were light and clear as he spoke, this time walking backwards so he could gauge his new idol's reactions.   
  
"I don't know," Zack said, putting a hand to his chin. "What do you think Cloud? Do we have time to take on an apprentice?"   
  
Cloud smiled slightly as the boy's expression continued to grow brighter. "Gee, I don't know Zack, I'd have to say that would be your decision."   
"Well, do you know any moves?" Zack asked. Rainer continued his slightly awkward walk, trying both to avoid the rocks he couldn't see, and keep up with the much taller men, and shook his head.   
  
"Your father never taught you any defensive moves?" the SOLDIER asked, somewhat surprised.   
  
"Nah, my father moved out of Antei after I was born."   
  
"Oh." Zack forced a smile at the boy's nonchalance. "I guess that means we get to work with a clean slate, then."   
  
The boy stumbled slightly as he beamed and finally turned around once more, continuing to lead the two men to his home.   
  
  
  
Cloud could tell from the second Rainer opened the door that it was a bad idea. His young mother sat in the small living room, a book in her hand, looking to the door in question. There was a set expression of serenity and kindness in her features, her long hair tied up messily in a fashion that, despite her best intentions, fitted her so perfectly that it only emphasized her best features, and she had the inexplicable nurturing charm that could be felt by merely watching her stand and smile.   
  
And she was single. Cloud held in a nearly audible groan.   
  
"Rainer? Who are these two?" his mother walked to her son, smiling at both strangers.   
  
"They're SOLDIERs!" Rainer said, dropping his bag by the door as he ran to his mom's side. He looked back to them, grinning. "They helped me out just now."   
  
His mother's expression fell slightly as she looked him over, noticing the slight dark spot under his nose, the boy having never bothered to wipe the excess blood. "Oh, Rainer, not the boys from school again."   
  
"No, it's okay!" the boy exclaimed. "Zack made sure they won't bother me again."   
  
Cloud rolled his eyes. "You're such a hero," he muttered.   
  
"And you're such an embittered little man," Zack replied under his breath, holding his smile for the family.   
  
"Thank you," his mother said sweetly, smiling to Zack. "Maybe you two would like to stay for dinner? As a token of thanks. It's just about ready."   
  
"Ah, we'd be honored!" Zack said, entering the house and rapidly approaching her side.   
  
Cloud watched the scene, his worst fears suddenly true. Rainer looked back to him, motioning him to enter as well with a large, carefree smile. Cloud did his best to share his feelings, and walked after them.   
  
  
  
--------------------------------   
  
  
  
Cloud fell onto the couch, his expression dark. Zack continued to laugh madly, the young boy by his side. It was almost hard to tell them apart.   
  
"Aw, don't be mad, Spike," he said through a massive grin, looking up to Cloud.   
  
Rainer smiled as well. "Yeah, don't be mad, Spike!"   
  
"I'm sure there are lots of people who couldn't play charades to save their lives!"   
  
Cloud glowered slightly, which only encouraged Rainer and Zack.   
  
Rainer's mother walked into the living room, watching the group happily. "Come on Rainer, it's getting late. We can't have them walk all the way home in the dark."   
  
Rainer looked to his mother with instantly wet eyes. "But we're not done playing!"   
  
"Your mother's right," Zack said, standing. "We've got to get heading back soon."   
  
The young boy pouted crossly, his eyes locked on the floor in defiance.   
  
"Come on now, don't be like that," his mother reasoned softly. Rainer's sneer only grew.   
  
"We'll see you tomorrow, okay?" Zack said. Rainer looked to him, his anger gone.   
  
"But I have school tomorrow!"   
  
His mother sighed and placed her hand on his shoulder. "Rainer, I'm sure they would stay if they could, but its dangerous outside at night. You wouldn't want them to be hurt trying to get home, now, would you?"   
  
The boy's eyes suddenly lit up. "Why don't you spend the night here, then? It would be okay, right?" he looked to his mother.   
  
His mother sighed, smiling slightly. "Rainer..."   
  
"No, we wouldn't want to intrude like that," Zack said.   
  
"But it's okay, right?" He looked desperately between the SOLDIER and his mother.   
  
"Of course it would be, but maybe they want to go back to their /own/ rooms."   
  
"No!" Rainer looked to Cloud, his anger returning. "Don't you want to stay here?"   
  
The blond was flustered as they all turned to him, the decision suddenly on his shoulders. "Oh, well … we would, but--"   
  
"So you /will!/"   
  
"No, I--"   
  
"Rainer," Zack stepped forward, pulling Cloud out of the spotlight. "We will just this once, but only because it's gotten so late out. Who knows, maybe this'll save us, we wouldn't want to run into any certain people in the dark."   
  
Rainer smiled. "Good! Okay! You can stay in the guest room down the hall!" the boy took off, expecting the two to follow. His mother smiled.   
  
"Thank you."   
  
Zack returned it. Cloud glared and pulled his friend down the hall.   
  
"I hope you know that we've been invited to stay with /Rainer./ /Not/ his mother," he said once they were out of earshot.   
  
Zack sighed. "I know, I know. Fate's cruel that way."   
  
Cloud brought a hand to his forehead. "The world might end if I ever found someone you weren't attracted to."   
  
Zack laughed and slapped him playfully on the back, pushing him down the hall.   
  
  
--------------------------------   
  
  
Rainer opened the door, smiling. "There are blankets in the closet! My room's right down the hall so if you need anything you know where to find me!"   
  
The boy continued to beam even as he made his way down the hall, leaving the two men standing in the doorway.   
  
"Uh," Cloud stuck his head through the door, surveying the room. "I call the ... um, bed."   
  
Zack stepped through the threshold, one hand scratching his head. "Do they actually except someone to be able to fit on that loveseat?"   
  
Cloud made his way to the bed, testing the springs as he bounced slightly. "There's always the couch in the living room," he said, "but you'd have to share it with the dog."   
  
The SOLDIER walked to Cloud's side. "This isn't going to work."   
  
The blond looked up to him.   
  
"I get the bed."   
  
"I already called it."   
  
"You're the only one of us that could possibly fit on the loveseat!" Zack cried, pointing to the worn in, yellowed couch.   
  
Cloud frowned. "Just because you were to slow to call anything better doesn't mean--"   
  
"I will /beat/ you off if I have to," Zack threatened, reaching for an arm.   
  
"You can't always have it your way just because you're stronger than me!" Cloud said, struggling as he was pulled to his feet.   
  
"Watch me!" Zack said, easily overpowering the blond. Cloud tripped over one foot as Zack pushed him away from the bed, landing on the floor with little grace.   
  
"What about all this 'never pick on those who are weaker' business?" Cloud asked from the floor.   
  
Zack scowled. "How many times do I have to tell you--"   
  
"And why am I always the exception to every rule you have?"   
  
"Look--"   
  
"I'm not sleeping on the loveseat! Or the floor! Or anywhere other than the bed that /I/ already claimed!"   
  
"You can't claim a bed, Cloud."   
  
"Then why should you get it, while I don't?"   
  
"Because I'm your superior officer, that's why!"   
  
"Why are you only my superior officer when you want something?"   
  
Zack turned down the bed, frowning. "Fine, if you're going to complain so much, then you can just sleep facing the other way."   
  
Cloud looked down at the bed. "You'll take up the whole thing."   
  
"Do you want to sleep on it or not?!"   
  
"Fine!" Cloud grabbed one end of the blanket.   
  
"Fine!" Zack echoed, meeting the blond's glare.   
  
Cloud forced himself into the small space, pulling a shared blanket that refused to move. Zack growled from the other end, determined to hold on to the small territory.   
  
"You can't make anything easy, can you?" Cloud mumbled, giving up the futile effort.   
  
"You can't do anything without making some kind of remark, can you?"   
  
Cloud sneered, wrapping his arms around his chest to keep warm. "I don't know why it's so hard anyway, you should be used to sharing a bed with someone by now."   
  
Zack sat up, the comment obviously irking him. "Why are you so hung up on the Rainer's mother thing?"   
  
"I'm not!" he sat up as well. "I just want part of the damn blanket!" the blond tried to pull the corner further, but it remained steadfast.   
  
"Should I start using /your/ personal information to try and weasel myself another few inches of blanket?"   
  
Cloud laid down once more, turned away from Zack. "I don't remember ever saying I wanted to share a blanket with you in the first place."   
  
"Oh, I'm sorry," Zack said, far too loudly, "I forgot I'm not /Sephiroth./"   
  
Cloud aimed one foot in the direction from which the voice came. He kicked madly into the empty air before it was caught.   
  
"Oh like you wouldn't like it," Zack joked, tossing his foot off one side of the bed. With no outlet for physical violence, Cloud growled and tucked his legs under him.   
  
"You're such a bastard," he said, lowering his voice in hopes that Zack would follow his lead. It was a terribly small house.   
  
"What?" Zack asked, his voice still loud. "You can seemingly make it your duty to give me the business on what you consider to be my slight promiscuity, but if I so much as bring up a--"   
  
"Zack!" Cloud hissed, sitting up. If the entire house couldn't hear them, it would be a miracle. Zack sat up as well, all the more determined to finish his speech.   
  
"--So much as bring up a /crush/--"   
  
"/Zack./"   
  
"--bring up a /crush/ you have on--"   
  
"I will /kill/ you."   
  
"--you have on /Sephiroth/--"   
  
"/Zack!/"   
  
"--and suddenly that's /bad?!/"   
  
"Arrgh!" Cloud made a mad dive for his friends throat, and was instantly thrown aside. Zack scowled at the pathetic attempt, sending Cloud further into his rage. He snatched a pillow from behind the SOLDIER and brought it to his face, doing his best to smother the villain into oblivion.   
  
Without so much as a flinch, Zack pushed him away, taking the pillow from his hands and placing it back into its rightful position. "I'll ignore that little attempt for now, Strife. But you mess up my bedding once more and I'll have to file it along with all your other little endeavors since we've gotten here."   
  
"I just want a blanket!" Cloud yelled. Zack watched him with a smile. Cloud scowled. "Damn you and your high spirits."   
  
"Fine, take it," Zack spread the blanket out further, allowing Cloud to take as much as he needed. He sighed as the blond's anger remained. "All right, I'm sorry for using Sephiroth against you."   
  
Cloud flashed a quick glare over one shoulder as he set up his pillow. He turned away again. "I'm sorry for bringing up the fact that you want to go to bed with every person you meet."   
  
Zack pulled the blanket back, exposing Cloud. The blond snarled and grabbed his end, the resulting tug-of-war resulting in Zack's laughter, and Cloud's enduring anger.   
  
"You've really got to lighten up," Zack said, letting the blanket go.   
  
The blond glowered for a moment, gathering up his side of the blanket. Zack was suddenly quiet, but Cloud ignored it as best he could, fixing his pillow once more.   
  
"Hey, Cloud," Zack's voice had lost it's intensity slightly, and Cloud was forced to look to him, his tone slightly unsettling. Zack's expression had fallen, it was suddenly soft, almost serious. It was a rare emotion, Cloud knew, and his attention was peaked in an instant. "About Sephiroth ... Really, you're still ... you still ... "   
  
Cloud cocked his head slightly. "I still?"   
  
The SOLDIER smiled briefly, an attempt to show him that it was still all in good humor. Cloud knew better. "I mean, you still, you know, have a thing for him?"   
  
The blond locked around the room slowly in realization of how awkward the situation had become, but there was no way out. His gaze returned to Zack, who sat in silence, waiting for an answer. Cloud knew he had to speak.   
  
"Well, aren't you the one who said that ... that every soldier that comes here loves him in some way?"   
  
Zack sighed, but appeared as though the answer wasn't at all what he wanted. "Yeah, and it's true, but ... you know what I mean."   
  
Cloud eyed his friend suspiciously, but Zack kept his gaze diverted. "Why do you want to know?"   
  
The dark haired soldier turned on him instantly. "Can't I just want to know?!"   
  
"Okay!" Cloud held up his hands in defense before letting them drop, realizing he had to answer the question. "Well, I mean ... you know ... maybe a little, but--"   
  
"No," Zack said, a smile surfacing again. "you don't have to explain it." Cloud looked to him again, but his expression quickly dropped back into seriousness, and Cloud shifted uncomfortably, working up the nerve to speak once more. "It's just," Zack started again, "I don't know ... I just ... I think it's really ... dumb."   
  
He met Cloud's gaze this time, waiting for a reaction.   
  
"Dumb?"   
  
"Yeah."   
  
"Excuse me?" Cloud couldn't help the sudden anger that began to rise. It was enough to be forced to talk about something he was embarrassed to even /think/ about, but all this time Zack had acted as though he were the only one who understood, and that he was the one person he could talk to about it, and now he was being /criticized/ for it?   
  
"You don't know what he's really like." Zack said flatly. Cloud was sure his expression spoke for itself, but his friend ignored it and continued to speak. "Everyone thinks he's some god, like they'd be blessed just to have him speak to them."   
  
The young recruit sat in a mild stupor. Was he being /reprimanded?/   
  
Zack only continued his markedly out of character speech. "He's not ... he's not what you want him to be."   
  
"Zack--"   
  
"No, listen. I know how you feel, I know what you've built him up to be, I really do understand that, but it's not him. If it were anyone else I'd be happy to support you and do whatever I could for you, but I know Sephiroth, I know what he's like, and I know that what you think he's like couldn't possibly be the true him."   
  
The small room was quiet for a moment while Zack waited for a response. Cloud sighed, rustling his spikes with one hand. "Zack," he said, mimicking his friend's somber tone, "you think I don't understand that?"   
  
The SOLDIER watched him intently, the subject seeming to hold some importance to him.   
  
Almost unconsciously, Cloud laughed. "If you think that ... that I expect something ... It's not as if I don't know what my reality is. You have to know me better than to think I'd ... I'd /pursue/ him. I mean, you don't have to warn me about the consequences ... of a crush, because it's just that."   
  
Zack hugged his knees to his chest, letting his chin rest on top. " ... I'm sorry. I just ... I've seen it a lot. I don't ... I don't think you deserve to be hurt."   
  
There was another silence. Cloud shifted slightly, examining his friend. "What the hell is up with you and your mood swings?"   
  
Zack growled and pulled the blankets up, lying down on his side, away from Cloud. "Fine. See if I ever try to help you again."   
  
Cloud pulled his ends of the blankets from Zack, turning opposite him as well. "See if I ever ... leave Midgar with you again."   
  
He thought he could hear Zack laugh quietly into his pillow. "Ouch."   
  
  
--------------------------------   
  
  
Cloud slumped down on the couch, rubbing one eye. Rainer bounced around the room, talking almost as fast as he moved. Even /with/ sleep it was hard to function at dawn, Cloud thought, it was only harder with an insane SOLDIER and his schedule, and nearly impossible when he was matched up with another hyperactive child.   
  
The young boy jumped onto the couch suddenly, leaning on the arm and gazing up to Cloud with a wide grin. "What's it like in Midgar?" he asked.   
  
"Well, uh," Cloud fumbled for a moment, looking around the room for support from Zack. The SOLDIER stood a few feet off, the same look of inquiry on his face as on the child. The blond scowled quickly, before turning back to the boy. "Well, I've only been there a few months, actually, so I haven't had much time to go out in the city--"   
  
"Is it bigger than Antei?"   
  
Cloud stammered for a moment, his speech interrupted. "Ah, it's, it's a lot bigger. In fact--"   
  
"What about all the people there? We know everyone that lives here, I heard in towns like Midgar there are so many people you couldn't possibly even meet them all!" the boy's eyes were wide as he spoke.   
  
"Well, no. I mean, yeah, there are a lot of people there--"   
  
"What about girls? Are there a lot there?"   
  
"Yes, there are just as many girls there as there are--"   
  
"Do you have a girlfriend?"   
  
"Uh, well," Cloud looked to Zack once more, his desperation growing along with the SOLDIER's massive grin.   
  
"Cloud's a little too ... /busy/ for a relationship," Zack said, walking up to the boy.   
  
Rainer gave him a short look of question, but sensed his breakfast, and took off with a jolt. Zack smiled after him and sat down in his spot, next to Cloud.   
  
"Isn't it remarkable?" he said softly.   
  
"What?"   
  
"Rainer."   
  
Cloud watched the boy down his breakfast, his energy building all the time. "What about him?"   
  
"You don't see any resemblance?"   
  
The blond closed his eyes. "I don't think I'm that lively."   
  
Although he couldn't see it, Cloud was sure Zack's massive grin was as full as ever. "The similarities between you two when confronted are more than obvious," he began, deepening his voice to sound more professional. "One would say he could be your … /foil./"   
  
"So Zack's taken a literary class, I'll admit I'm impressed."   
  
"That meaning," he continued, ignoring the blond, "not just that the two of you are similar because of these actions, but more importantly, that you are /different./ Rainer chooses to be happy after the incident, while you choose to remain downtrodden, introspective, and without a sliver of self-worth or respect to be seen, yet still unwilling to lose your pride. Judging from the uncanny similarities, both conclusions can be reached from these self-deprecating actions with others. In the end, how you act must then be an entirely conscious decision. Learn well from this motif, Spike, learn well."   
  
Cloud glared.   
  
"Do you two want anything to eat?" Rainer's mother asked, standing next to her son. Zack quickly broke into a smile, standing as he was addressed. Cloud turned his head, gagging mentally.   
  
"No, thank you."   
  
"Did you both sleep well?" She asked.   
  
"We slept … as well as we could," Cloud answered, forcing himself not to look at Zack.   
  
"That's good. I hope the foldout wasn't too much trouble to open."   
  
Cloud's expression darkened.   
  
"It was fine," Zack said. She smiled at them both and returned to the kitchen.   
  
"Something in this world hates me," Cloud mumbled. Zack sighed.   
  
Rainer began to get ready for school, his energy only increasing. His mother stood near them, watching her son's cheerfulness with her own contentment.   
  
"Are you sure I can't get you anything?" She asked. Zack looked up to her, smiling.   
  
"No, we really need to be heading out, anyway. We are on duty, you know."   
  
"Of course. Thank you for all you've done, you're welcome back here any time."   
  
Cloud stood and walked to the door, too disgusted to watch Zack any longer.   
  
"I'll come by the farm you're staying at tomorrow!" Rainer said loudly.   
  
Zack laughed. "All right, we'll be waiting."   
  
Both Rainer and his mother saw them off at the door, the latter of the two seeming completely ignorant to Zack's more than obvious intentions. Cloud stood off to the side, attempting to listen to Rainer, who continually tugged the bottom of his shirt, while most of his attention fell on Zack, creating an unconscious scowl that Rainer tried to decipher.   
  
"We'll be here a few weeks, more than likely," Zack said.   
  
"Well we'd love to have you back again."   
  
"Oh, well I--"   
  
"Zack." Cloud stepped away from the boy. Zack turned to him, and back to Rainer's mother.   
  
"We've gotta get going. It was a pleasure to meet both of you."   
  
Cloud nearly groaned out loud, hoping he wouldn't bow.   
  
The two men began their journey back, the early morning silent around them. Cloud radiated heat as he walked, turned away from Zack as well as he could in order to continue walking a straight line. He wasn't even sure that he didn't want Zack to notice.   
  
"What's wrong?" The SOLDIER asked. Cloud scowled, nervous anxiety building in him slightly as he thought of the words he wanted to speak.   
  
"I can't believe you."   
  
"What?"   
  
"How you acted back there. To Rainer's mother. It's disgusting."   
  
"What did I do? I was nice to her, I'm not going to be disrespectful while she's letting us stay in her house."   
  
"Only because you wanted to get her into bed!" Cloud snapped, turning on his friend. Zack stopped mid-step, looking dumbfounded.   
  
"What's wrong with you this morning?" he asked quietly.   
  
Cloud nearly laughed. "I don't know. I guess it's because ... I think it's really /dumb,/ Zack."   
  
The SOLDIER recognized the words. "What--Cloud, what's going on?"   
  
Cloud shook his head, suddenly mad at himself as well. "Nothing. Forget it. I'm talking a walk."   
  
Zack remained in his place for a moment, watching as Cloud walked off.   
  
  
-------------------------------------------------------------   
  
  
"What in the hell is going /on?!/" Cloud yelled, displacing his anger on a nearby stone, which went flying down the dirt road. The road was silent around him, and the blond couldn't help as his thoughts began to overwhelm him. "First he makes me do his paperwork. Then when I get back at him by doing something /he/ would have done to me if he had just thought of it first, I get in trouble and will apparently be /killed/ when we get back to Midgar and out of the public's eye!"   
  
A cow, which had wandered it's way to the fence, watched him with dark, lethargic eyes as he stormed past, his tirade far from spent.   
  
"Of course I do it all with a smile. Or at least not a murderous vengeance, like most people in my position would. And then what? He gives me the business on some /stupid/ pathetic ... /obsession,/ while he goes off dreaming about every last human being that so much as walks past him!"   
  
Cloud paused abruptly, his eyes fixed on the ground. He clenched one fist suddenly as his anger peaked. "Why am I so mad?!" he cried to the fields. "Why does it have to bother me so much?! What about the waitress from the restaurant last week? Or the doctor from the health spa? Or that radio technician who just came from Junon?"   
  
He stared out into the green, waiting for a response. Finally he bowed his head. "... None of them were the mother of some poor little boy he seemed so interested in helping until he found out that she was single, I guess."   
  
Cloud sighed heavily, ruffling his spikes, and began to walk again in silence. The farmhouse was close, and he looked to its dark and foreboding windows, knowing that he would eventually have to go inside.   
  
He continued to walk, doing his best to calm himself. "It's not that big of a deal," he said to himself quietly, somewhat comforted by hearing himself say it, "I'll live with it. It's not the first time, it won't be the last time. I just have to move on with my life."   
  
With renewed determination, Cloud made his way to the farmhouse, ready to face Zack once more.   
  
  
-------------------------------------------------------------   
  
  
Cloud entered the room silently, casting a quick glance to Zack and the other anonymous soldier who had taken a position at the same table. Zack smiled, but the blond continued to move, walking across the room until he stood by the window.   
  
"Something wrong?" Zack asked. Cloud did his best to ignore him, shrugging the question off.   
  
"So, they didn't mind letting you stay?" the soldier asked, resuming their conversation.   
  
"Oh, no. The kid wouldn't have had it any other way."   
  
The soldier laughed quietly, nodding. "It must be nice to be able to take little mini-vacations while on assignment."   
  
Zack did his best to scowl, which was, in comparison, only a slight grin. "Well it's not like it was tremendously fun. Cloud was too busy giving me hell over the kid's mother." The other soldier smiled. Cloud frowned from across the room.   
  
"You /still/ don't even know her /name,/" he said gruffly. At this the other soldier laughed, but Zack's smile was constant.   
  
"I didn't even /do/ anything," he said.   
  
The blond grunted a low response, determined to hold on to his annoyance.   
  
"Was she good looking?" the other soldier asked.   
  
Zack grinned. "Of course!" he sat back in his chair thoughtfully. "She had that ... kind of sweet, caring, nurturing feeling, too."   
  
"Ah," the soldier leaned forward, nodding his assent. "The kind of innocence that one's determined to corrupt?"   
  
From across the room, Cloud's arms fell to his side as he let out an exasperated sigh, turning to the two men. "That's disgusting."   
  
The SOLDIER merely laughed, the new recruit at his side rising in his esteem a full step.   
  
"Oh come on, Cloud, get over it. You shouldn't let it be such a problem."   
  
"What? I'm totally fine!" Cloud cried, looking to their table in mild desperation. "/You/ just keep bringing it up and saying horrible things about corrupting some poor old single mother you met for one night who's name you don't even know!"   
  
"I'm just joking around. There's no need to be so jealous."   
  
"What?! I'm not--"   
  
The two men began to laugh again, oblivious to Cloud's expression, which had turned a decidedly more crimson shade.   
  
"Wait," Zack moved in his spot, leaning over to catch Cloud in his sight. "Are you blushing?"   
  
The other soldier's laughter only continued, and Cloud turned instantly, his eyes wide. "No! I'm--I'm angry!"   
  
"Cloud! You're blushing!"   
  
The blond struggled with words for a moment, his color only darkening. "I'm not blushing!"   
  
"Oh, Cloud, Cloud, Cloud ... " Zack said, shaking his head.   
  
"I'm--"   
  
"You don't have to /lie/ to me, Spike."   
  
"No, I--" Cloud fumbled madly, "I'm--" he stopped abruptly, his fists clenched at his side as he bit the inside of his cheek. Across the room, Zack and the soldier returned to their conversation with high spirits, their words obviously not impacting them as much as it did him.   
  
Cloud took a step back, bringing one hand to his head to try and balance himself. It was just anger. What had he said before? Something about dealing with things? For reasons that continued to elude him, Cloud felt as he slowly slid down his rope, reaching the end far too quickly.   
  
" ... well I'm hoping we'll get going tomorrow, but with the way things are going with the mayor, we may be delayed even longer."   
  
"The longer we wait, the worse our chances of winning become."   
  
It was a matter of /principle,/ Cloud thought. The phrase comforted him, anyway. But then again, maybe it was. He was tired of being treated like a child.   
  
"Tell that to him."   
  
"I think I might have."   
  
He let his gaze settle on the window, forcing himself to breathe. If it shouldn't bother him as much as it was, then he shouldn't /let it./ Cloud nodded to himself, but felt as the words fell to the ground, completely meaningless in his advanced state of frenzy.   
  
"The man seems almost physically attached to his money."   
  
"You'd think he'd be a little more eager to let us help him save the entire town. If it gets destroyed, there won't be any money left."   
  
Dealing with things was a two way street, he decided. As long as Zack stopped, he could stop.   
  
"I'll go back and see him tomorrow morning. If he doesn't agree to sign the papers, I'll tell him that we'll pack up and go home."   
  
"Right. Good. So, Cloud ... you good now?" Zack asked, his tone informal. "No more little jealous outbursts?"   
  
Cloud felt it snap. Whoever considered these things to be figurative was only lying to himself. "I'm not /jealous!!/" he cried, lurching forward in anger.   
  
Both men were silenced instantly, but only Zack seemed concerned, far more knowledgeable of Cloud than the other, who only grinned again.   
  
Cloud closed his eyes tightly, gritting his teeth as he started off across the room. His cheeks pounded with blood every step.   
  
"Hey, Cloud--"   
  
The blond ignored him as he reached the door, pulling it open with as much vehemence as the action allowed.   
  
"Hey!" Zack called. "What's your problem today? Cloud! Come back!"   
  
Cloud slammed the door behind him, sliding down it slowly until his face was buried in his knees. The room was silent behind him.   
  
  
-------------------------------------------------------------  



	9. Chapter 9

Forgotten Daze  
FF7 Fan Fiction   
  
Chapter 9  
  
----------------------------------------------------------------------   
  
Zack slunk into his room silently, closing the door behind him so as not to wake anyone else in the house. He paused after the action, one hand still on the door, and let his forehead rest lightly against it. His thoughts had been muddled for days now, and the silence of the house threatened to sort them.   
  
He wasn't even sure what emotion it was that had been plaguing him ever since Cloud had stopped talking. He hadn't allowed himself to dwell on it long enough to be able to define it. There was something about the ambiguity of his emotions that made him feel better. As long as he could stay neutral, impartial to everything that was happening, the less he would have to deal with reality.   
  
Zack pushed himself off of the door, turning slowly. The night was dark outside the farmhouse windows without the constant light of Midgar. It reminded of his home, a place that now seemed like an eternity away. The bittersweet memories that started to return to him only darkened his mood, and Zack scowled, forcing the thoughts away like all the others.   
  
He shouldn't be homesick. Zack slumped down on his bed before he fell on his back, staring out the nearby window. He was sure Cloud was homesick too. Hell, all of the soldiers Shinra had taken in had to be. Of course, it was more acceptable for those like Cloud to yearn for their homes. The entirety of Shinra had long ago decided that he himself was far too strong for such an emotion.   
  
Zack nearly laughed. The stigmas of SOLDIER? He was too young when he joined, he was /still/ too young. He had spent nights in the barracks when he first came to Midgar, he had heard the dismal, muted cries of the young boys around him. They had to be strong. They had to be something they weren't. Those same boys, the ones that shed tears when no one else looked, he had watched them grow along with him, and turn into the hardened examples of military force that they had become.   
  
A sickening notion came over him as he realized instantly what he had done. Even while trying to brood on something unrelated, he had drawn it back to what he least wanted to face. Every recruit that came grew up within a week, a /day,/ the very instant they saw their idol. /That/ was why he couldn't care about his family back in Gongaga, that was why he was driven so hard and degraded so badly while training, all because of his disposition that he had refused to change all during his training… He had to be the perfect SOLDIER, just like Sephiroth.   
  
But he wasn't. He wasn't like Sephiroth. He refused to be like Sephiroth. Zack sat up abruptly, sneering into the darkness. How had he let himself bring /three/ separate problems into one? He let out an exasperated sigh as he threw his legs over the side of his bed, resting his elbows on his knees as he buried his face in his hands.   
  
Damned if he was going to let himself brood over more than one thing.   
  
He relaxed slightly as he sat, his hands falling into his lap. He couldn't keep doing it. He had to do /something,/ he had to say something, tell Cloud something.   
  
Zack cursed out loud, and his hands went back to his face, rubbing his temples in a vain attempt to keep down the headache that was starting to form. What could he possibly think? What could he possibly think was going on?   
  
It was that thought alone that caused him to cringe, the familiar wave of emotions hitting him once more. Guilt, anxiety, remorse? Perhaps a dash of irony? Zack frowned. He was getting off topic.   
  
He knew that not telling the truth was just as bad as lying, but he couldn't get himself to believe it. What was he supposed to have done? Told Cloud the day he met him? The day he forced him to open up? The day he trapped him with his own words in order to squeeze the truth from him?   
  
Even after everything he had told him, the blond was still set on his fascination with their god-like general. Even though he understood everything he had said, that it was nothing but some distant, intangible feeling and ideal put onto a human face, that the two Sephiroths could never exist together, that it would do nothing but hurt him in the end, Cloud hadn't backed down.   
  
Maybe there truly was something else there. Cloud's determination, his shameless protection of a man he knew nothing about … perhaps it was something to be admired.   
  
That left himself, then. Zack strained silently, listening intently for other movement in the house. With the slight otherworldly feeling that he was the only one around for miles, Zack stood and walked for the door, opening it in silence. The hallway was soundless as well as he came upon the balcony doors, walking out into the night as quietly as he could.   
  
He sat on the cool wood, looking out over the dark fields. The chill night air relaxed him slightly, another reminder of his home and his childhood. His thoughts continued to fall, growing darker with the night.   
  
What could Cloud possibly think was going on? Telling him to stay away from Sephiroth as though he were some disobedient child. Cloud knew they were friends, what did that say? What could that mean? That he was better able to deal with Sephiroth's true nature than Cloud?   
  
Zack grimaced. That was almost believable. It seemed so obvious, it was such a glaring error, Cloud had to know. Was it why he was avoiding him? Had he finally crossed the line at Rainer's house, talking about Sephiroth once more, while Cloud knew what was between them?   
  
What he had told him was true. He didn't want to see him get hurt. But it wasn't just the reality of Sephiroth that would hurt him now. Cloud hadn't seen their general's true side yet, but he also hadn't seen his own.   
  
They were friends. /Friends,/ of course. Even Sephiroth himself had warned against naming it anything else. Zack ran a hand through his hair.   
  
How had he let something happen to the point where if he so much as told someone the truth, it would ruin everything? There was no chance to save himself, no clever lie he could make to change what was going on just so slightly that it might not hurt Cloud as much as it would. There was no excuse for simply leading the boy on, even regardless of his attempts to steer him away from his infatuation with Sephiroth.   
  
The night was long.   
  
----------------------------------------------------------------------   
  
Rainer stumbled back, tripping over his own feet and landing on the ground with a thump. The boy frowned, scrambling to his feet quickly and brushing the dust away.   
  
Zack smiled. "You should work on your balance, too."   
  
The boy didn't seem to share his amusement, and returned to his newly taught stance, waiting for the next lesson.   
  
Rainer had gotten the notion of becoming a SOLDIER stuck in his head, and although Zack found it almost morbid to watch a child so young try so desperately to wield a weapon, he wasn't one to smash a child's dreams, or turn down his demanding requests.   
  
Zack smiled unconsciously, imaging the boy with spikes. The situation was nearly identical. Well, more positive, anyway. Although he was sure the child could learn to worry himself to death and suffer inwardly if he really tried.   
  
The boy fumbled for a moment, unable to even keep a steady footing with the large weapon. /That/ hadn't been Zack's idea, the boy was merely fascinated that such a weapon could exist. Zack, not wanting to get into another discussion over why his weapon was completely functionless, let the boy have his way.   
  
"Isn't it hard to actually hit anything with the sharp end?" Rainer asked, swinging the sword around him with both hands. "Do you sometimes mess up and end up thwacking someone with the long side?" He asked again. Rainer's spinning slowed as he pondered for a moment, turning to Zack. "It's all for aesthetics, isn't it?"   
  
"Aesthetics?" Zack looked to the boy in disbelief.   
  
Rainer sighed. "Looks," He replied arrogantly.   
  
"I know what it means!" Zack growled. "But you shouldn't! And that's not why I use it!"   
  
Rainer shrugged and resumed his spin, holding the weapon outstretched in front of him. The force kept him going one turn too many, and the boy staggered back again, gracefully avoiding another crash to the ground.   
  
Zack felt eerily subdued as he watched the boy struggle. The entire situation was uncanny, too familiar. A brief insight flashed before him. Was he creating a surrogate Cloud to make up for the one who refused to so much as look in his direction? The boy attempted to lift the sword once more. This time the top-heavy weapon sent the boy backwards a few feet, before toppling him into his rear. The sword hit the dirt with a dull thud, and Rainer sat still, a look of anger and determination on his face as he glared down the instrument.   
  
No, he had agreed to meet Rainer again before Cloud gave him the cold shoulder. The boy kicked the sword away from his legs, struggling to stand once more. He looked to Zack, ready for whatever the SOLDIER had in store for him next.   
  
Zack forced a smiled again, holding up one hand to signal their stop, and moved to sit on a nearby patch of grass. Rainer's stance drooped, but he mimicked the older man's actions, taking his seat on the ground once more.   
  
There was a pleasant silence as they both rested. Zack was reasonably content as he looked away from the town and into the dark green horizon, but after only a few moments he heard Rainer fidgeting nearby. The SOLDIER was almost surprised that his attention span had outlasted the child's.   
  
"So, where's Cloud?" Rainer asked, examining a nearby stone.   
  
Zack hid a quick grimace. "He's … busy."   
  
The boy watched him curiously, a slight look of doubt in his eyes. Zack forced his expression to remain flat, and finally the boy accepted it, turning his attention back to the rock he held.   
  
"What are you guys going to do when you go back to Midgar?"   
  
Zack shrugged, smiling slightly. He hadn't realized how willing the boy was to accept Cloud as a SOLDIER. "Who knows. SOLDIER stuff, I suppose."   
  
The boy looked to him, grinning. "Do you think you'll still be there when I join?"   
  
Zack's smile grew, but he said nothing. The two continued their mock practice, Zack slowly coming to understand that the boy's interest in becoming a SOLDIER was based far more on spending time with himself and Cloud than it was a desire to join the ranks of Shinra.   
  
It was growing late in the afternoon when one of the smaller soldiers from Zack's makeshift platoon rounded the corner of the dirt road, waving to his commanding officer as he approached. Zack stood and walked toward him, closing the distance.   
  
"Sir."   
  
"What is it?"   
  
The soldier came to a stop in front of Zack. "You're wanted back in town. The mayor's called for you."   
  
The SOLDIER nodded. "He's finally come to a decision?"   
  
"It seems so," the young man broke his posture as he spoke, relaxing in his leader's nonchalant presence, "finally."   
  
"Thanks, I'll head down there in a bit."   
  
The younger man flashed a quick smile, and turned away, heading back to town. Zack watched him for a moment, quite aware that Rainer was at his side, listening intently.   
  
Zack sighed and looked down, meeting an awed expression.   
  
"What's going on?" Rainer asked.   
  
Zack put a hand on his head. "Nothing, I've got some business to take care of. I'll take you home first."   
  
He moved to grab his weapon, but Rainer stood still.   
  
"Where are you going?" he asked, determined.   
  
Zack looked to him over one shoulder. "I've got to meet with the mayor."   
  
"Why?"   
  
"Because he's called for me."   
  
"Why did he call for you?"   
  
"I don't know, that's why I'm going."   
  
The boy narrowed his eyes, relentless. "You told that soldier that you thought he came to a decision."   
  
Zack sighed. "Yes, I did."   
  
"So why are you going there? What's going on?"   
  
"We have business, Rainer."   
  
"Does it have to do with that SOLDIER somewhere in the mountains my mom talked about?"   
  
"Rainer … "   
  
"Yes?"   
  
Zack walked to the boy. "It's not anything important. Just forget about it."   
  
The boy pouted slightly, a thing which, regardless of which Cloud did it, manipulated him into submission.   
  
He sighed heavily, letting the tip of his sword his the ground. "Yes, it's about the SOLDIER. That's why we're here. Happy?"   
  
"No."   
  
Zack scowled and heaved his sword onto one shoulder, starting his walk back into town. Rainer followed closely.   
  
"What decision do you think the mayor's come to?" he asked. Zack only frowned. Rainer only repeated the question. "What decision is it? Why can't you tell me?"   
  
"It's not that I can't /tell/ you--"   
  
"Well if you can, then do it!"   
  
Zack stopped abruptly, turning on the boy. "You know, you're way too young to be so--"   
  
"You're way too old to act like my father and try to protect me from things I'm going to find out anyway!"   
  
The SOLDIER looked down to the boy. "Where did you learn to use people so well?"   
  
The boy grinned. "So you're going to tell me?"   
  
Zack mirrored the expression. "No."   
  
They continued their walk.   
  
----------------------------------------------------------------------   
  
Cloud opened the window as far as it would go. He had found the small strip of sun across the hardwood floor, and felt it imperative to place himself in it as best he could. The day was beautiful, it was weather like he hadn't seen in months. The sun seemed like a far off myth back in Midgar, and it was truly a remarkable thing to be able to inhale deeply and fully.   
  
There was also the hope that somehow the warm sunlight would force him out of his current state, although Cloud soon realized that even the warmth and contentment he soon felt couldn't stop the cold, sinking feeling that continued unabashedly within him.   
  
He hated the feeling. He hated the fact that it was simply because he was being too pig-headed to do anything or say anything that might resolve the issue that was causing him so much distress. He knew Zack, he knew how he acted. He knew that if he so much as approached him with the intention of apologizing for his strange behavior, Zack would pick up on it, grin madly, and the entire situation would be forgotten and forgiven without either of them speaking a single word.   
  
So why couldn't he do it? Why couldn't he just approach him? Cloud buried his face in his arms, blocking the sun from his eyes. How could he apologize for something when he didn't even understand what he had done? He didn't know why he felt the way he did, he didn't know why he had acted the way he did, and he sure as hell didn't understand why he was turning into such a large problem.   
  
There was something going on. Something that Zack hadn't told him. Maybe that was why it bothered him so much, that he knew Zack had something on his mind, that something important was going on, but he hadn't been told. Was he really that upset that Zack hadn't told him something, that he had a secret? Cloud assured himself that he wasn't.   
  
It was just the contradictions. That Zack could be so condescending as to condemn him for his feelings toward Sephiroth, yet turn around and make a fool out of himself in front of every somewhat attractive human being that crossed his path.   
  
He wanted to turn him away from Sephiroth. But why? They were friends, he had said it himself. Why would he be friends with someone if they were as terrible as he claimed? Cloud closed his eyes, hating the thought that came to his mind. Perhaps it was because … Zack wanted Sephiroth himself?   
  
The idea was sickening, yet it comforted him slightly. The jealousy was then at least placed in the right spot. Still, he hated to think such a thing.   
  
Cloud nearly groaned out loud, turning his head in dismay. He was being jealous, stupid, and stubborn. All he had to do was apologize for acting so strange and for getting so angry and everything would be fine.   
  
Cloud sighed as he stretched his arms outside the window, the afternoon sun warm on his face. He almost smiled as he thought, realizing how childish he truly was. It was so minor, so completely insignificant, yet he had worked it into so much.   
  
There were things far worse than minor tiffs with others, especially when the others happened to be one of the few people who cared about your well-being. His course of action was obvious, and Cloud hoped he had the nerve for such a confrontation. He also hoped that Zack was as forgiving as he gave him credit for.   
  
----------------------------------------------------------------------   
  
It was late in the day when Cloud came across Zack. He had left for a short walk, feeling slightly claustrophobic in the dilapidated house, and had inadvertently happened upon a set of black spikes in the distance.   
  
Cloud had turned quickly, more than willing to head back to his boredom, but caught himself, chastising himself for being so weak. With an immense reluctance, he had forced himself to continue the walk, bracing himself for what he knew wouldn't be nearly as intense as he imagined.   
  
Zack sat alone on the side of the dirt road, perched on top of a pasture fence. Cloud approached carefully, making sure the SOLDIER knew of his presence. Zack remained turned away, but he continued regardless.   
  
Dissolving the last bit of fear he still held, Cloud swiftly scaled the fence and sat down beside the dark haired man, following his gaze across the grass. He saw Zack turn out of the corner of his eyes, but continued to look forward.   
  
Zack's head drooped slightly as he returned to his view. "You okay?" he asked quietly.   
  
Cloud paused to give the question real thought. Finally he nodded, even though it couldn't be seen. "Yeah."   
  
Zack repeated the motion, and Cloud fell silent, thinking over his words. Finally he turned to his friend again. "I'm sorry for how I've been acting." The SOLDIER turned as well, meeting his eyes. "I guess I've just been … really stressed."   
  
They both turned away again, the words alleviating some slight tension between them. They were silent for some time before Zack finally answered.   
  
"Yeah, I can understand."   
  
Cloud's head drooped slightly. "And I guess I just can't deal with most of what's going on right now. Everything's coming to a head."   
  
There was another moment of silence.   
  
"Well … I'm sorry too." Zack said, his eyes focused ahead of him.   
  
"For what?" Cloud asked, almost surprised. For days now he had wanted his friend to apologize, but now that he finally had, the blond remembered that Zack hadn't done a thing.   
  
The SOLDIER remained silent, and Cloud began to grow fearful. Was something truly wrong?   
  
"Zack?"   
  
Zack shifted uncomfortably next to him. "You know … I don't normally …" he sighed and scratched his head, still looking forward. "I don't normally end up messing things up so much."   
  
Cloud paused for a moment, waiting for him to continue. He didn't. "What are you talking about?"   
  
The SOLDIER sighed and began what felt like Cloud to be a practiced monologue. "I've always been cursed with good luck. Being in the right place at the right time, getting away with things by the skin on my teeth, that sort of thing. I've always been careful and resourceful enough not to get myself into anything that … that could really ruin things. And I don't even mean just for myself."   
  
The blond looked to the ground, suddenly feeling embarrassed. What had he done? Zack fell silent once more, and Cloud worked up the courage to turn to him again.   
  
"Zack … ?"   
  
The SOLDIER didn't hear, and Cloud forced himself to speak again, nearly silent.   
  
" … You know I'm the introspective one, what's going on?"   
  
"Everything you said is right, you know," he said abruptly.   
  
Cloud watched him carefully, at a loss for where the conversation had turned. "What are you talking about?"   
  
Zack shook his head, frowning slightly. "About me. Everything you said."   
  
The blond tried to make sense of the words, the idea failing to penetrate. Zack only stared out into the fields, not avoiding his gaze, but simply looking, suddenly somber and melancholy.   
  
What had he said about him?   
  
Zack suddenly let out a short laugh, shaking his head. "God, I shouldn't … I shouldn't have ever …"   
  
Cloud felt the words come, unasked. "Shouldn't have ever what?"   
  
"Everything you said about me is true," He repeated emphatically, sliding off the fence and to his feet, watching him coldly. Cloud recoiled instantly, feeling the blood rush to his face as he was confronted. Zack shook his head in exasperation, turning away.   
  
"Zack, I'm…" he fumbled, suddenly nervous. "I'm sorry."   
  
Zack remained turned away, and Cloud felt his nerves break underneath him, the words beginning to slip easily.   
  
"I'm really tense lately, I can't help it," the blond continued. "This is my first real mission since I've gotten here, SOLDIER cuts are coming up in a matter of weeks and I'm in no shape to even /compete./ And you ... I mean ... I can't handle things sometimes, it's just you give me such a bad time about /my/ shit, but you can't even admit to /your/ shit!"   
  
From his vantage, the SOLDIER almost looked as though he were amused. "I guess we both just have too much shit, huh?"   
  
Cloud sighed, almost giving into a smile. "And I can't even give you a bad time about it! You're either more naïve than you give me a bad time for being, or you're so freakishly happy and content with your life that nothing can bother you!"   
  
"You know, they've probably had just as many meetings about my demeanor as they have about my hair," Zack said quietly. Cloud's slight smile began to fade as he noticed the lack of humor in his friend's voice. Anxiety picking up once more, Cloud looked around for support, and realized he was on his own.   
  
"Well--"   
  
"I'm just sorry," Zack cut in once more, still facing away. "Everything's gone to hell, and I can't even think of a way to blame anyone else for it."   
  
"Sorry for /what?/" Cloud asked, his confusion overtaking his emotions.   
  
"For what I've been doing," Zack answered.   
  
Cloud's eyes narrowed in increasing anger. "What have you been doing?"   
  
Zack turned suddenly, anger on his own face. Cloud's fell at once, surprised by the emotion.   
  
"I didn't want things to end up like this. I let things go too far."   
  
"What are you /talking/ about?" Cloud cried. "Give me a straight answer!"   
  
His tone, Cloud realized, didn't help the situation. Zack's gaze darkened. "It's not the easiest thing to talk about, Cloud," he stately flatly, the tone silencing the words that would have come from his mouth. Zack turned again, somber once more. "I almost think it would just be simpler to forget everything."   
  
Cloud slid off the fence slowly, staring at the ground by Zack's feet. Things were really that bad? He ruffled his spikes absentmindedly as the unnerving thought that the frenzy he had worked himself into over something he had finally convinced himself was miniscule was actually real only ruined his nerves further. The blond fought for words for a moment, before Zack began to leave.   
  
He was silent as he began to walk away, and Cloud followed suit, leaning back against a nearby post in the quiet afternoon.   
  
----------------------------------------------------------------------   
  
The streets were quiet in the early twilight, and Zack walked toward Rainer's home with more cheerfulness than he had for some time. Of course, that didn't go very far considering the sourness of his mood, but, Zack had to admit, it was /slightly/ better than it had been. He had never underestimated the sheer power of simply blocking out emotions and thoughts.   
  
He didn't want to think about what he had said, how Cloud was too sensitive for any sort of confrontation in the first place, and how he didn't deserve to have to deal with everything he had done. Zack paused in the road for a moment, realizing that thinking of what he /didn't/ want to think of was still thinking about it. He scowled and resumed his march, focusing his thoughts on the young boy he was going to visit, and the house that was now in view.   
  
As he approached, there was a sudden shuffle somewhere beyond his sight, and Zack stopped in his tracks, his ears perked. The sound ended just as soon as he stopped, and after a moment of listening, Zack continued, though much slower. Rainer didn't have nearly enough stealth training to sneak up on him yet.   
  
No sooner had he taken another step that the shuffle broke out again, slightly louder, like someone dragging their foot across the road. The SOLDIER did his best to identify where the sound had come from, somewhere in the back of the small alleyway between Rainer's home and the small, ramshackle building next door.   
  
Zack waited for the child to appear, sure that his patience would last longer. The road was completely silent in his hesitance, and a sudden twinge of anxiety hit him. With a firm determination, Zack stepped forward, ready to call out to the boy to end his game.   
  
A sudden pounding came from nearby, inside the boy's house. Zack stopped, looking to the door, which quickly flew open, an energetic Rainer bounding out.   
  
"You said you'd come at four!" the boy cried, struggling to appear angry. "It's almost eight! What were you … " The boy slowed to a stop, his words trailing off as he saw the look on the SOLDIER's face. Zack stood erect, his eyes focused on something behind the house. "What's going on?" Rainer asked quietly.   
  
Zack's dark expression didn't fade as he turned to the child. "Go back in the house."   
  
Rainer watched him in confusion for a moment, before turning back inside without question. Zack was behind the small home by the time the door slammed shut around front. With a sneer already set, preparing for some nightmarish rogue creature to appear from the mountains, Zack brandished his sword, looking for the imp.   
  
The alley was completely bare, and Zack waited for a moment in what quickly felt like exaggerated menace, before letting his weapon drop, sighing at his cartoonish situation.   
  
The SOLDIER turned to the setting sun, letting his sharpened nerves relax. His constant struggle to maintain the right perspective on their trip was failing. If he relaxed too much, he saw the shadows of their enemies around the corner. If he watched the road carefully, he ended up alone in a dead end with nothing in sight. He took a deep breath and hoisted the weapon back on his shoulder, letting his mind settle slightly before retrieving the boy.   
  
Suddenly the hair on the back of his neck bristled, a feeling of dread washing over him. Zack turned his head quickly, looking back to the house. The backdoor stood open, and all around him the fields were silent.   
  
----------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Cloud sat on the balcony overlooking the fields. The country night was quiet without the hum of reactors, something he hadn't been away from his entire life. Unaware of the time, Cloud had let himself stare off in a daze, his mind for once absent of troublesome thoughts.   
  
His earlier conversation with Zack had resolved few issues. The blond sighed at his own conclusion. As if a conversation that ends with a briefly alluded to problem only then brought to his attention and the storming off of his only friend could be so benign.   
  
Once again, Cloud realized, he was determined to be the better of them, and to simply never, ever, speak to him again. Such were the troubles of so called 'friendships,' the blond thought bitterly. Maybe he /had/ been justified in his desire to cut himself off from all such relationships. They were too much work, too draining, and far too complicated.   
  
Cloud stopped abruptly in his self-examination, realizing with futility that his thoughts had once again picked up their incessant desire to ruin all moments of silence he won.   
  
The blond hugged his knees to his chest and buried his face, mumbling to himself and thinking of someone to blame for his inability to simply let things go.   
  
Somewhere below him, the front door was slammed open, and heavy footsteps pounded through the house, searching madly. Cloud ignored it, looking back to the moon. What was that old cliché? This was the same moon everyone else looked at? He sighed inwardly, unsure who it was he wanted to share the view with.   
  
Low voices began to pick up their intensity around him, something of mild interest happening. Cloud shut his eyes. Whatever it was, he didn't care. He didn't want to be involved any longer, he didn't want to be Zack's partner here, he didn't want to have to be bothered with anything.   
  
The shuffle continued to move closer, the house waking up at once. Cloud found himself unconsciously straining to hear where they were headed. A low voice was speaking as doors opened and closed, and even through the walls he could hear the anxiety begin to mount.   
  
He forced himself back to the horizon, determined not to care.   
  
A low, muted voice could suddenly be heard clearly as a door opened. "Cloud?"   
  
The blond turned around, looking to the shut balcony door. He was being looked for?   
  
The voice cursed and shut the door to his room, and the footsteps picked up once more, heading away from where he sat. Cloud returned to looking out into the night, pushing away his interest in the situation. They could do without him, whatever it was. Contrary to recent, popular belief, he wasn't even a SOLDIER.   
  
The footsteps stopped suddenly, pausing in thought. Cloud knew at once which soldier it was, and held in an angry groan. The steps picked up once more, heading back towards him.   
  
"Cloud?" Zack opened the door slowly, looking to the blond.   
  
"What?" Cloud asked, his eyes on the horizon.   
  
"Come downstairs."   
  
The blond turned slowly, glowering slightly at the audacity of the request. Zack's expression was flat, and Cloud instantly understood the importance of the situation, his prior interior monologue forgotten. He stood and followed the SOLDIER inside.   
  
"What's going on?" he asked as they reached the stairs. Zack shook his head in front of him.   
  
"Everything's going to hell."   
  
Cloud continued to follow silently, his interest inadvertently peaked. He couldn't hold down the memories of their previous conversation, but he chastised himself quickly for being so selfish as to think it could have something to do with him.   
  
Together they reached the front door and walked into the lawn, already swarming with their fellow woken soldiers. At their entrance, they all turned, silenced immediately. The mayor stood a few feet away from the group, his pajamas tucked into a pair of dress pants, and a wild, frenzied look on his face.   
  
Cloud now hoped to god it /wasn't/ about him.   
  
"What's going on?" he asked, stopping behind as Zack reached the soldiers. The mayor looked to him fearfully.   
  
"He has his own militia," the older man said. Zack turned to him, scowling crossly.   
  
"He has a handful of disgruntled rebels, that's it."   
  
The mayor returned the malevolent look. "I suppose so, they must be so untrained and immature as to have already managed to /beat/ your pathetic army--"   
  
"They haven't beaten anyone!" Zack spat, advancing slightly on the other man, who quickly withdrew.   
  
The soldiers looked between themselves uncomfortably, and Cloud continued to stand off to the side, watching the scene unfold with amazement.   
  
"What's … "   
  
Zack looked to him suddenly, a look on his face like he had never seen. He looked like a real SOLDIER, determined and able and angry, his eyes suddenly darker than they had ever been. Cloud almost shivered under the gaze, so unaware of who his friend truly was.   
  
"The SOLDIER here has friends. And they've already attacked."   
  
The mayor regained his pride as Zack was turned away. "You should know who you're facing when you take something like this on! There's no excuse for letting your guard down like this!"   
  
"We would have already been in there if you had signed the god damned forms you're so adamant about filling out!" One of the soldiers near the mayor yelled. "We could have been done if we hadn't had to wait around so long for you to decide if you wanted to save your town or not!"   
  
Zack turned to the soldier, who fell silent. "Pushing the blame back to those who blame us won't help."   
  
"Even if it /is/ their fault," another mumbled.   
  
The mayor was holding onto his rage as best he could. "Even so, you think this would have happened if they hadn't seen you with the boy?"   
  
Zack was turned away from them all, and Cloud felt his stomach tighten. "The boy?"   
  
"His mother said he was going out to 'practice what you had taught him.'" The mayor said gravely, though his anger was still apparent on his face. "Don't you have any code of conduct you adhere to on these kinds of jobs?"   
  
Zack looked calm as he faced away from the older man, though Cloud knew the anger that had to be welling up within him. Cloud felt his own irritation grow, angry at the man who had been the single cause of their delay, now blaming Zack and his alleged ineptitude.   
  
The SOLDIER remained silent, at a loss of words. Cloud's stomach knotted tighter, he had never seen Zack fall silent in an argument. Of all people in Antei, Zack was the least one at fault. Even if they were at odds with one another, the blond couldn't hold himself back as he watched the mayor with untold anger.   
  
"What is this doing for us?" He asked suddenly. All eyes fell upon him, but the blond couldn't contain his words, and continued. "Standing around blaming us for delaying our mission is only delaying us /more./ If you want us to do something, then leave, and let us get started."   
  
The mayor mumbled something he couldn't hear, but Cloud could feel a slight release of tension. He still was unsure as to what had happened, but regardless of all he thought, his allegiance was fully behind Zack. The SOLDIER remained quiet, standing off to the side, focused on something in the distance.   
  
"Never before," the mayor said, his voice picking up volume. "Never before have I seen such a /blatant/ disregard for procedure and lack of authoritative--"   
  
"We're going." Zack said abruptly. The mayor fell silent as the SOLDIER turned, his voice deeper than before. "This isn't your business any longer. You signed the forms, this is Shinra's problem now. Cast all the stones you'd like, but as of now your opinion doesn't matter in the least. You have no say in any matters, and if you continue to try and obstruct our business here, I'll have you incarcerated myself."   
  
The mayor's nose wrinkled instantly in apparent disgust, but Zack turned quickly and began walking toward the house. The soldiers began clamoring at their officer's departure, and the mayor stood a few yards off, watching the scene with indignation.   
  
Zack's expression was hidden in the darkness. He walked toward the building, pausing as he reached Cloud's side. The blond was suddenly speechless in his threatening presence.   
  
"Thanks," Zack said, his voice slightly back to normal. Words begged to be spoken, but Cloud was unable to think of them.   
  
"Zack--"   
  
"I'll take the responsibility," he said flatly, again sounding like a true SOLDIER.   
  
Cloud felt his mind begging him not to ask, but the words came regardless, barely audible. "For what?"   
  
Zack closed his eyes in silent resignation. "They took Rainer because of me."   
  
His words once again failed him. "Zack … "   
  
The SOLDIER shook his head slightly and turned away, opening the door and disappearing inside.   
  
----------------------------------------------------------------------_  
Notes Version 1.0: AHAHAHAHA IT'S DONE. Consider this a graduation present. Expect far more updates from here on out, as well. Except for the two weeks I'll be in Japan and the near month of moving to college. But other than that, updates. The main point of this story for myself is to finish it, so don't worry. If I don't, I give everyone permission to hunt me down and … yell at me until I do.   
  
Notes Version 2.3: Good lord, maybe now people can understand why I can't put the main pairing of this fic in the description! I am sorry about that, but I'm afraid … it's the story. X3 I'll make it up to you with some citrus scented chapters in the near future.   
  
…Maybe. _


	10. Chapter 10

Forgotten Daze  
FF7 Fan Fiction   
  
Chapter 10  
  
----------------------------------------------------------------------   
  
"How - in the - /hell/ --" Cloud spat, panting between each word as they continued their ceaseless climb upward, covered in a dark, brown, sticky liquid, which he could only assume was some god forsaken form of what he knew as blood, "can a mountain - a /mountain/ - spew forth - so many - so many - god damned /things?!/" Another imp approached him menacingly from the side, and Cloud swiftly dispatched it, his Shinra issued gun quickly becoming an extension of his anger and irritation. The blond now fully understood the perks of automatic weapons.   
  
"These things live everywhere," Zack said, his voice level. He wasn't even winded. Cloud, despite his advanced state of combat-induced confidence and exhaustion, managed to throw his friend a dirty look in the dark, which was never seen. "Probably Shinra's fault, anyway."   
  
Cloud caught up to Zack, breathing hard. They had fought their way through dozens of the mountain-bred imps, and Cloud had actually been able to keep up. For the most part. His sides ached and his chest burned. They had been running for nearly an hour, and combined with the constant battle, which, needless to say, almost made his heart burst out of his chest by itself, he was starting to wear out. Zack, on the other hand, seemed only to be getting warmed up.   
  
There was a rumble above them as something Cloud could only think of as the mother of all mountain-imps stepped forth from wherever it was mountain-imp mothers stepped forth from, sending a shower of rock and dirt to the duo below. Cloud felt a growl start in the back of his throat, his previous combat giving him a tremendous sense of confidence. Zack, who Cloud knew he would later thank, stopped him in one swift motion, jumping off the small ledge they stood on and landing beside the alleged she-beast, his sword in her side long before her large reptilian claws could sweep just over Zack's head as the SOLDIER slid beneath her, his sword slicing open her side.   
  
Some of Cloud's newfound self-confidence leaked slightly as he watched the graceful spectacle. The large beast began to topple over with an eerie, painful cry. Zack was fifteen feet above by the time she hit the ground. The blond swallowed hard as his Inadequacies, which were happily forgotten in his fit of rage and bloodlust, began to seep back in. Zack was a SOLDIER. He had to become Zack. It was only a slightly daunting task.   
  
"You coming?" Zack called from ahead, still moving.   
  
Cloud forced his legs back into motion, though with a slight lack of poise. He caught up to his friend shortly, who had slowed visibly to allow it.   
  
"I thought there was a disgruntled SOLDIER and his minions here?" Cloud asked, still panting. "All I see are horrific monstrosities of nature."   
  
Zack made another impressive leap off the path, scouting ahead. Cloud slowed to a stop, his hands on his knees as he fought for breath. "Why should they bother attacking us when the monsters will for them?" Zack asked from a distance.   
  
Cloud scowled at the ground, the unmistakable sound of an approaching fiend appearing to his side. "I have /monsters/ that need exterminating at /Nibleheim!/" he yelled, turning on the beast with his marked personality change. The monster, a slightly lopsided version of the ones he had been killing all night, paused at the outburst, his sunken arms still poised, ready to attack.   
  
A single shot rang out, bursting the night's silence. Cloud turned to Zack, his scowl even deeper. The SOLDIER had already turned back to the night sky by the time the monster fell in on itself, his gun already back in it's holster.   
  
"That one was mine," Cloud spat. Zack ignored him. Cloud's anger grew, Zack's indifference toward him since they left grating on his nerves. He was worried for Rainer, too, but he wasn't ignoring his friend, now, was he?   
  
"There's someone moving up ahead. It's too tall to be one of these things, it has to be human."   
  
Cloud pushed himself off a nearby rock, stumbling to Zack's side. "I don't see anything."   
  
"That's because you're too short."   
  
Another ignored scowl. There was the slight hint of a smile on Zack's lips, though it did little to improve Cloud's mood.   
  
"Do you want me to lift you up?" Zack asked.   
  
"Shouldn't you be out killing things without mercy or remorse?"   
  
Zack turned suddenly, his familiar smile set. "Aw, Spike," he said, ruffling the blond's hair for a moment before being batted away. "It's been so long since we bantered!"   
  
Cloud held his frown as long as he could before he had to turn away, even more angered that he couldn't hold on to the right emotion in the face of Zack's never-ending good humor.   
  
"It's someone, I know it is." Zack resumed his vigilant stare, the prevalent muscles in his arm tensing noticeably. Cloud sighed heavily, still slightly out of breath.   
  
"We're going all the way out there?"   
  
Zack flashed a quick smile and sprinted off, all the answer Cloud needed. He took off as well.   
  
"Do you actually have a plan?" Cloud yelled, struggling to stay at Zack's pace.   
  
"Don't need one." Zack replied, hopping a rock and leaving Cloud a good distance behind. The blond stopped, glowering angrily at where Zack had disappeared. Zack was older than him, yet clearly a child. Cloud was younger, yet the more mature one. Zack was a SOLDIER first class. He was a fledgling recruit. It just didn't make sense. Zack had frequently commented on not knowing how the SOLDIER they were after had slipped through Shinra's filters, but what Cloud really didn't understand was how /he/ had.   
  
"Cloud?" Zack asked, appearing in front of him again. The blond snapped back into reality, looking up at the other man. "You okay?" he asked.   
  
Cloud nodded, his breath finally evening out.   
  
"Then, I assume you noticed the thing above you?" Zack asked, pointing to the area just above Cloud's head.   
  
His stomach sank as he slowly turned, coming face to belly with one of the larger versions of their deformed adversaries. Cloud let out a squeak, his eyes wide as the monster flexed on of it's hands, sharp with claws, nearly reaching him, despite it's sunken arms.   
  
Again, a single shot rang out, and the monster hesitated a moment, looking down on the blond who had yet to move. Behind him, Cloud heard Zack's gun return to its holster. He scowled. This wasn't going to end well.   
  
The monster gurgled something awful as it toppled forward, catching Cloud underneath before he could move. Both hit the ground hard, the monster oozing quietly as it settled atop the blond.   
  
Cloud felt the rage boil inside him as Zack slowly walked to him, pausing above him.   
  
"You okay?" he asked again. Cloud frowned. Zack smiled.   
  
Zack smiled as Cloud fought to brush the goo from his uniform, still fuming from his few moments underneath the creature's body, only succeeding in spreading the thick liquid further. "You know, I really do think you're improving."   
  
Cloud ignored the compliment as he moved to brush the goo that had gotten on his hands off on his pants. Zack sat down on a nearby rock, watching the blond. "I guess determination /is/ all it takes."   
  
Cloud cast a sneer toward him, and Zack smiled. Their fight, whatever it had been, was for the moment forgotten. Zack was riddled with anxiety, all of which he did his best to hide from Cloud, trying his best to remain the stoic figurehead the under experienced platoon desperately needed. Cloud, of course, could hear his shaky nerves in his laugh, but was also doing his best to remain impartial, and didn't comment on it.   
  
"I don't think these things are doing much for my experience," Cloud mumbled. "I hate to boost your ego, but I think you're a better sparring partner than them."   
  
"You just can't appreciate a good thing, can you?" Zack asked.   
  
"Do I really need to remind you that the only reason I'm here is because you can rely on me to do all the paperwork and not tell the higher-ups that you sat on your ass the whole time?"   
  
Zack sighed heavily. "Now, Spike, I don't think Sephiroth would appreciate that attitude."   
  
"I swear to god," Cloud said, glaring at his friend, "even in the most dangerous of situations you're willing to sacrifice our time and our safety just to try and piss me off."   
  
"Oh, Cloud, it's a give and take relationship," Zack said, standing and putting one hand on his hip, assuming a stance he frequently took when trying to appear enlightened. "Maybe its not my audacity, but more your sensitivity, which is the worse SOLDIER attribute?"   
  
Cloud's eyes were dark. "You're an idiot."   
  
Zack grabbed one of his arms quickly, wrenching it around behind him. "That's no way to talk to your superior, Strife!"   
  
"Hey!" Cloud struggled against his brute strength, hopping on one foot as he tried to wrestle out of the hold. "Knock it off!"   
  
"Don't call me an idiot, then!"   
  
"Stop coming up with stupid philosophical bull, then!"   
  
Zack pulled his arm tighter, and Cloud cried out.   
  
"Don't question my philosophy!"   
  
"I swear to god you're ten years old!" Cloud managed, arching his back in another attempt to free himself. The blond was almost sure that his friend giggled behind him.   
  
"Sir!" both men stopped, turning to see a trio of soldiers approaching, all slightly frazzled from their mid-night raid. "We have five other men on the eastern side, who claim to have seen someone entering a small cave."   
  
Zack let go of Cloud's arm and stood up straight, narrowing his eyes into what he apparently thought looked more leader-like. Cloud rubbed his arm, watching Zack sidelong. "Did they follow?"   
  
The young soldier shook his head. "No, sir, we wanted to contact you first. We figured we were too spread out to make a move, but the ones that spotted them are still there, keeping a lookout."   
  
"How far away is it from here?" Zack asked.   
  
"Only about fifteen minutes if you know the path."   
  
"Okay, round up the rest of the soldiers. Two of you stay here with Cloud, and keep a lookout on the path down to the town."   
  
The soldiers turned to the young boy immediately, and despite the darkness, Cloud knew the darkened shade of his face was apparent.   
  
"You," Zack said, pointing to the apparent leader of the group, "take me there."   
  
"Sir!"   
  
The two left at once, leaving Cloud and the other soldiers, who now watched him intently, expecting an order.   
  
"Uhm," Cloud looked to the town down the path, which was empty. He ruffled his spikes, forcing down the blood that was still rushing to his face. "Just ... keep an eye on the path. And ... get rid of any monsters that approach."   
  
"Sir!" both said at once, saluting. Cloud let out a nervous laugh and turned away from the two.   
  
----------------------------------------------------------------------   
  
Sephiroth closed the file quietly, leaning back in his desk chair. The Midgar night seemed quiet outside the window behind him as he craned his neck to look out over the city, one hand still on top of the folder, fingering the edges.   
  
He couldn't tune out the voice in his head. The repeating sound of the official who had briefed them and his unflinching smile seemed to be haunting him. Unwillingly, his eyes ran over the file in front of him once more, reading the words in his mind.   
  
Mako Poisoning. He scowled and forced himself back to the window. He was sick of Shinra, sick of their games. The SOLDIER in Antei, /he/ was the mistake, not him.   
  
He unconsciously clenched one fist, his ire rising at the mere thought. Asinine Shinra politics. Even in an institution such as theirs, even within SOLDIERs, there still existed those who would use any means necessary to climb their way to the top.   
  
Again he saw the face, so confident and self-assured, smiling at him, knowing just what to say. There was no way Zack had known what had happened, he was still too young and too new to Shinra. Sephiroth closed his eyes. He'd never been apart from Shinra, things were markedly different for him.   
  
Sephiroth turned back to his desk, refusing to allow himself to give into the anger. He should have been the one in Antei. Not Zack. He knew the SOLDIER, knew how he felt about Shinra, about all that they had done to him.   
  
The general sighed, bringing one hand to his forehead. Maybe it was best that it was Zack there and not him, he thought, smiling slightly to himself, if he was there, he might just be tempted to join.   
  
----------------------------------------------------------------------   
  
Cloud dragged one foot through the gravel below him, drawing another straight line in front of him. It could barely be seen in the darkness, but it gave him something to focus on, and that was all he wanted. The two other soldiers who were now, apparently, under his command, sat similarly around him, both almost his own age, and clearly of the same mindset.   
  
They were all scared. There was no doubt in Cloud's mind that this was their first mission, and despite how much he may have wished it otherwise, he knew that they had seen through his façade as well. They sat in silence, all facing their own inner demons in the darkness of the cold mountain, their backs turned to a yet-unseen enemy who had before been classified as one of the top soldiers in the world.   
  
One boy continually turned, glancing over his shoulder at every slight scuffle that arose both around him and in his own mind. He'd react quickly, snapping to attention when the wind began to blow a slightly different direction, the leaves on the scarce mountain trees changing their rhythms. The other remained still the entire time, sitting cross-legged against a rock, his arms locked over his chest, and his head bowed.   
  
At first Cloud thought the second boy might have the advantage among them, that perhaps he was experienced. It wasn't long before the blond realized that his eyes were closed, and a look of worry was embedded across his hidden face. He was shutting out the world just as much as them.   
  
Cloud found himself tapping a foot uncontrollably when his thoughts began to wander. He'd force it still, and another nervous habit would pop up. The blond began to worry about a rash breaking out on his head, where he almost ceaselessly ran one hand through his spikes in unconscious worry.   
  
It took him awhile to realize where the fear was originating from. In the silence he ran through countless scenarios, playing each out. If a soldier came from behind them, he could dispatch them quickly, or at least distract them long enough for the other two to come into the fight. If one came from the path to town, they would see him in advance, and could plan out an ambush. If two or more appeared, they could create any number of ploys Cloud had already plotted. If a monster appeared, he could slaughter it himself.   
  
That, then, left only one explanation for why he was drowning in his own anxiety. Despite everything he knew about the man, his talents, his exploits, his fighting style, the brand of deodorant he wore, the way he reacted quicker to an opponent who snuck up on him than one he planned a strategy to fight, how he used each and every individual weapon he had on him to his advantage, and how he had not once been beaten in a battle, he was worried about Zack.   
  
Maybe, he thought, though it bothered him to no end, he was only so worried about something happening because they had left on such yet unresolved terms. Although, when he thought about how he would feel if he had straightened things out beforehand, he knew he would still feel the same anxiety. He had only known Zack a short time, but he couldn't deny how strange it felt to be separated from him. Especially when his well-being was so unsure.   
  
This time Cloud grabbed a hold of his hair, shutting his eyes tightly as he shook his head, hating the feeling that he was underestimating Zack. Nearby, one soldier took a quick glance over his shoulder, his posture broken. He snapped back, his eyes still nervous. Cloud watched him, letting his thoughts dwell on his actions. The boy made a face to himself, clearly unsure of something. He turned once more, and this time focused on a figure in the distance.   
  
"Someone's there!" he cried, jumping up. The other boy looked up quickly, his eyes wide. Cloud remained still, having already seen the dark form.   
  
The first boy turned to Cloud, as though he held some sort of answer. Slowly Cloud stood, determined to hold on to his confidence.   
  
"Who is it?" the other asked quietly, still sitting as to not give away his location, if he had been yet unnoticed.   
  
Cloud stepped forward, squinting in the darkness. "He's running, and he's not trying to hide. I don't think he's an enemy."   
  
As if to reassure them, the approaching figure raised one arm, waving it through the air. It was either a greeting or a warning, Cloud wasn't sure, but both made his insides churn slightly.   
  
The first soldier sighed heavily with relief. "He's friendly."   
  
The other followed suit, falling back into his original position, his head down. "Good," he breathed, resuming his meditative stance.   
  
Cloud wasn't ready to let go of the anxiety, something told him otherwise. The first soldier noticed the look on his face instantly, and even in the darkness, went pale.   
  
"What's wrong?"   
  
Cloud didn't respond. The soldier closed in, finally becoming visible. He looked, if it was even possible, younger than himself. He stumbled toward him, his eyes desperate. At once the approaching boy picked Cloud out of the three, and moved frantically toward him.   
  
"Sir!"   
  
Cloud stepped forward tentatively, his stomach wrenching at the look of the boy. "What is it?"   
  
"The-the SOLDIER! And ... well actually, /both/ SOLDIERs!"   
  
"What?"   
  
The soldier wiped his forehead, staring at the ground absentmindedly with his frazzled eyes. "The one we're after," he started, his hand shaking slightly as it fell to his side. Cloud noticed a dark stain on his uniform, and one hand instinctively went to his weapon, "He got ahead of us. We were attacked and had to run, but Zack--"   
  
"Zack?" Cloud approached him suddenly, his eyes wide. "What happened to Zack?"   
  
The other soldier finally looked up, his nerves starting to calm. "He-- fell behind."   
  
Cloud was silent for a moment, waiting for the boy to continue. He didn't. "What do you mean, 'fell behind'?"   
  
"To let us get out. There were monsters everywhere, so we had to run, and he stayed to make sure we had an exit, but when we got out he wasn't there. We waited as long as we could, but the monsters were too thick and we had to fall back further without him."   
  
There was another pause. Behind him, one of the soldiers that had stayed with him so far walked to Cloud's side, having heard the news. "You think something happened to him?"   
  
The wounded soldier shook his head. "I don't know, but I've never seen so many monsters before. If he made it out, he'd be here by now, we were moving so slowly--"   
  
"Where did you leave him?" Cloud lurched forward, only inches from the boy's face.   
  
"About a mile northeast of here--"   
  
"God /dammit!/" the blond took off at once, shoving the young soldier out of his way.   
  
"Hey!" one boy called, starting off as well. "What do you think you're doing?!"   
  
"Just stay there!" Cloud called, his sprint unaffected. "Organize everyone up again and ... and do whatever we were doing before!"   
  
One soldier yelled again, but Cloud had taken a massive leap, and between sliding down a slick, unstable portion of rock, and the deafening pounding of adrenalin and blood in his ears, he heard nothing.   
  
----------------------------------------------------------------------   
  
The two men stood in silence, waiting for the other to speak.   
  
The SOLDIER eyed him carefully from across the clearing. "You're just a kid."   
  
Zack smirked wildly, confidence streaming through him. "Afraid your loss will be a spot on your untarnished record?"   
  
The SOLDIER remained stoic, his eyes dark, instantly resembling someone Zack had fought next to so many times before. "I suppose it /is/ futile to hold any stigmas about slaughtering someone so young."   
  
Zack scoffed, swinging his buster sword around once more. The SOLDIER had made himself easy to find. He /wanted/ to face someone from Shinra, that was true, but he knew the men sent to Antei were there to kill him, not to negotiate. The group of young men Zack had followed left at once, upon finding their enemy. The monsters around them had grown too thick, and Zack, although he hadn't said anything, wanted to face him alone. The others were too young and too inexperienced, they were only brought along to keep the town safe, /he/ was the one who had to deal with the SOLDIER.   
  
"I thought for once," the SOLDIER started, "Shinra was going to take me seriously. Not send me such a joke."   
  
Zack closed his eyes, letting his sword rest on one shoulder. "If you're really that intimidated, just say so."   
  
The SOLDIER didn't appear amused when Zack looked up once more. The black haired man's expression fell as well, always irritated when a battle was forced into being serious.   
  
His enemy noted the change, and shifted in his spot slightly. "You're not actually planning on attacking me, are you?" He asked in his monotone voice.   
  
Zack frowned. "You're pathetic vermin from Shinra's old days that should have been taken care of years ago. Of course I'm going to attack you."   
  
This time, the SOLDIER expression changed slightly. Zack scowled at once, hearing the source of his attention behind him. He jumped sideways, sliding as the uneven land fell into a slight slope. The monster that had appeared behind him seemed to smile, its large, awkward jaw brimming with sharpened teeth. At once there was a warm wetness on the back of his neck, and Zack lurched forward, his eyes wide as another, smaller monster jumped on his back in his moment of inattention.   
  
His reflexes were faster than the imps, however, and before it's tiny claw could be brought to the front of his neck, Zack had slammed himself backwards into a nearby rock. The imp fell away at once, crying out sharply as it was crushed.   
  
"I'm not going to fight /you,/" the SOLDIER began, watching as the larger monster lunged toward Zack, who was barely able to dodge, "if you can't even survive this."   
  
Zack growled as he slid beneath the monster's claws, standing up behind it. The demon was too awkward to turn as fast, and Zack's sword pierced the back of it's neck just before two other small replicates appeared to his side. One jumped onto his left arm, barely the size of his fist. He swung his arm around quickly, his entire body moving, and sent it flying. The other made a move for his leg, but was dispatched from the momentum of the turn in one graceful roundhouse kick, which sent it hurtling toward the SOLDIER.   
  
The area was silent for a moment as the imp crashed into a rock only inches from the SOLDIER. Both men stood still, waiting for the other to move. Finally the SOLDIER let out what seemed to be a sigh, and Zack's eyes went wide as the feeling of blood running down his back struck him.   
  
His hand went to his neck instinctively, where the monster had dug it's claws in. His stomach twisted slightly as he felt a deep puncture wound on the upper part of his back. He scowled at the SOLDIER. The wound wasn't deadly, but it was in no way a good omen.   
  
"I see Shinra doesn't have nearly the same standards as it once did."   
  
"I was wondering when you'd notice," Zack replied, ignoring the pain. "I'm still trying to figure out how they failed to notice /you./"   
  
"Me?" the SOLDIER asked, suddenly seeming interested in the conversation. "I was with Shinra for years. I fought in the war, at the same level as Sephiroth."   
  
Zack smirked at the name-drop. "Congratulations," he said. "But you should know that although I may just be a kid to you, I'm the only SOLDIER first class here. You're just a remnant of Shinra's past they sent me to get rid of. And don't play so high and mighty to me, you still haven't even shown me that you're /capable/ of fighting."   
  
"You're the one with the boy?" the SOLDIER asked abruptly. Zack paused.   
  
"What boy?"   
  
The SOLDIER's expression was stoic, even as a young man, clearly one of his subordinates, came forward from an opening in the rocks behind him, leading Rainer by one hand. Rainer looked to Zack, his eyes wide with fear.   
  
"You bastard!" Zack yelled, his grip on his sword tightening. "What kind of stunt is this? You can't fight me head on? You have to take some poor /kid/ to improve your chances?"   
  
The SOLDIER grabbed the boy away from the other, yanking the arm he held. Rainer stumbled sideways, crying out slightly at the jostle. He fell to his knees at the SOLDIER's side, one hand shaking visibly as he pushed himself up, his eyes wet in the darkness.   
  
"Go back above," the SOLDIER ordered. "Make sure everyone stays away. I'll take care of this one myself."   
  
The other man nodded, looking Zack once over before he left. Zack stood still, nearly shaking with anger. The man disappeared.   
  
"Let the kid go and fight /me/!" Zack yelled, inching forward in agitation.   
  
The SOLDIER made no move. "I'm here to break Shinra," he said, his eyes cold. "Think what you want; taking hostages may be traditionally a cowards way out, but I lost any sense of a moral code watching that corporation destroy all it could. This is nothing in comparison to what /you're/ fighting to represent."   
  
Zack grimaced at the comment, readying himself for combat. The SOLDIER remained still, Rainer quiet in his grip.   
  
"A SOLDIER," he continued, his eyes narrowing, "should also never reveal his weakness." Zack scowled. The SOLDIER pulled his gun from his side and pointed it to Rainer. "Even if I hate that company with all my heart, SOLDIERs are respectable, and you do nothing but give them an even worse name."   
  
Zack sprinted forward at once, not caring about his own safety. He made a grab for the SOLDIER's right arm, wrenching it away from the boy. The gun was twisted away from the boy's head, but Zack was thrown off slightly, and the SOLDIER's now free arm swung around and nicked Zack in his side with his weapon.   
  
The dark haired man sprung back quickly, his anger quickly taking him over. He reached for the SOLDIER's right arm once more, unable to let the gun stay locked on the boy. In a split second he noticed Rainer beneath him, looking up with wide, frightened eyes. Zack suddenly realized his mistake, as his eyes returned to his adversary, who still had one free arm. Another split second past, and the SOLDIER finally smiled.   
  
----------------------------------------------------------------------   
  
Cloud regained his composure quickly, one hand covering his nearly crushed nose, checking vainly in the darkness for blood, silently cursing the unseen rocks beneath his feet. Looking around wildly, his eyes strained in the blackness, Cloud could hear a slight murmur of voices in the distance, and broke into a run once more. It was the fourth time he had fallen since he started his endless race; one side of his face, his left arm, and now his nose all throbbed from being thrown onto the ground. But he couldn't stop, not until he found Zack and proved the young soldier wrong.   
  
Zack could not have gotten hurt. He could not have gotten in trouble. Cloud slowed for a moment, feeling the walls with his hands as he fought for breath. If Zack wasn't invincible, then god help them all, the one constant of the universe would be shattered, and the very foundations of time would undoubtedly collapse in on itself.   
  
The voices perked up again, and Cloud resumed his sprint. They were real, and one sounded familiar. He grit his teeth in his mouth, not wanting to underestimate his friend's power, yet unable to keep down the feeling that he needed to be by his side. Even if he couldn't do anything to help him, he needed to be there.   
  
The blond stopped abruptly, catching the dim outline of someone standing in the distance. It was one of the enemy, he was sure of it. Cloud inhaled deeply, calming his nerves. He was close.   
  
He proceeded slower, moving quietly through the night, still following the same familiar voice. He walked a large circle around the figure he saw, surprised that his stealth saw him through unnoticed. The voices picked up intensity, and a small, flat clearing came into his view. He could see the dim outlines of people, and his muscles tensed at once as Zack's voice rang out clearly in the night.   
  
Cloud fell to his knees instantly, his nerves suddenly beating him down. If he was caught here he'd become the only thing he'd ever successfully been: a burden. He wanted to help Zack, but jumping directly into the fray of a SOLDIER class battle was not the way to help anyone.   
  
Slowly, the blond began to move, bent at the waist to avoid being seen. He crept around the enclosed arena, a barely noticeable path leading the way to the entrance. His heart beat with incredible intensity, and the painful focus of his thoughts into being silent drowned out all noise around him.   
  
The ground declined suddenly, and Cloud stopped, not wanting to get too close. With excruciating concentration, he crept up on the side of the path, to an area that gave him a clear overview of the clearing. He swallowed hard and leaned forward, looking down.   
  
Cloud's heart skipped a beat at his first glance. The SOLDIER had Rainer by one arm, holding him up by it painfully, wrenching the boy's wrist. In his other hand was a gun, which was pointed directly at a shocked Zack, only inches from his forehead. His friend was still, his eyes wide in a look of disbelief Cloud had never seen on his face before.   
  
The blond turned away, sinking to his haunches, his hands shaking. He had to do something. This was real, this was a real situation. Everything else had been training, he had never had someone's life at stake, he had never had to make such a dramatic decision. He was instantly teleported to Nibleheim. He hadn't been strong enough then to help someone he cared about, that was one of the reasons he had come to Midgar -- to be able to face such a situation and be /able,/ be able to save the person, be able to make a difference, be able to act on his feelings.   
  
His hands were numb along with his body, but he was somehow able to lift his gun with one violently trembling hand, and push himself back up. He inhaled deeply, his breath shaking just as much. He closed his eyes tightly, squeezing the gun, and jumped down to the path, his decision made.   
  
----------------------------------------------------------------------   
  
Zack stood still, never taking his eyes from the SOLDIER's. The gun was still in his hands, he was at complete ease in the situation. Zack swallowed hard, his mind trying desperately to calculate some means of survival-- for himself and the child.   
  
"A SOLDIER should never reveal his weakness," he repeated, his eyes cold as he watched Zack's nerves begin to break. "You let yourself be blinded far too easily."   
  
Zack scowled, his anger rising once more. He had heard this speech too many times, it wasn't the last thing in his life he wanted to hear.   
  
The SOLDIER was still smiling faintly, amused by the turn of events. Zack could still see Rainer out of the corner of his eyes, watching the scene with similar disbelief. If only there were some way he could grab the boy away, everything after that were only minor details. All his thoughts were focused on somehow saving the boy his own inadequacies had threatened.   
  
The clearing was silent when without warning, the SOLDIER fell forward suddenly, crying out as a large, Shinra-issued gun cracked across his head. Zack lunged forward instantly, taking advantage of the fall, and grabbed Rainer, pulling him back within safe distance. Still fumbling with the boy, Zack turned his head up, spotting a bit of yellow in the dim light. His heart jumped to his throat at once as the spikes took form, and the SOLDIER Cloud had knocked down began to climb to his feet again, his Mako fueled body barely affected.   
  
"Cloud!" Zack cried, but it was too late. The SOLDIER was standing before the young recruit could gather his bearings, and something that glinted in the moonlight was drawn from its hiding place, and jammed into the blond's side.   
  
Cloud lurched forward, toppling down to his knees in an instant, a sharp cry ringing out, both hands over the wound in his side. Zack's breath caught in his throat as he held Rainer tighter, trying desperately to think of a way out.   
  
A small trail of blood became visible on Cloud's lips as the SOLDIER moved slowly, sheathing his knife. One hand reached down toward the blond's neck, and a low feral growl rose from the almost limp body. Zack's eyes went wide as Cloud stood, catching the SOLDIER off guard, evading the arm and punching him squarely in the jaw.   
  
The SOLDIER barely moved at the attack, but jumped back in shock at the action, the wounded young boy in front of him still standing, one hand over his side as he stared the other down, sheer animalistic intensity in his eyes.   
  
A moment of uncertainty washed over the SOLDIER as his underestimate of the boy became apparent. Zack clutched Rainer's shoulders hard, his own animal instincts taking over. Never taking his eyes off the two, one hand felt the ground near him, searching for his weapon.   
  
The SOLDIER sneered at the blond, standing a safe distance away. Cloud managed to bring one shaky hand to his side, patting one leg for his own knife. Zack's hand brushed over a rock, the only thing close to him. He could see the slight glint of his sword a good distance from him out of the corner of his eyes.   
  
Rainer shook violently in his arms, clutching futily to his chest. Zack's mind sped, trying to figure out how he had let the situation slide away from him so terribly. He had to manage it back to his advantage, he had to get Rainer out, he had to stop the SOLDIER, and he had to save Cloud.   
  
"Zack!" someone called from behind him. The soldiers were approaching. "Behind you! There are more monsters!" Zack scowled. The /monsters/ were approaching.   
  
The SOLDIER stood erect, the situation clearly under his control. Behind him, a horde of the misshapen imps appeared, their reptilian skin black in the moonlight. There was no way they could win, Zack realized. He had to retreat. He couldn't fight with Rainer, and he couldn't fight with Cloud.   
  
Almost in response to Zack's thoughts, Cloud produced his own knife, the intensity in his eyes still prevalent. He was nearly doubled over as he stood, breathing hard.   
  
"Get out," he said, struggling to speak in between his ragged breaths. "I'll hold him off--get Rainer out!"   
  
"I can't leave you!" Zack yelled back, suddenly spotting one of the smaller imps behind cloud. He growled lowly and picked up the rock nearby, squeezing it tightly in his left hand. He juggled Rainer in his arms, managing to cast the stone directly at the monster, picking it off the ground as the rock hit it sharply.   
  
The SOLDIER bent down slightly, readying himself for movement. Zack's reflexes strained themselves as he tried to jump forward to protect Cloud, but was held back by the young boy in his arms. Cloud tensed, readying the knife he held.   
  
Zack knew the outcome at once, and lurched forward. "No!" he cried, only moments before the SOLDIER had snapped the wrist, the knife falling to the ground, and planted one heavy blow to Cloud's stomach, directly above his wound. The wind went out of Cloud in a second as he doubled over the fist, falling to the ground the second it was moved.   
  
The boy clutched Zack harder, pressing his crying face deeper into his chest. Zack responded, strengthening his grip on the young boy. He grit his teeth unconsciously, watching the situation with an anxiety he hadn't felt in some time. Rainer's sobs only increased, and Zack realized the decision he had to make.   
  
Cloud's body lay still on the ground, a dark stain forming on the bottom of his uniform. The SOLDIER stood above him, looking around territorially, for the first time showing signs of anxiety as the number of soldiers behind Zack began increase, cutting through the monsters.   
  
Rainer tugged against Zack's shirt, and the dark haired man cringed as he faced the situation.   
  
"Sir!" it was Yasuhiko, one of the young soldiers, at his side in an instant. "Get the kid out, we have a narrow opening, but it can't last!"   
  
Cloud was motionless, and Zack pounded the ground with one fist, damning the situation. He shook his head as he lifted Rainer, standing up. He had to leave him. Rainer buried his face into his shoulder, and Zack cast a final glance at his friend before turning and following his men out to safety.   
  
"I'll come back," Zack said quietly, in a voice no one heard. "There's no way in hell I'm losing you here."   
  
----------------------------------------------------------------------   
  
Cloud opened one eye slightly, unable to see anything. His mind was swimming, half unconscious from the wound in his side, and half delirious from the pain. He smiled weakly to himself, tearing up at the thoughts that rushed to him. The shadow of the SOLDIER passed over him, and Cloud felt confidence well up in him once more. He wanted to yell, laugh at his face, but lacked the ability. Instead a weak, painful laugh escaped his lips, his eyes still wet.   
  
Asshole, he thought, still smiling through the pain. The pompous /asshole./ He couldn't hurt Zack, no one could. Not even if he had to stop him himself, he wouldn't let anyone hurt him.   
  
----------------------------------------------------------------------_  
Notes:  
  
- In the interest of my poor writing skills, if anyone wants to help beta the last half of this story I'd be more than appreciative. Cough. Yes.  
- omg subplots wtf. Yes, some things actually DO have meaning in the long run. I know, I know, I'm shocked too.  
- PS: Chapter 10 marks the breaking of 100 pages. It's currently at 107!  
- PPS: I love all of you who review. A lot. Just in case you forgot or something. _


	11. Chapter 11

Forgotten Daze  
FF7 Fan Fiction

Chapter 11

---------------------------------------------------------------

Cloud opened one eye. The world was brighter outside than it was before, but the light only splintered through his head, and caused him to turn away. Why was he still alive? /How/ was he still alive? He tried to move, to push himself over slightly, but his arm was caught underneath him, and at any slight jostle, pain shot through his side.

A shadow passed over him, and a hint of his previous anger flashed inside.

"You're not going to die," the SOLDIER stated in his gravely voice.

Despite his face being pressed into the dirt, Cloud scowled. At the moment he'd gladly give his life just to hurt that man. How could he have ever thought that he could beat Zack?

"Trading one hostage for another, I suppose," a new voice said. One of his subordinates, no doubt.

"Just bandage his wound," the SOLDIER instructed. The anger rose again.

"I'd rather die than be helped by you," the blond managed to speak, into the ground.

The subordinate tittered slightly. "What a hero," he mocked.

"Hey," the SOLDIER said abruptly, his voice deep. "Just bandage him up and get the hell out. They'll be back for him soon."

"Sir."

Cloud struggled to swallow the thickening saliva in his mouth, through a tight throat. They wouldn't come back for him, they knew better than that. That was why he had to do something himself, something to hurt the SOLDIER and improve Zack's odds when he came back to finish the job.

"You sure they'll come?" the subordinate asked, echoing Cloud's thoughts. He turned his head as best he could at the remark, facing the man who slowly approached him. The SOLDIER was out of Cloud's vision, but he could hear him as though he were standing at his side.

"Yeah. The SOLDIER they sent isn't worth the money Shinra wasted on him. He cares about this kid too much to leave him. Just like the other. He's too moral for war."

The other man was silent, and Cloud could hear as the SOLDIER slowly retreated from the small clearing. He had wasted his chance. The SOLDIER was too far for him to reach, he didn't have enough strength for much. The remaining man watched as his superior walked away, and broke into a frown when the footsteps died. He walked to Cloud's side.

Cloud clenched one fist tight at his side, ignoring the pain. Zack wouldn't come, he wasn't that stupid. And, Cloud realized, his own life didn't mean nearly enough for him to risk his own to save. He had to break through the pain and attack the SOLDIER; he had to do something himself to help. He couldn't be the victim any longer, he was never meant for the role to begin with. Tifa had been a victim -- people came for her. No one came for him, and things weren't going to change unless he did something himself.

The younger man grabbed his injured side, turning him onto his back. White light overtook him as he held back the ferocious pain that ripped through him. Another insight flashed before him, and Cloud inhaled sharply, preparing himself to move, but the man grabbed his wound, and after another moment of searing pain, his mind went dark.

------------------------------------------------

The woman hid her eyes once more with one hand, pressing down against them with a great force, her knuckles nearly turning white. She choked slightly, but quickly stifled it. Zack shifted uncomfortably in front of her.

"Thank..." the woman shook her head mid-sentence, holding back another sob. "Thank you."

Zack let his hand slip off of Rainer's head and took a step back from the scene, unable to focus on it. He looked around the house nervously, holding back an outburst of energy that threatened to consume him. The young boy buried his face in his mother's chest, still crying as hard as he had the entire trip down the mountain. His mother followed suit, giving into her emotions.

A few of the neighbors, who had undoubtedly stayed awake all night with the young woman, gathered around the mother and child, offering quiet console. Zack's soldiers gathered similarly behind him, all equally anxious.

The only sounds around them were of the quiet sobs and the occasional comforting words. Zack felt as though he would explode. His hands were clenched tightly. He needed to move, to do something. He needed to run outside and find that SOLDIER and rip that self-assured smile off his face and beat him until he couldn't move and show him just what happened when he messed with people as important as Cloud and Rainer.

Each thought only increased his fervor, until Zack was sure his inner turmoil was visible to everyone in the room. He turned to look outside the window into the bright dawn, occasionally catching the eyes of a few of his soldiers. They would quickly turn away, unsure of how to act.

Zack knew they couldn't stay in the house for long, but, as it had been made abundantly clear, it was his fault that Rainer was hurt to begin with. He felt as though his presence in the house was somehow an apology. Of course, outside the house, somewhere in the mountains, Cloud lie wounded, and, although he refused to even give into such notions, hopefully still alive.

The words of the SOLDIER continued to resonate within him. Zack's scowl deepened with every thought. He must have been putting on quite a show for anyone watching. Were his emotions and his morals really weakening? If he had brushed Rainer off, ignored him when they first spotted him in the fight, simply walked by the boy and left him to take the beating, he would have never been seen by the SOLDIER's men, and he would have never been taken.

It was the same thing he had always been told. Why couldn't he be like Sephiroth? Why couldn't he be the stoic, unflinching soldier who would follow his duty down to the tiniest detail? He had always let his emotions control him, he could never let them go and give into the bureaucratic way Shinra taught their soldiers to function. He had almost failed becoming a SOLDIER because he wouldn't let them break him down, he couldn't lose his personality in the dark depths of the corporate ladder.

And what about Cloud? Zack closed his eyes tightly. Shit. He took in a deep breath, forcing away his thoughts. Even if it was his fault they were in this situation, he still had an opportunity to fix them. And he /would/ save Cloud, just as he saved Rainer. He wasn't going to let such a mistake ruin what he had tried so hard to hold onto, let alone take away someone he cared about.

Zack turned from the somber scene, unable and unwilling to watch any longer. It wasn't as though he couldn't give up one for the other. He couldn't feel the relief the townspeople felt until both were safe. Brushing past the soldiers, who quickly followed turned to follow, Zack walked out the door.

Outside the house, in a shadow of the eaves, stood the last man Zack wanted to see, and the first one he knew he would.

"This mission has been a complete failure," the mayor said, casting Zack a dark glare.

The SOLDIER refused to return it, and merely turned to the men who followed him outside. "Make sure everyone reorganizes here. Make sure no one's been left behind."

They all nodded, and a few left to comply with the order. Still, the mayor watched the scene with the utmost contempt.

"What's your plan now? You've already lost a soldier, and an innocent child almost--"

"I know what's happened," Zack cut in, his ire rising. "Though I appreciate the recap." His expression was dark as he struggled to contain his anger. The older man was unimpressed.

A few of the soldiers who remained behind him looked around nervously, and Zack closed his eyes. They were questioning his decision. They had been since they recovered Rainer. Of course, if he could only take one person in such a situation, the innocent child was much more important than the soldier who was predestined to lose his life in battle. But the soldiers knew. They knew that Cloud was his friend, that they were close. And even though they would have made the same decision, they couldn't help but cast their eyes away from Zack's when he turned to them, at a loss for words.

"Well?" the mayor repeated, ignoring Zack's snide remark.

"We can't take him with this many soldiers," he answered quietly, doing his best to remain calm. "We're going to save-- we're going to go save the soldier I left behind. Then we'll regroup at Midgar--"

"How in the hell did you ever become a SOLDIER?" The mayor spat suddenly. "You're going to go /back/ for him? You already know that you can't win against him; you're only risking more casualties! How can you spend the lives of your men so flippantly?"

Zack didn't respond, watching him sidelong.

The mayor scowled, his upper lip curling in a grotesque fashion. "Because /that/ one was your friend," he said bluntly. The word grabbed him, and Zack turned to him sharply. "Aren't you trained? Haven't you faced a fatality before? Or do you always risk your own life, the lives of others, and the safety of an entire town because of your sense of morality? If it were any other soldier, you would leave him behind without a single glance back--"

"I wouldn't leave anyone behind!" Zack snapped, advancing on the older man. The mayor didn't move. Zack's features darkened considerably. "Don't use your pathetic fucking sense of decency to judge mine by. I wouldn't leave any soldier behind if I knew they could be saved."

The older man scoffed softly and turned away. Zack stepped away, quieting himself.

"I'll go myself."

------------------------------------------------

It wasn't so much that he was missed, so much as it was what had become routine in his life had now disappeared. At least, that's what Sephiroth believed. Even though Zack wasn't there, he knew the words that would come out of his mouth if he /ever/ discovered that he held any such emotion toward his absence. And they were words Sephiroth was determined to avoid.

It had been that way since they first met. Though he hated remembering it. Not that the situation had been bad, of course, but that it was another emotion he hated putting on his friend. Nostalgia? Loneliness? Of course he was quite capable of both of those, but Zack had spent a good number of /years/ trying to force emotion out of his usual listless self, and it had grown to a point where Sephiroth occasionally found himself /trying/ to remain stoic. After all, that was the only way could win the war against unbreakable joviality.

It was well past the designated office hours, but Sephiroth was still trudging his way through the ancient folders he had dug up. He had always had the authority to view any file on the other SOLDIERs (though he had not-so-surprisingly been unable to locate his own,) but until then he had no use for them. But his recent free time, or Zack-free time, at least, as well as the events in Antei, had given him a slight curiosity, and the clerk who had kept the reports for so long was far too intimidated by his mere presence in the small Shinra office to even wonder why he was making his first visit after so long.

The first he went for were those on the rogue SOLDIER in Antei himself. Were there ever any reports on his emotional and psychological state prior to his departure? The files blurred over information, occasionally hinting at the problem that would develop later on, but never once showing signs of an opinion or worry. They were all neutral, though they still spoke out to Sephiroth. He knew of one other person who might pick up on the same words and signs that he had, but even with the slightest thought of the scientist, Sephiroth felt the paper stretch in his hands, and had to focus his thoughts elsewhere, before he ripped through the important documents.

That was how he had come across Zack's folders. When he had finished reading through the reports, he was at a loss as to why he had even started. He knew it all; anyone who had ever met the man could piece together what kind of recruit he was.

Sephiroth did, however, find humor in the contrasting opinions of Shinra's finest. "Does not work well with other soldiers, not a good candidate," read one. No doubt the commander there was intimidated by his individuality. He was sure they had come to blows. The file on Zack's medical office visits was astronomical during his first few months. "Extremely high marks, meant for a leadership role," read another, commenting on the same. His refusal to conform was both a distress for army life, and a beacon for a good commander.

He had asked Zack once when they had first met how he thought he had ever become a SOLDIER. Zack only looked at him and smiled. "I'm not sure," he had said. "Probably because I was one of the first people who refused to be another kiss-ass like you."

Of course, Sephiroth had ignored him. Their battles had already begun by then, and Sephiroth knew that the other man was trying to get a rise out of him. "I think your instructors just wanted to get away from you without causing a fuss."

Zack had refused to lose as well, and held onto his smile. In the office, Sephiroth shut his friend's file. /Why/ had he /ever/ given into him? Their friendship, if it could be called that, was ridiculous.

But then, Sephiroth thought, opposite attract, don't they? He smiled slightly to himself at the absurd thought, and instantly realized what he was doing, and crushed it. He turned away from the files, a look of sheer disgust on his face. Even when Zack wasn't around, he still lost to him.

------------------------------------------------

Cloud had the distinct sensation of movement. He struggled in place for a moment, testing his limbs, seeing what worked. His eyes were heavy, and when he opened them a strong light blinded him. He tried to focus on anything, but the world was blurred. His thoughts seemed to come slow, but he struggled to recall where he had been, where he might be now. His entire body felt held in place, and he couldn't tell if he was being contained by something, or simply couldn't move his own body any longer. His head was swimming, and his stomach churched from the dizziness. The movement continued around him, and Cloud tried to settle his body, hoping that the feeling would stop. It didn't. He /was/ moving, it wasn't just the spinning of his mind.

His body immobilized, Cloud once again tried to focus on his surroundings. The light only intensified the pounding in his head as he opened his eyes slightly. He groaned instinctively at the pain, shutting them.

" ... Don't worry ... "

A voice reached him suddenly, and something inside him clicked on. Cloud resumed his struggle to move, the voice sounding somewhere far off in the distance. He needed to reach it-- he needed to get to it.

" ... to Midgar ... "

The voice was familiar, but so far away. He was at the bottom of a vast lake, struggling to swim up against the crushing darkness. He could hear the voices above the water, and see the dim, distorted outline of the figures above him, yet he couldn't reach them. He moved painfully, trying to speak.

" ... Za ... ck ... ?" he asked, his voice grating on his throat.

He was shifted slightly in his spot, and Cloud cringed, forcing himself to move against it. He needed to be able to see, he needed to know if the voice was really Zack's.

"We're almost to the town ... " it said again, seeming closer this time. " ... Don't worry ... just relax. You'll be fine, you're safe now."

The blond squinted in the bright, heavy light, and turned his head, the action consuming more energy than he ever thought. " ... Zack?"

"Don't worry Cloud. You're all right."

Cloud felt his breath catch in his throat for a moment as he realized where he was. Strong arms restrained him, holding him still down the steep mountain path. The blond wanted to speak, but the feeling froze him in place, and suddenly all the pain he felt was forgotten as his thoughts focused on his position. The dizziness suddenly sprung back upon him, and an overwhelming urge to be sick came across him. He had felt it before; he knew it, when he had seen Sephiroth in the Shinra corridors when he had first met Zack. But this was different. The feeling passed suddenly, and for a moment he forgot all the pain he felt. He was safe? It was an emotion he wasn't used to, but Cloud realized the relief he felt, and when the overwhelming urge to sleep washed over him, he gave into it's demand, and let his head fall against Zack's chest.

------------------------------------------------

Cloud's body was finally limp in his arms, his struggles for the moment silenced. Four soldiers walked behind him, their blatant fear masked expertly. He had intended to go alone. While his mind raged over what the mayor had said to him, the words struck true, and Zack couldn't ignore them. He couldn't risk more soldiers to save one. Not in a situation where he knew he couldn't win. But his men hadn't let him go alone. Even though they may have questioned his decision, in much the same way he himself did, they forced him to take them along. If he hadn't been in a terrible state of mind, Zack thought later, he might have been touched.

War was war, and soldiers were soldiers. But this wasn't war, and they were still children. It was something Zack had realized when he first came to Shinra, something he had said to his instructor at the time. It helped him move on, helped him retain what he knew as himself through the dredges of the system. They hated him for it, and they always would. Zack thought, on several occasions, that he had been promoted to SOLDIER not because he was so liked by the system, but because he was so hated that they needed to simply get him through.

The trucks were ready by the time they reached the town. He smiled at the men who waited, who returned the gesture. Cloud wrestled against him suddenly, clearly in pain. The medic, a soldier slightly older than the rest, motioned for Zack to bring him to the back of the truck. Together they laid him down carefully, and the man was at his side in an instant, removing the dirty bandages tied haphazardly around Cloud's small waist.

Zack looked back to the other men outside, and nodded. Half moved to the first truck, ready to return to Midgar. The other half began their walk back to town, Antei's protection for the next few weeks. Zack closed the back of their vehicle and moved carefully to the other side. He sat down at Cloud's head and watched the other man work intently.

"He's all right, right?" Zack asked as the truck began to move. The man nodded, a strip of white bandage in his mouth. He ripped it perfectly, never taking his eyes off the blond.

"The SOLDIER kept him alive, but not very well. The wound in his side is infected, but it's not bad. We can fix it easily. Just not here."

Zack looked Cloud over. In his state, it was hard to tell that the darkened spot on his side was the worst of his injuries. The medic pulled Cloud's shirt up further, cleaning the wound. His chest was covered in cuts and bruises. Zack grimaced slightly at the sight. He was supposed to protect him, gain him some experience, not leave him for dead on some god-forsaken mountain.

"His wrist is broken, though," the medic continued. "We can use materia and heal that much faster than it would naturally, though. Still, it can't give him back his strength. He'll need to rest for a good while."

Zack nodded. The medic lifted the blonde's waist slightly, still tending to the knife wound. Cloud grimaced, a half conscious cry escaping his lips. Zack ran a hand through his hair. He could almost believe that the sound was more painful than what caused it.

The medic glanced at him occasionally through his work. "You okay?" he asked.

Zack looked to him, somewhat surprised. "Yeah, I'm fine, why?"

"You look pale."

He nodded slowly. "Yeah ... I guess I suddenly don't feel so well."

Cloud squirmed against the doctor's touch. His eyes were closed, but Zack knew he felt it.

"His wounds aren't bad," the medic said, picking up on the source of Zack's discomfort.

"I know but ... it's my fault he's like this."

The medic fell silent, thinking something over. "How exactly do you know him?" he asked. Zack was slightly confused at the question. "I mean, he's not even a SOLDIER yet, right? Do you only know him from this trip?"

"No ..." Zack searched for the words. How in the hell was he supposed to explain their relationship? He had damned near killed him when they first met, and now what? He had found a better friend in some recruit that could barely hold a sword than anyone else in Shinra, and now would rather slit his own wrists than watch as he squirmed in pain in front of him?

But still, he was his friend. He had to protect him. He brought him here, so it was his fault if something happened. That was why he felt so bad. Right?

"Well in any case," the doctor picked up, "he's going to be fine. The only thing you need to worry about is what you're going to tell them back in Midgar."

Zack forced out a quick laugh. "Yeah, I guess so."

The doctor smiled and turned his attention to his tools, cleaning them carefully despite the shaking of the truck. "Do you have any idea what started this?" he asked, turning to look at him. "The SOLDIER, I mean."

"No …" Zack shook his head. "I don't. I wasn't allowed any real information before this, I'll have to do some sort of research before I go back. He just … hates Shinra."

The medic let out a short laugh. "Seems to be a lot of people like that nowadays. Why, just the other day I heard of this group of--"

"Zack ...?"

The medic stopped mid sentence, looking to the blond. Cloud was as still as he was before, but his eyes were open slightly, a look that Zack could have mistaken for peaceful slumber if he couldn't also see the bruises and cuts on his face.

Zack moved forward slightly, still sitting by his head. He looked down to his friend and attempted to smile. Cloud took a few moments to focus on his face, and Zack's smile quickly unfolded.

"We're going back home," he explained, hoping the words would comfort him.

Cloud opened his mouth to speak, and Zack tensed. Regardless of the medic's words, he was still worried. "Didn't ... you say," he forced, his voice rough and full of pain, "that you were ... going to get back at me ... for what I did ... when we got to Midgar?"

Zack was silent. He closed his eyes and sat back, looking away from his friend. He knew he had to be strong, but right then, he didn't want to be. "Just sleep, Cloud." he said softly, one hand on his shoulder. "We'll be there soon."

------------------------------------------------

Cloud opened one eye. The room was bright around him, but this time his eyes began to adjust. The throbbing that had been such a constant in his head the past few days was gone, and his body felt light and unburdened. Slowly, he pushed himself up in his bed, the room taking shape. Though there was little pain left in him, though his body shook with every movement.

"Finally awake?" a voice next to him asked. Cloud leaned forward, his hands limp in his lap and his eyes closed. He didn't bother to turn.

"I'm no doctor," he said, he voice slightly rough, "but why the hell aren't I dead?"

Zack set a heavy hand on his head, almost pushing the blond back down. He could almost hear him smile. "It's a long story."

Cloud shook the hand off, turning toward his friend. Zack sat next to the bed, still smiling. Cloud watched him quietly, knowing that he felt an emotion, but was unable to show it. His memories of what had happened were muddled with his thoughts at the time. What was real and what wasn't? It all felt like a dream to him, had any of it even happened? Perhaps he hadn't even left Midgar for Antei. Perhaps he had only been in Shinra for a week. Perhaps ... perhaps he was in the hospital after he fainted in front of Zack, when they first met. "Zack ... did you-- Did you ... carry me?"

Zack was silent for a moment. "Well," he started, leaning back in his chair, "you really didn't seem up to walking on your own."

Cloud's head drooped back down onto his chest, letting out a short, tiring laugh. He was silent for a moment. "I don't ... remember much."

Zack's expression drooped slightly as he looked away, his eyes unfocused on the wall. "It was just ... bad. All around."

Cloud's stomach twisted slightly. He didn't like it when Zack was serious. "What happened to the SOLDIER?" The other man was silent. Cloud forced his body to turn slightly, facing his friend. "Zack?"

"He's still there," he replied. He turned back to him, a forced smile set. "In a nutshell, we failed the mission."

"What do you mean?" Cloud asked, the idea not penetrating. He might not have remembered a single event since he was attacked, but he /knew/ that Zack could have defeated the other man. "You lost to him?"

Zack's smile changed slightly, into something Cloud had never seen. "I changed our goal, and we decided it would be best to regroup here and send back a stronger force once we accomplished it."

"The goal? To what?"

The strange smile was still there. "To making sure there were no causalities."

Cloud looked to the ground, his face suddenly burning. "I'm ... I'm sorry."

"For what? You didn't do anything."

He could feel the color deepening. "You went back ... to save me, and couldn't ... "

"Cloud, you're the only reason I was /able/ to go back and save you. If you hadn't put yourself in that position to begin with, he probably would have killed me."

Cloud suddenly remembered that he needed to breathe. He inhaled sharply, and his head swam for a moment. What in god's name would he have done if Zack had been killed? They were both soldiers, they had both signed their lives over to a higher office, and yet ... he had never even once /thought/ that /anything/ could happen to Zack. The idea that he was mortal almost came as a blow.

A Shinra-issued nurse stepped into the small room, breaking the silence. She spotted Cloud's conscious figure at once, and smiled. It was forced, but so was the one Cloud tried to return. "I see you're awake, Mr. Strife. I'll tell the doctors. You should rest up the rest of today, and be sure to eat your food. You need energy."

With that, she smiled absentmindedly once more, and left. Cloud remembered his stomach at her words, and suddenly felt a heaving emptiness.

"I'm starving but ... I don't think I have the energy to eat," he said quietly, his body slowly sliding down in the bed.

Zack was quiet for a moment, and Cloud knew what it meant. Zack and silence were a dangerous pair. He turned to his friend suspiciously. Zack was turned away. The blond would have scowled had he had enough power to move the muscles in his face. Zack noticed him from the corner of his eyes, and turned back, breaking into a smile.

"Well, maybe you should just sleep then," he said, smiling.

"Why, what did you do?" Cloud asked.

"I've never done anything my entire life," Zack answered simply.

"What did you do?" He repeated. Zack looked hurt.

"Why do you automatically assume that I did something?"

" ... Where's my food?"

"What food?"

Cloud forced himself up once more, his arms shaking under his weight. He looked to the end of his bed, where a tray sat. Zack stood up. He looked back to Zack, who smiled, and then back to the tray.

"Did you eat my food?"

Zack laughed. "Why would I do that?"

"Because you're secretly a cheap bastard despite your ridiculous salary and will take a free meal whenever you can spot it."

"Don't judge me, Strife."

Cloud fell back against his pillow, letting his arms fall out from beneath him. He sighed heavily. "You ate my food?"

The dark haired man grinned sheepishly. "Well, you were asleep for a /really/ long time."

Cloud's expression remained the same. "So you /ate/ my /food/?"

Zack scowled slightly. "It's hospital food!" he explained, his arms shooting up for emphasis. "It's not any good anyway!"

"But it was my /food/!"

Zack sighed, exasperated, as though he were the victim. "Jesus, Cloud."

Cloud looked back to the tray. He was hungry. He was also happy. Cloud turned his head against the pillow as he laughed. "I really hate you," he said. He could hear Zack smile.

------------------------------------------------

"Your report?"

Zack looked to the man, standing at perfect attention. "The SOLDIER there has been considerably underestimated by Shinra. He has too many men and uses the monsters there to his advantage. We couldn't take him with just the amount of men we brought."

"And?"

"And," Zack continued, "I want to return, with more men and more supplies. We suffered no casualties this time, so I expect we would win if we came back with a greater force."

The man nodded slowly, more engrossed in a paper he held than with Zack's words.

"The paperwork seems to all be in order," he drawled, his eyes lethargically looking up to the SOLDIER. "I suppose that's all you can do at the moment. I'll complete the report and have you sent back out in a few weeks."

Zack nodded his assent. The man turned back down to his papers, his half shut eyes slowly moving over the words. Zack turned to leave, but paused mid-step.

"May I make one last comment, Sir?" Zack asked over one shoulder. The man looked up from his files, examining him slowly. Finally, he nodded. "There's one soldier who accompanied me on this trip that deserves special recognition. His SOLDIER exam is coming up soon, and I was hoping that his action in Antei could be reflected upon during the final decision."

The man sighed quietly, taking off his glasses. He set them down on the desk and returned his gaze to Zack. "Who?"

"Cloud Strife, Sir."

He nodded, waiting in silence for a moment. "I'll see what I can do."

Zack broke out into a grin. "Thanks. Sir."

----------------------------------------------------  
_notes_

_- ... Hi!  
__- Sorry for the huge delay. Starting college kinda takes it out of you. Totally valid excuse! We'll just ignore the months wasted on Ragnarok Online...  
__- As for all the questions on the pairing of this story (WAIT THIS FIC IS SLASH?!) I might as well tell you now, though I figured everyone would have figured it out by now. This is a hardcore Rude/Tifa fic. Duh.  
__- In other notes... Game time!: Find the (almost verbatim) FF7 in-game quote! (yes I am really this lame.) _


	12. Chapter 12

Forgotten Daze  
FF7 Fan Fiction 

Chapter 12

* * *

"Zack!" Someone called, a small group of recruits approaching him from the side. The dark haired SOLDIER turned to face them as they quickly surrounded him, all beaming. 

"We heard what happened," one of them said, smiling widely. "You ended up saving some kid and a soldier who that crazy guy was holding hostage, right?"

Zack felt his stomach droop at the words. This wasn't what he felt like talking about.

"Yeah, even though he's got like, a /ton/ of other crazy guys following him, you still got away without any casualties!" another added.

Zack forced a quick smile, holding up his hands. "Oh, well, no, I-"

"You know, the SOLIDER exams are tomorrow," the first one started again, "and at first I was feeling really unmotivated, but now that I hear about you, I'm really psyched!"

The SOLDIER tittered nervously. "Well, I'm glad I can give you some support, but-"

"I mean, I don't know /what/ I would have done," said another. "I think if the situation looked that grim I would have just broken down. I guess I'm really not SOLDIER material, at least not to your standard!"

He ran a hand through his hair anxiously. Were they /trying/ to make him feel bad?

"Don't you get nervous in those kinds of situations?" the smallest one asked.

"Oh come on," another answered, "he's a SOLDIER, you think he stands around a dangerous situation with his knees shaking?"

"Yeah," the first one added, "just because /you/ do doesn't mean /he/ does."

"Hey, shut up," the small recruit glowered.

The group descended into an internal conversation, all badgering each other jokingly. Zack spotted an escape.

"Sorry I can't stay and talk," he nearly whispered, inching away from the small crowd, "I've got important ... SOLDIER stuff to do."

They hadn't heard him, and Zack slipped away unnoticed, only letting his expression turn to darkness once he was out of sight.

He turned a corner quickly, scowling as he walked. He needed to get away from everyone and their praise. He hadn't done anything in Antei. The only things he had managed to accomplish were failing his orders, endangering the lives of all his men, and nearly killing Cloud. He had botched the entire operation, no matter what way he looked at it.

And of course, it was /Cloud/ who had been the most noble, not him. Cloud had risked his life to save his own, and had done it without any hesitation. He had told him once they were back in Midgar that he was only thinking of ways he could help Zack's cause, even while he was lying in his own blood. He hadn't expected to be saved, and it didn't bother him. All he had wanted was to help move them all closer to victory. And yet still, Cloud would go completely unknown throughout Shinra.

"Zack?" a familiar voice rang out. The young SOLDIER paused in his thoughts, suddenly meeting the gaze of Shinra's most prized possession.

"Oh, Sephiroth!" he was taken back by the surprise, but quickly went back to chastising himself. In his desire to get away from the others, he had unconsciously walked the path toward his friend's quarters.

The silver haired man cocked his head, a curious expression on his face as he approached. "I heard about what happened in Antei."

Zack forced out a laugh, rubbing the back of his neck nervously. "Yeah, it wasn't the best little vacation."

Sephiroth's expression dropped to its usual neutrality. "It's not like you to lose."

"Yeah ... I know." The hall grew silent. Zack looked to the other man, annoyed by his sudden desire for conversation. "Look, I've got to get going. I need to stop by the hospital."

"What happened?" Sephiroth asked, a hint of anger in his voice.

"I just need to see someone."

"I mean, what happened in Antei."

Zack frowned. "What does it matter? I failed the mission, but we managed to make it away more or less in tact," he let out a short sigh, adding without thought: "I guess I'm just not as perfect as Shinra would like me to be."

"I don't care about that," the general said, watching him over cool green eyes. "I want to know what happened to the SOLDIER."

He let out an exasperated sigh, unable to hide his irritation. "Nothing happened! I didn't kill him, if that's what you mean. I barely even beat him in a fight."

"Why?"

"What do you mean, why?" Zack's voice was picking up intensity. "What's so hard to understand about this? I couldn't beat him, I couldn't kill him."

"Then tell me why."

"I had to save someone, okay? It was more important to me then than stopping the SOLDIER."

Sephiroth's expression didn't change, but he remained silent for a moment, watching over his friend's anger. Finally he shook his head. "You can't be so ruled by your emotions."

Zack held his tongue, focusing hard on the wall next to the general, his fists clenched tightly. Sephiroth refused to stop.

"This isn't the first time it's gotten you into trouble, you know."

"What does it matter," the raven-haired SOLDIER muttered, still holding back his words. "Just drop it."

"You needed to bring him back here," the general continued, "that man needed to be brought before Shinra. You can't let your uncontrollable emotions ruin carefully laid plans that /need/ to be executed."

"Well at least I fucking /have/ emotions!" Zack snapped. It wasn't a personal battle, Zack knew that, but he couldn't hold back any longer. "I'd rather be moral and care about people than be some fucking mold for this fucking company to shape!"

Sephiroth eyed him coolly, the words failing to penetrate. "Zack, that SOLDIER-"

"Forget the SOLDIER! I'm sick of all of this! There's only one fucking thing left that I care about and right now I need to go make sure he's still alive!" he brushed past his friend quickly, his eyes dark.

"Zack," Sephiroth called inexpressively. The other man ignored him and continued down the corridor.

* * *

Cloud staggered through the door as Zack let go, his head still swimming slightly from the movement. Kail stood near the doorway, frozen mid-step as he looked to his roommate. 

" ... Cloud!"

Raising one hand in a pathetic wave, the blond wobbled past him, catching a nearby kitchen chair and toppling down into it.

"Stop by tomorrow," Zack said as he reached for the door. Cloud nodded absentmindedly as he slid down in the seat, moving slowly to avoid the pain. The SOLDIER flashed a quick smile at him and his roommate, and shut the door.

Kail was still frozen. "What ... " his eyes opened slightly wider, and at once he was at Cloud's side. "What happened? Where were you? I heard that all this shit in Antei went down and one man got caught but the SOLDIER is still there but they're going back soon and Zack risked his life to save this poor kid and what in the hell happened to you!"

"The soldier who was caught," he started slowly, "was me. And I've been in the hospital."

" ... Oh. Well-"

"I've kind of got a headache right now, Kail."

The large man nodded slowly, taking a step back. The usual look of confusion was still on his face. "What about ... what about the SOLDIER test tomorrow?"

The words tightened the knot in his stomach substantially, but Cloud did his best to ignore it. "Right now I don't care about much else other than getting into my bed."

"But are you going to take it? You still look like you're in pretty bad shape."

Cloud slid down further in the chair, compensating for the drop he felt in his stomach. "Well, it's not like there's going to be a make-up exam."

"Maybe you could get special permission or something, I mean-"

"I'm not going to get any better with time," he responded flatly. "I've been gone for a bit but, if you forgot, this isn't bad shape for me."

"Ah, yeah. I guess not." Kail looked away for a minute, focusing his thoughts so hard they were drawn on his face. "I really can't remember a time when you didn't have some sort of ice pack somewhere on you."

Cloud shut his eyes. "Yeah. Me either."

"Well, what time are you scheduled for tomorrow?"

"Eleven in the morning."

Kail smiled. "I'm going at eight. So I'll be back in time to get you a couple of pointers."

Cloud smiled, though it was short lived. "Thanks, I'll need them."

* * *

"If you attack me," The SOLDIER said flatly, looking to him over dark, dull eyes, "The boy is dead." 

Zack scowled and tightened his grip on his sword. "After all you lecture me on, how I'm such a terrible SOLDIER and I should have never gotten this far, you would still use a hostage to increase your odds? Are you that afraid you'd lose?"

"I'm not going to lower my guard in order to protect my dignity. I already know I'm much higher on that scale than you. After all, look at our positions."

Zack's expression was constant. So mocking wasn't going to work. He couldn't fight the other man and still save Cloud, he had to find some way to separate the two.

"Why are you doing this?" Zack asked, still sizing up his opponent.

"I knew they would send another SOLIDER out here for me," he answered, clearly pleased at the offer to explain himself, "and I assumed that their position in Shinra alone would be enough for them to understand what I'm doing."

"What," Zack started, covertly eyeing the terrain behind the SOLDIER, "are you going to prove to them that their reliance on money and power is foolish, by taking over a town by force and demanding money?"

"Do you know what a SOLDIER /is/ boy?" he asked.

"I know that he's not someone who would ever stoop this low," Zack replied.

The SOLDIER let out a short, low laugh. "Ignorance /is/ bliss, I suppose I don't feel too bad to let you die never knowing the truth."

"Well, I've got my morals, and you've got your complete and total insanity. I guess we both have some pretty strong driving forces. Let's quit the banter. Right now I don't care about Shinra. I want you to let that solider go."

"He's nearly dead as it is," the SOLDIER said flatly, glancing toward the bloodstained blond.

"Didn't you hear me? This fight isn't about Shinra or your beliefs or your politics. I want him back and I /will/ kill you if I have to."

The SOLDIER sighed, slight amusement in his expression. "All right, all right. I guess I just couldn't help myself," he continued, his gun slowly moving over Cloud's body, "I just couldn't ignore the weakness you showed me."

"I can solemnly swear one thing to you," Zack said through clenched teeth, the tension building within him. "If you so much as /touch/ him, I /will/ kill you."

A smile crept up on one corner of the SOLDIERS mouth, and without another thought, Zack advanced.

The room was still dark when Zack opened his eyes. Not even an hour had passed. Reluctantly, he sat up in his bed. His body craved sleep, but his mind refused to settle. The clock read only five o'clock. He was sure it had said five two hours ago. Maybe it was broken.

Zack stretched his sore muscles, sighing heavily. If sleep wouldn't come then he wouldn't force it. Slowly he stood and plodded into the small kitchen, his body aching from the entirety of the past week. He hadn't slept in days, let alone had a moments rest. His mind was reeling so fast that he wondered if he even /remembered/ how to relax.

In any case, who could have even expected him to be able to sleep? He was permanently on edge. He had slipped up, and almost had to pay for it with more than he was willing to part with.

Well, no, scratch that. It was a /lot/ more than he was willing to part with. Slowly he sat down into one of the cold kitchen chairs, still blinking hard as his eyes struggled to adjust to the bright light. He didn't even know what to think anymore. What was he doing? Everything was so familiar. Everything he felt, it was just like Sephiroth. And he didn't want it to be.

He had seen something in Sephiroth. The human side, the emotional side. The side that wasn't just a SOLDIER, that wasn't just Shinra's perfect ideal. Others had always denied it even existed, and Zack knew that was what caused the general the most pain. What was it then? He had gone after him... because of that? He had told Cloud once that everyone in Shinra loved Sephiroth in some way. He hadn't lied. What he hadn't told him was that he was no exception.

There was something within him that no one else acknowledged, or was willing to acknowledge. He could see it though, and he wanted to bring it out. He wanted him to be human too. He wanted to be the one who he could go to and who could make him happy.

It hadn't worked. Maybe Sephiroth was too far-gone, too bitter and too jaded and too isolated. He had let Zack in, but only slightly. The door was open a crack, only enough to be sure that what he had seen was there, but he couldn't open it any further. He realized, in retrospect, that it was more than he could have asked for when they first met, and he had come to accept it with quiet resignation.

Sephiroth had barely ever even trusted him. He had assumed at first that Zack was only there to try and force himself in and exploit whatever he could find. Zack had nearly smacked his friend when he finally pieced this together. How in the hell could he /ever/ have thought that? Zack assumed he deserved even just a tiny sliver of respect, enough to show that he was above any of that bullshit.

It was their personalities, though, in the end. To Sephiroth, he was nothing but an overly social overachiever of colossal proportion. Zack barely understood where this came from. Was it because he was nice to people? Because he was friendly? How he refused to take anyone at face value? Did that make him some kind of social whore? Who did he /actually/ have? He had other soldiers who followed him and took his word as gospel, as every SOLDIER first class did. He even had his share of equal peers. But none of them were people Zack could go to, none of them were people that he could deal with and relate to on a level outside of Shinra. Sephiroth hadn't believed it, but even in their strained relationship, the general had been one of the only people Zack had really been close to.

That was how it was with Cloud. Cloud and Sephiroth. They were so similar, but their differences ... that would be what determined the rest of their lives; which of them succeeded, and which of them failed.

So, where did that leave Zack? He had been rejected by Sephiroth. He had almost let Cloud die. What was it that he wanted? Cloud, just as Sephiroth had, would never even begin to believe how much he meant to him. The difference between them, however, was that Sephiroth was weary of an ulterior motive, while Cloud was too introverted and too shy to accept it.

He wanted Cloud to be happy. He wanted others to see what he could see within him. He had connected with him, he had understood him since the beginning, he had bonded with him, and he wanted to be around him. Hell, he could even understand why he was so infatuated with Sephiroth. Cloud /had/ no other mysteries that Zack couldn't solve.

Zack glanced at the clock on the wall above him. It still read five. He sighed and stood up, walking to the kitchen counter and the coffee machine atop it. It was going to be a long day.

* * *

It wasn't time to panic. Not yet, anyway. He'd give it another few minutes before he snapped and ordered a full-blown search of the entire building to be conducted by every last Shinra employee and passer-by who happened to be in the general vicinity of the building at the time of what would no doubt come to be known as his "slight breakdown." 

Cloud wasn't in his room. Kail hadn't seen him since the night before; apparently he had left long before he woke. He wasn't in the general places the two of them had come to occupy the past few months, he wasn't back in the hospital for any after-effects he might have had, he wasn't around the SOLDIER testing area, he wasn't /anywhere/ on /any/ of the floors Zack had searched thoroughly. And he had gone through a /lot/ of floors.

There was one last place to look, and Zack had avoided thinking of it, as it would only mean the worst. The hallways in the basement should be completely empty. It was the recruits last day, and there was no time left for any last minute training. It was the emptiest place in the entire building, and the very kind of place he knew Cloud would go if he was feeling what Zack feared he was.

Reluctantly he had entered the dark hallways, his footsteps echoing off the metal walls. He walked slowly, feeling out of place in the cold, impersonal corridors. Still, there was no sight of Cloud. Zack proceeded through the hallways for what seemed like hours, wandering through the manmade labyrinth below Shinra.

It wasn't until nearly an hour after he had entered that Zack felt the darkness grow stronger. The cold cement and metal of the underground rooms seemed to amplify the emptiness, and Zack found himself almost crushed by the silence.

It only worsened when he turned the last corner, and came across the limp body sitting against the wall.

He froze in place for a moment, watching the figure. "Cloud?" he asked quietly, tentative to approach him.

The blond didn't answer, but moved slightly in place. Zack took it as acknowledgement, and moved to his side, still slightly hesitant. He stood next to him for a moment before Cloud finally turned his head and looked up to Zack, expressionless.

"I failed, Zack," he said flatly. Zack was silent, and slowly sat down beside him. Cloud sighed heavily, as though he were letting out all the tension that had built since he arrived in Midgar.

"You're still a better soldier than I've ever met," Zack said softly. "You came far enough to prove that."

Cloud laughed quietly. "The only reason I even got this far was because of you," he said. Zack looked to the ground. Cloud slid down further against the wall. "I guess I do appreciate it," he continued, softly, "but there was never a chance for me anyway."

"Cloud ... "

"Please, Zack. I'm not completely blind; I know that I don't have what it takes. This isn't just a case of me not believing in myself."

Sighing angrily, Zack turned back to him. "Yes it is." Cloud frowned at the floor. "I don't care what you say, you have what it takes to be a SOLDIER."

Cloud looked up suddenly. "Then why did I fail? Tell me that, then. Do you think I didn't try? Because I /did./ Everyone has to accept failure at some point, you know. If you try and fail then what else do you need to tell you that you /can't do it?"

"Don't say things like that," Zack mumbled.

Cloud scowled, the floodgates clearly beginning to open. "Why? Because it goes against your mantra of 'love and happiness will prevail and overcome all odds'?"

"Well, that, and because it's just not true."

The blond pressed the back of his head against the wall, his eyes closed. "Christ. I'm sorry that you're so wrapped up in being so positive and happy all the time that you don't even know what reality is anymore."

"Cloud-"

"And I guess on top of it all I'm just sorry that your little pet project failed like this."

Zack felt as the nerve ending was struck. "What? My pet project?"

Cloud looked to him again, his eyes angry. "You felt so sorry for me like some stray dog you found on the street, and you have to build me up but it just didn't work-"

"Hey!" Zack yelled. "Stop it! That's /not/ why I did /anything./"

"Then why? What do you get out of this? Why do you make yourself do any of this!"

"Do what! I'm not making myself do /anything/ You think I'm forcing myself to care about you, is that it?"

Cloud turned away suddenly, his eyes clenched shut. Zack grabbed his shoulders, pulling him back to face him.

"Let go ... " Cloud pulled away from his grip.

"What is this?" he asked softly, holding him firmly. Cloud's head was turned away, his eyes still forced shut, his entire body tense. "Cloud!"

"Why!" the blond snapped suddenly, meeting his gaze head on. "Why couldn't you have just let me be? Why do you have to believe in me so much and do so much for me!"

"Stop it, Cloud!"

"Tell me why! There's no point! You've been wasting your time! What do you hope to get out of helping me like this and making me believe I can do these things when I /can't/" There were tears forming in his eyes.

"That's not what I'm doing! I /do/ believe you can!"

"But I /can't/ Why do you have to do this!"

"Because ... " Zack watched him silently for a moment as he continued to struggle to pull away, hiding his face as the tears started to fall.

"Why," his voice was softer now, "why do you have to fucking care about me so much?"

"Cloud ... "

The blond recoiled once more, his eyes firmly shut. Zack jostled him once last time, and he looked up to him, anger still on his face.

"Why do you hate the idea that someone might care about you?" he asked quietly. Cloud looked away, his expression softening slightly.

Zack scowled. He needed to hit him, to shake him out of it, to do anything that would knock him out of his mindset. He could feel as Cloud's body went limper in his arms as the outburst past and gloom settled down upon him. Zack's grip went tighter, and Cloud looked up to him slowly. Zack frowned. He was going on instincts, now.

"Zack ... "

The SOLDIER inhaled deeply, and pulled the blonde's shoulders toward him, placing his lips against his in an awkward kiss, as the blond froze in place, his eyes wide and his breathing suddenly silenced.

Zack pushed away hard, suddenly realizing what exactly he was doing. After a moment of silence he slowly turned his gaze back to Cloud, realizing the implications of what he had just done. The blond was still frozen in his place, looking to him with wide eyes and an immense flush on his cheeks.

"I ... " Zack figured his expression mirrored that of Cloud's. "I ... "

Cloud seemed to snap out of his shock, and looked to the ground instantly, sheer panic on his face. Zack suddenly started to feel ill. Yes, kiss the socially awkward, shy, confused boy who just saw his last standing dream fall before him in some sort of comfort, despite the fact that the no-doubt unwanted affection can only harm him /more/ considering that he is a socially awkward, shy, confused boy who just saw his last standing dream fall before him. /That/ was going to help things considerably.

Zack stood up, holding back a mixture of anger and embarrassment. "Sorry," he managed, through his internal self-chastising. "I didn't mean to- I'm sorry." The blond was silent, but Zack hadn't expected anything. He turned away quickly, walking away from the blond who was still crumpled on the floor.

* * *

_notes_

_- My computer and ff DOT netgot into a fight. They won. Now, I'm not one to pass blame in a desperate attempt to save face, but I BLAME THEM. Any formatting wonkiness istheir fault, sorry. Hopefully it doesn't mess up the flow of things too badly._


	13. Chapter 13

Update Version 2.0:

Wow, you guys are REALLY awesome. I wrote the last update sort of as an ending, and to maybe get a few ideas of what to do. I really didn't expect to get so many wonderful and motivating responses.

I think I'm going to simply move to livejournal, because I've been using it for over 4 years now (a personal/private journal only) and so I'm pretty used to it and feel comfortable updating and editing and formatting it. I might also use deviantart (I have an account there now to try it out) simply as more of a formal, copy written medium. If that makes sense. Which it does to me. Not that I'm popular enough to really necessitate two places, but livejournal is just really open, and I'd like to be able to point to deviantart's copyright policy in case any evil people decide to stop by. You know how that goes.

Because of all the responses, I'm already working on chapter 13 again. While I may have a lot to do, if I don't have something creative to do outside of studying, reading, and working, my descent into insanity seems more and more inevitable. I mean, I'm studying ROCKS here, I need to have another outlet.

The livejournal user name is speakerchild, so check it out at livejournal DOT com / users / speakerchild. Same goes for the deviantart username. Links will be on my bio here, in case you're new to either of them and can't make out my fanfiction net code to make sure the links don't get gobbled.

Again, thanks to all my readers, my reviewers, and everyone who gave me suggestions. You guys rock. 


End file.
